Those Damn Brown Eyes
by JjRavenclawFromDistrict11
Summary: Sam hasn't had it easy when it comes to love. She's been cheated on, lied to, and used. But maybe, just maybe, the one person who's been there all along... is the one she's been waiting for. Could a love with the nubbish Fredward Benson last? With these two stubborn people, you never really know. SEDDIE! Updates every Sunday.
1. Average

**So… here is my newest story. When I imagined it, I thought I'd call it "iMight Love You" but I picked a better name. I thought this up months ago but just haven't gotten around to writing it. **

**Yay- Procrastination!**

...

Chapter 1: A Typical Day in Seattle

…

_**Saturday**_

…

"Please?" Pretty please?" Carly begged.

"NO! I do NOT want to be in a talent show! Talent shows are lame, Carls. God, I'd rather fall off the Eiffel Tower or kiss Fredwad!" I frowned. "Scratch that last one. Even a damn talent show isn't as terrible as the dork's face." I shuddered for effect.

"Hey, I take offense at that!"

I stuck my tongue out at the ever-annoying Fredward Benson. I couldn't quite figure out what it was about him. His hair, his sense of humor, his style, perhaps his intelligence? I never could figure out how that boy could be so… irritating.

What? Did you expect me to confess my undying love for that nub? Sorry to disappoint you.

"Real mature", Freddie muttered.

"What's that, Fredwad? I'm sorry, did you ask for a beating?"

"Oh my god!" Freddie exclaimed sarcastically, looking at Carly, "Sam said 'sorry'!"

"That's it."

I lunged at Freddie. He squeaked and tried run away, but I was faster.

"Let me go!"

"Not until you say the magic words."

Freddie groaned, "Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"Guys…" Carly interjected. She always tried to break up these fights. She would never give up, even though she ought to have learned that it was all pointless. Kind of like how Freddie started going to the gym so he could defend himself. Who's still the one pinned to the floor? Exactly.

I whacked Freddie's head, which had jerked up to look at Carly.

"Say it."

He sighed, "Fine… Sam, you are always right. You are stronger than any boy on the planet and could easily kill me if you weren't so gracious. You are so perfect, gorgeous, and smart that any guy would be lucky to have you. But-"

I grinned, this being my favorite part of the speech.

"-I am a nub and, therefore, not even worthy to touch one hair on your lovely head. I am so nubbish I should go die in a hole. I will never insult you again, ever…. Can I go now?"

I laughed and moved my knee off his chest. "Music to my ears."

He stood up and walked out the door, trying to regain any sense of pride he might have had.

"Aw, Sam. Why must you always bully our tech producer?"

"Because", I said, jumping on the Shay's couch, "it's FUN!"

Carly rolled her eyes.

"CARLAY! Where are the Christmas lights?"

I looked and saw Spencer on the stairs with purple paint and feathers stuck to him.

"I don't know. Why do you need Christmas lights? It's April!"

"Nyaah! I'm going to the store! Bye, Carly!"

Before Carly could protest, Spencer had left.

I jumped up and landed on the couch lying down. "Your brother is weird."

Carly laughed and sat on a chair. "Yes he is."

"So will you so the show?"

I growled.

"You could just dance with Max."

"Oh." Not a terrible idea, actually. Max was my new- okay not "new", we'd been going out for 6 months- boyfriend. He saw me in the pageant I won and thought I was pretty cool. He had just moved to Seattle and had gotten lost and walked into the wrong building. He saw me at school the next day and asked me out.

"Maybe."

Carly jumped up and clapped her hands together, "Yay! This is going to be so much fun!"

What have I gotten myself into?

…

_**Friday **__(a few weeks later)_

…

Dancing with Max turned out to be insanely fun. The next few weeks flew by and suddenly, it was Friday. There were only 5 rehearsals left.

"Come on Sam, let's get going."

"There you are!" I smiled, "Can we go to the Groovy Smoothie first?"

"Alright. But no more super-sized extra larges. Those things are expensive and you passed out last time I got you one."

"Yea", I said dreamily, "it was marvelous."

"Marvelous?" Max faked concern, "You definitely need a smoothie."

I nodded and we headed to the Groovy Smoothie. Max was a great guy. Though he wasn't a genius, he did well in school and sometimes I let him tutor me, even if I wasn't ever paying attention to what he was saying. He was also hot. Like, so hot you could cook burgers on his abs. Max had a six-pack from playing soccer. And his eyes were this amazing hazel color that really complimented his dirty blonde hair. He lived in Britain as a kid, too, and sometimes he slipped up and started talking with an accent. It was adorable. Best of all, he liked me for me. When Max found out that I wasn't the beauty pageant type- more tomboyish and maybe a little abrasive, but not girly- he was relieved. It made him like me more. He was sweet and the first boyfriend I had that hardly noticed Carly. Plus, he bought me food constantly, and I'd learned that he always ate meat before our dates so he smelled good. What he didn't know was that he tasted great too.

Max bought me a Blueberry Banana Blitz and a burrito on a stick for himself. He let me have half of it.

We practiced at Max's house because of the state of mine. I took him there once and my mom told him not to get me pregnant. He wouldn't kiss me for a week.

After an hour of rehearsing, we called it quits. He tried – unsuccessfully- to get me to do some of my homework. Finally, he gave up and popped in Final Destination 4. We laughed at how lame all the deaths were and kissed when we got bored with the movie. All in all- it was a good night.

…

_**Monday**_

…

The weekend went by without any rehearsals. I hadn't gotten to see Max, so I was relatively exited to go to school on Monday. But when I got there, I didn't see Max. He was a senior, so we didn't have any classes together, but Max always walked me to my classes. Finally, when he didn't show up for lunch, I decided to call him. I pulled my PearPhone out and noticed a "new voicemail" icon. I didn't even know how to receive voicemail. After fiddling with it for a while with no success, I used my last resort.

"Freddie", I whined, "My phone won't work."

He sighed. "What now?"

"How do I get voicemail?"

He touched a few buttons and told me that it was calling voicemail.

"What the chiz does that mean?"

"Just put it up to your ear, Sam."

"Oh."

I put the phone up against my ear and listened to the ringing. Finally, a mechanical voice asked me what I wanted to do.

"I want to listen to my voicemail."

"_Did you say, 'I want to delete all voicemail'?"_

"NO! I said-"

"_Would you like me to repeat the list of options?"_

"NO! I just want to-"

"Freddie rolled his eyes and took the phone from me. He punched a button and handed it back.

"_You have one new message and zero old messages."_

"No shit, Sherlock."

I heard a beep and then Max's voice.

"_Hey Sam, it's Max. Listen, I don't want you to worry or anything so don't overreact. I got in a tiny car crash last night and went to the hospital. I'm fine, except for some cuts and bruises. Well, that and a broken leg. I guess that means I can't dance with you in the talent thing. Sorry- maybe you can dance with someone else. Call me back! Bye."_

"Holy crap."

"Aw, Sam", Freddie scolded, "You broke your phone again!"

I looked down and realized I had dropped it. Oops. That would be the sixth time this month.

I picked up the remains of my phone and frowned.

"_If you want to delete this message, press one. If you want to-"_

"Oops", I said, dropping it again. "I guess I'll have to take yours Fredalupe."

He groaned. "Why me?"

…

**So, what do ya'll think? I know it doesn't feel like a Seddie story, but don't worry. The Seddie romance is coming, just give the story a few chapters. Please review!**

**PLEASE READ!**

**There are multiple references in this fic to the iCarly episode "iWas a Pageant Girl". If you haven't seen it, don't worry. I've decided, in honor of this new story, that the first chapter of my new oneshot series will be "iWas a Pageant Girl". It will be up next Thursday. The fic is called "What Were You Thinking?" and is basically my take on Sam's/Freddie's real thoughts during some key episodes.**


	2. Broken

**Thank You to FantasyRW15 for being my first reviewer! My first review was within half an hour of me posting this chapter... It was awesome!**

...

Chapter 2: A Not-So-Typical Day in Everett

…

_**Monday**_

…

It was irritating. Not having a phone, I mean. I didn't care about the talent show.

I may have committed several weeks to the talent show, but it was all for Carly. I never wanted to do that stupid show anyway. Now I just had an excuse to not do it.

Damn.

I am a fantastic liar when it comes to everyone else but apparently, I can't fool myself very easily.

After working so hard, I was actually rather disappointed to not be performing in the talent show.

Of course, I kept that to myself. Carly thought I was relieved and I didn't want Max to feel guilty.

Max's parents had gotten divorced when he was in eighth grade. He lived with his mom most of the time but once a month, he visited his dad for a weekend.

It had been one of those weekends.

He was leaving his dad's house in Everett when a drunk driver hit him. Thankfully, he got hit on the passenger side, so he didn't get hurt too bad.

Since he got hit within the Everett borders, he was hospitalized there and I had to drive an hour and a half to see him. It should've only taken half an hour, but traffic was really clogged.

I'd left as soon as school got out. I would've left during lunch, but Carly made me promise not to. She opted not to come with me. Said she was going to get her hair done or something. I don't really remember- I was picturing her as a zombie.

"Hey, Max!"

Max, who'd been watching "Fear Factor", turned and smiled.

"Sam! You didn't have to come see me. They're letting me out in a few hours."

"I know… but I wanted food. You know they give you free food here?"

He laughed and his hazel eyes twinkled, "Yea, but it doesn't taste real good."

I shrugged, "Whatever."

He picked up the phone and ordered a milkshake, a popsicle, a hamburger, fries, and an apple.

"I hope you don't expect me to eat that apple."

"No, Sam. That's for me."

"Oh, good."

We sat in silence and watched a girl jump off a building into a pool with some weird fish in it. Then the food lady came and we ate our food.

Max ate the apple and I ate everything else.

As I got up to leave, Max grabbed my arm.

"Sam?"

"Yea?"

"I'm really sorry about the talent show."

"No biggie. I didn't want to do it in the first place."

He smiled, "I know. But I also know that you're kind of bummed about it."

I shrugged.

"Listen, Sam. I want you to do the show anyway. You've worked too hard to just give up."

I rolled my eyes, "Max, I'm going to look really stupid dancing by myself. People might start to think I've gone insane and think I'm dancing with Taylor Lautner."

He laughed and the spark in his eyes brightened.

"I'm sure you can find another partner. Please try. I don't want you to miss out on this."

I sighed, "Fine. I'll try to find another partner. But you have to promise to not get jealous when I dance with Taylor Lautner, OK?"

He smiled, "I'll do my best."

…

_**Tuesday**_

…

"You want to do what?"

"I'm just going to get a new partner."

"You're gonna try and find a new partner?"

"Yup."

Carly stared at me in disbelief, "Sam, the talent show's on Friday"

"And?"

"And it's Tuesday. You can't possibly teach someone the routine by Friday."

"I can try."

Carly groaned. "Fine, then. Who do you have in mind?"

"Ummm…"

"You don't have any idea at all?!" Carly let out an exasperated sigh.

"Well…"

"Yes?"

"Yea, I have no clue."

Carly groaned again, "Good grief."

I shrugged and tried to look innocent.

"Tell you what- I'll get you a partner but don't argue or ask for any more favors."

I grinned, "Sweet! Who's the lucky guy?"

"Freddie."

My jaw dropped, "You've got to be kidding me."

Carly smiled, "Nope. Freddie will do it- either because I tell him to or because he's scared you'll kill him otherwise."

"Carly!" I whined.

"No, Sam. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you don't get a partner today, you have no hope of getting the routine down. It's Freddie or no one."

I huffed, "Fine."

She smiled, "Good. Have fun rehearsing."

Then she bounced on home.

I found a pay phone outside the Groovy Smoothie. Then I realized I couldn't remember his number. Instead of going to his apartment and facing Crazy, I decided to ask T-Bo.

The bell gave a familiar ring as I walked in and I smiled.

"Hey Sam!"

"Hey T-Bo! Do you-"

"-have corn dogs on a stick? Yes I do!"

T-Bo pulled a stick from behind the counter. Just like he'd said, it ran through several corn dogs.

"That's not what I was gonna ask."

"Oh. But don't you want one?"

"NO! Corn dogs already come on a stick. Why would I buy something that just has extra holes in it?"

"Hey!" T-Bo pointed his stick at me, "Don't you come in here and criticize my corn dogs! Get out!"

"If I buy one, will you answer my real question?"

T-Bo hesitated, "Buy two."

I rolled my eyes, "Alright T-Bo."

I handed him a 10 and took my holey corn dogs.

"Do you know Freddie's phone number?"

"No."

"Damn."

"Wait a minute… It might be in my phone."

"Can I borrow your phone?"

T-Bo looked at me suspiciously, "…No."

"Come on!"

"Why can't you use yours?"

"I broke it!"

"Why?"

"It was an accident! Can you just write down the number?"

"NO!"

I growled at T-BO. "Give. Me. YOUR. PHONE!"

He jumped. "FINE!"

He handed me his phone and I looked up Freddie's number. I wrote it on my arm and gave T-Bo his phone back.

"Bye, T-Bo."

"Wait! Don't you want to buy an orange on a stick?"

"GOODBYE, T-Bo!"

I walked out of the Groovy Smoothie with my corn dogs and into the pay phone booth. I started eating the first corn dog while I dialed.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Freddork!"

"Good god. Sam, why are you calling me? Are you in jail again?"

"No!"

"Then what do you want?"

"Remember how you broke my phone yesterday?" I mumbled through my corn dog.

"I didn't break your phone!"

"Liar."

"But I didn't-"

"Whatever, Freddork. I need a favor."

…

**Review!**

**UPDATE: iWas a Pageant Girl will be posted this Thursday (12/13). However, the name of the story has been changed to "Subconscious". **


	3. Clumsy

**I apologize in advance for the shortness, but I wanted ya'll to see what a Sam/Freddie dance practice would look like. However, in the spirit of Christmas, next week I am going to post 2 chapters. :)**

…

Chapter 3: An Odd Day at Freddie's Apartment

…

_**Tuesday**_

…

So there I was.

Freddie's apartment.

His crazy mother was there, staring me down like a mama bear protecting her cubs.

"Mrs. Benson, I swear I'm not here to kill your son. We have dance practice…"

I realized how stupid of an excuse that was. Who in their right mind would believe that me- Samantha Puckett- would willingly go to Fredward Benson's house to dance with him? I wouldn't have believed it if my future self had warned me that it would happen. Clearly, Freddie's mom wasn't buying it either.

"Look, Mrs. B. If I wanted to kill Freddie, I would've already. I like having someone around that I can make fun of. What would be the fun in killing him? He'd just come back to haunt me."

She looked me up and down, probably deciding whether to slam the door in my face or tell me to get lost. Maybe both.

"I'm videotaping everything. And the police are on speed dial."

With that, she opened the door just enough for me to walk in. I made sure to leave my muddy shoes by the door. Knowing how anal Mrs. B. is, she's throw me out if I didn't.

As I trudged to Freddie's room to set everything up since he wouldn't be back until after he was finished tutoring Wendy, I remembered what Crazy had said. Sure enough, there was a video camera in the dork's room. I put my pearpod on his dock and played some tunes. Might as well enjoy myself while I wait. I pulled the emergency steak from my purse and started eating it.

"Hmmm… needs more barbeque sauce…"

I dug through my purse for the barbeque sauce. Suddenly, I remembered the second half of what Mrs. Benson said, _'And the police are on speed dial.'_

I laughed. I could beat up three policemen with one hand tied behind my back. Easy.

…

"Ouch! Damnit, Freddie!"

"Samantha! Language!"

I groaned. Crazy. Of course.

"Why not? Crap, Damn, Shit, Fuck. The place is still standing."

"SAMANTHA!"

"Shut up, woman!" I turned to Freddie, "And you! I've had it with you and your sucky dancing! Get your damn act together! You are the worst dancer I've ever seen in my entire life! Hell, you've stepped on my foot eighteen times in the last ten minutes! God, why did I agree to this?"

Freddie winced. I waited. Finally, I blew up.

"Get your clumsy ass foot off me! I'm going home!"

Freddie, dazed, took his foot off mine and I stormed out the door.

That was the end of that.

…

**Short, I know. Like I said, sorry 'bout that. I… yeah.**

**REVIEW!**

**Actually, don't review. I know you all hate me.**


	4. Dance

An Awkward Day at Carly's

…

_**Wednesday**_

…

We stared at each other, both unwilling to give in. Carly was still talking with Frau Morgan, her German teacher. It was the perfect opportunity for our Cowboy-style face off.

I slowly moved toward him in an arced motion. He followed suit.

We circled each other, both determined to have their way. Finally, he spoke.

"Come on, Sam! What's wrong with practicing at my house?"

I gaped at him, appalled that he was so daft that he didn't know. "Your mother, you stupid dorkwad!" I smirked, "I thought you were the smart one."

He narrowed his eyes, "You're the one who practically BEGGED me to dance with you!"

A couple stragglers stared in confusion. Why would Sam Puckett want to dance with Freddie Benson?

"You want to keep your noses?" I barked at them, "Then GO AWAY!"

Freddie jumped and the audience scattered.

"Benson, I won't say it again. We are not practicing at your house. I suggest you not argue."

He opened his nebbish mouth in retaliation.

I cut in, "I am a Puckett, therefore, whatever lame thing you say next is void."

He glared at me, "I can't practice at your house! Your mom is a psychopath!"

He had a point there. But Pucketts never back down. I always win. Always.

"And yours isn't?"

Before Fredamame could respond, Carly spoke.

Huh. When did she get here?

"Guys! Knock it off. Why don't you practice at my place?"

We looked at each other and shrugged.

"Okay."

…

"You behave. Sam, don't kill Freddie. Freddie, don't kill Sam."

I laughed, "He couldn't if he tried."

"SAM." Carly warned. She looked at us pointedly, then went upstairs to study.

I waltzed over to Carly's CD player and stuck my disc in. The wonderful music of Dean Martin filled my ears and I smiled. It might be old, but I loved his music.

I whacked the button until it got to "Sway". **(A/N: I love this song SO much. PLEASE look it up. It doesn't matter which version-They all rock.)**

"Come on, Fredclutz. Let's dance!"

"Fredclutz", he muttered, "That's a new one."

He joined me behind the couch, awkwardly putting his hand on my waist.

I took his hand, pressed up against him, and we began to dance.

He had practiced. I could tell, because he wasn't stepping on my feet at much. He swung me to the left and I almost hit Spencer's bottle bot. I laughed as he whirled me back against him.

"Not bad, nub. Not bad at all."

He dipped me and I laughed even harder. It's hard to explain why. I suppose it was the music and the amusing fact that Freddie wasn't that bad a dancer.

All of a sudden, Freddie looked up and dropped me.

"Ouch! You idiot! What the hell, Freddie?"

Then I realized what he was staring at.

Spencer.

Spencer looked troubled. He glanced at us awkwardly. "Ummm… hi."

I stood up and whacked Freddork upside the head. "Calm down. It's not your mother."

He frowned.

"'Sup Spence?" I asked casually.

"Ummm…"

"So I guess Carly didn't tell you, huh?"

"I thought you were dating Matt."

I rolled my eyes, "Max. And I am."

He looked at us in confusion and I realized what he was thinking. Oh, crap. That's why Freddie looked so freaked. Spence thought this was a date.

"Spence, we're just dancing for the talent show. Max can't 'cause he broke his leg. You really thought I would date… THAT?"

I gestured to Freddie, then shoved him over.

"Hey!"

"That's for dropping me."

He scowled and pulled himself off the floor.

Spencer looked embarrassed, "I'm just gonna… go take a bath now."

"Whatever."

He left and I turned the music back to the correct song. The nub and I resumed dancing.

We were doing pretty good. Very good, in fact. I was shocked at Freddie's overnight improvement.

We almost finished perfectly, but Fredwad ended up stepping on my foot again, tripping me. I fell over and glared at him. He pulled me back to my feet. We started the song over and tried again. And again. And again. And AGAIN. Every single time, Freddie managed to screw up and I always ended up on the floor. We continued this cycle for almost two hours.

"Ugh!" I yelled as I was dropped on the floor again. "Can't you do this right JUST ONCE?"

He smiled apologetically, "Sorry."

He picked me up and we started the song again for the millionth time.

I took his left hand while his put his right around my waist.

"If you screw up this time…"

I left the threat open-ended. It was scarier that way.

Once again, we moved around the floor with the music. I spun, swung out, and was dipped several times. It was almost perfect. Obviously there were places that needed to be fixed, like the part where Freddie and I dance separate. But I expected that. Over all, it was really good. Much improvement.

"Sway with me!" Freddie sang with the last line of the music. I burst into laughter and screwed up some steps, tipping us off balance on the last few notes and causing us to fall over the couch.

I kept laughing until the song ended. Finally, I caught my breath. That's when I noticed our position.

I was lying on the couch with my head hanging off and my feet propped up against the back of it. That wasn't the problem.

Freddie was laying the same way, but he was on top of me.

Pinned under him, I could feel the tension in the room. I didn't really know what to do.

I glanced at him, admiring his perfect brown eyes. They were exactly the color of meatballs. Sometimes I wished Max's eyes were brown like meatballs instead of green like lettuce. I hate lettuce.

"Freddie. Get. Off."

He scrambled off me. I wondered why he stayed there in the first place.

He stood at the door, clearly debating whether he should run.

I flipped over so I was sitting right side up.

"Practice is over. You can leave now."

He seemed grateful to escape the awkward tension that had settled over the room.

Thank God that Spencer hadn't come in then.

…

**Better? Do you love me again? **

**Good.**

**REVIEW!**

**I will post a new chapter tomorrow. The next chapter is your Christmas gift. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.**


	5. Eyes

**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**

…

A Really REALLY Bad (but also good) Day in Seattle

…

_**Wednesday**_

…

I giggled as the cheese dripped down my chin.

"I'm drooling cheese!"

Max rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but smile.

"It's fondue, Sam. Not cheese."

"It tastes like cheese."

I made a show of licking all the cheese-fondue, whatever- off my face.

"Oh, Sam."

Max grinned and took my face in his hands. I let my eyes close, leaned in…

…And he licked cheese off my face.

My eyes snapped open and I stared at him in astonishment. He was laughing like a madman.

I smiled and moved to his side of the booth.

"I like this place. What's it called again?"

He finally managed to stop laughing. "Fantastic Fondue."

"Hmm."

I leaned over and kissed his cheek, which had a little fondue on it.

"Ah. Well, it IS pretty fantastic."

…

_**Thursday**_

…

"Freddie! Hurry your saggy butt up! This is our last practice before the show!"

"Another remark about my butt, Samantha, and you won't have a dance partner."

I scowled at the brown-eyed nub. Damn those brown eyes.

"Well, there's not much to say anyway."

He rolled his eyes and followed me to Bushwell Plaza. Carly was out shopping with Wendy and wouldn't be home until dinnertime. She had strictly forbidden any violence.

"SPENCER!" I yelled upon entering the apartment. He was supposed to be in charge.

In case you're wondering, he'd come to terms with the whole "dance partner" thing. He still thought it was strange, though.

And me?

I had decided to forget the weird couch thing from the night before. It doesn't matter- nothing happened. Why should I care?

Did I tell Max?

Hell, no.

"Spencer?"

"I guess he's not here", remarked Freddie.

"No duh."

I found a piece of paper taped to the Shay's computer.

_Hey, kiddos! There's some new evidence that suggests that there are beavecoons in Canada. Me, Socko, and Socko's cousin (Hunter, the hunter) are going to Canada to find one and prove they exist. Have fun and don't die! ~Spencer_

I laughed, "Okay then. Beavecoon hunting."

Shaking his head, Freddie muttered, "Only Spencer."

I laughed again, "Let's start!"

I stuck in the CD, got to the right track, and hit play.

Freddie took my hand and put his other around my waist. We begun moving around and we were doing good-really good.

Then, everything came to a halt.

The second time he swung me out, I hit one of Spencer's sculptures. I'm not sure which, everything was spinning so much I couldn't tell.

Freddie dropped me in shock.

I tried to focus on one of the ten Freddie faces.

"I hate you."

"I…"

He kneeled down awkwardly.

I noticed a liquid seeping down my temple. Touching my fingers to it and glancing at my hand confirmed that it was blood.

"God, Sam. I'm so sorry. I…"

He stumbled over his words.

"I practiced, I really did. It was an accident. I didn't mean to-"

"Just get me a towel, nub. Spencer will be pissed if we get blood all over his floor."

Freddie stood and jogged into the kitchen. He returned, with a bright red dishrag.

"Thank God. There's only one of you now."

He looked at me in confusion but didn't ask questions. Instead, he gently pressed the towel to the point on my head where I must have been bleeding.

We stayed like this for a while until I got tired of it.

I slapped Freddie's hand away, "Get me a bandaid, Fredclutz. And not one of Carly's Hello Kitty ones. I want one of Spencer's zombie bandaids."

He grinned, "Yes, sir."

He wandered off to find me a bandaid. It only took a minute or so.

He came back and stuck the bandaid on. It actually had ninja stars on it because Spencer ran out of the zombie ones.

He took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

"You okay?"

"Well, I'm standing. So I guess that's a yes."

We stared at each other for a while until it got awkward. I glanced away and noticed that the CD player had stopped.

"Hey! We can't stop practicing! The talent show's TOMORROW!"

"But-"

"No buts, Fredalupe. I want to dance."

He shook his head but turned the music on anyway. God, I love Dean Martin.

We started from the beginning and pretty much got it, but I ended up stepping on Freddie's foot. Hey- I had a head injury, okay?

"Sam!"

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You pushed me onto the floor!"

Did I not mention that? Whoops…

"I did not!"

"Sam!"

"It was an accident!"

"SAM!"

"So it wasn't an accident. You pushed me into", I glanced behind me, "that thing I can only assume is one of Spencer's sculptures."

"But that WAS an accident!"

"You made me bleed."

"I said I was sorry!"

"And now we're even."

He let out a frustrated noise. "Fine, we're even. Whatever, Sam."

"Let's dance!"

"Please don't injure me."

I rolled my eyes and turned on the music.

We began dancing again, flipping and twirling, dipping and spinning like crazy.

We nailed it.

"OH MY GOD! Freddie, we got it! WE GOT IT!"

He stared in shock, "Holy crap. I didn't screw up!"

We started laughing and jumping up and down.

"I can't believe it!" I yelled over another Dean Martin song and Freddie's incessant laughter.

All of a sudden, he stopped.

"I can."

I stared at him, not really knowing what to say. The atmosphere had changed.

I found myself gazing into those perfect brown eyes. Those damn brown eyes.

Don't ask me how it happened. I don't remember.

I just know that somehow, we ended up kissing.

Freddie pushed me up against the wall and it was the greatest feeling in the world. He tasted like bubblegum and peppermint toothpaste and I never wanted him to stop kissing me.

It was amazing.

Amazing at least, until I remembered who he was.

More importantly, I remembered who Max was.

I shoved him away and darted away from his grasp.

We stared at each other in horror.

"Shit." He said, before rushing out the door.

"I'm screwed."

I collapsed on the floor and put my head in my hands.

"Damn those brown eyes."

…

**Like I said, MERRY FRICKIN' CHRISTMAS!**

**I know you loved that chapter.**

**Since that was my Christmas present to you, I have a suggestion for what you should get me.**

**Can you guess what it is?**

**REVIEWS!**

**All I want for Christmas is for you to review.**

**Review and have a merry Christmas, everybody!**


	6. Flake

'**Sup? I just watched the greatest movie- "**_**The Holiday**_**" with Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black, and Jude Law (one of the hottest British actors EVER). I strongly advise you to watch it.**

**Oh, and I watched "**_**Fatal Attractions**_**". Scared the shit outta me.**

**WATCH "**_**BETTER OFF DEAD**_**" OR I WILL SEND GLENN CLOSE TO STAB YOU! It's the funniest movie… :)**

...

The Worst Day in the History of Ever

…

_**Friday**_

…

Freddie was definitely avoiding me.

I'm certain of it.

During lunch, I tried to confront him but he ran off toward the bathrooms. That's my only weakness- the boy's bathroom. I just can't force myself to go in there, no matter how mad I am.

Carly didn't seem to see what was happening between us. Sometimes, she can be blind as a bat.

I needed to talk to him. I needed to make sure…

I had to know that it was him, not me.

We would only kiss if one of us liked the other. If it was Freddie, I could just go on and forget it. It's be like it never happened. Max would never have to know. If it was me…

Things would get complicated.

Plus, I wanted to make sure he was wearing the right outfit for our dance. I picked this awesome red dress that hugged all the right places.

Not for the dork, mind you. I had a date with Max after the talent show.

Anyhoo, I wanted Freddork to wear this suit I found at the dance store. It was kinda stretchy- made specifically to be danced in. I even picked out a red tie to match my dress.

It was extremely frustrating that he wouldn't talk to me.

I huffed and plopped down at our lunch table. Me, Carly, Freddie, and Gibby were regulars at that particular table. Tasha had began sitting with us ever since she started dating Gibby, the shirtless wonder. I still think there's something wrong with her. Maybe she's a mermaid, too? **(A/N: Sam thinks Gibby is a mermaid.)**

I knew HE wouldn't be there, but that was okay. That made it less awkward with Max. I felt incredibly guilty about what happened and wasn't sure whether I should tell him. Freddie would only make everything worse.

I ended up giving Carly the outfit for Freddie. I told her that he was in the computer lab, finishing up some stuff and that I would give it to him after school but I had to prepare for the show.

"Why don't you give it to him now?"

"Ummm… I promised not to bother him."

Carly arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Why would you do that?"

"Uhhh… He had to skip some homework to practice last night. He wouldn't be my partner if I didn't promise to leave him alone long enough to do homework."

"Oh, okay."

Carly turned back to Tasha and continued their conversation.

Max, who had sat down sometime during the exchange, was smiling at me in amusement.

"That's right, you're partners with Freddie. I can only imagine what the reahearsals were like…" he trailed off laughing but I was horrified. There was no way he could know about last night. I knew that. Still, even the mention of it made me nervous.

I chuckled and hoped it looked convincing.

He stopped laughing and continued, "Anyway, I'm rooting for you guys."

"You do know it's not a competition, don't you?"

"Well, I'm looking forward to your performance nonetheless."

"Great."

We continued on about various topics, the school play, Gibby's absence from school, etc.

But even as I nodded and spoke, I knew I wasn't really listening.

I just couldn't shake the thoughts about HIM, all the questions I had.

Who kissed who?

Why?

The questions swirled through my mind all during lunch, never ceasing- not even after the bell rang.

I just couldn't stop thinking about that boy, his lips, and those damn brown eyes.

…

I stood outside the school, nervously checking my watch. He should be here already. He should've been here a long time ago.

I finally called him.

I got the machine and hung up.

"Fuck. Freddie, where the hell are you?

…

I finally gave up and walked inside.

I stared at Carly.

"He's not coming."

"WHAT?"

Even though I was EXTREMELY pissed at the guy, I knew I couldn't tell her the real reason he wasn't here.

"I called him. He's pukin' his guts out at home. His mom's a basketcase."

"Poor Freddie", murmered Carly.

Poor Freddie? Poor me.

"What are you gonna do Sam? You can't dance alone!"

"I know. I guess I'll have to drop out."

"NO! Not after all your hard work! Maybe you could sing or something. You know any good songs?"

I looked at Carly in appreciation, "I do, in fact, have a nice array of songs I could sing. Great idea, Carls."

She smiled at me and I set out to pick and practice a song. Fifteen minutes 'till I go on.

…

I walked onto the stage, my stomach a jumble of nerves. I'd never actually sung in front of anyone but Carly, and even that was rare. Still, there's a first time for everything, right?

I took a deep breath and gripped the mike;

"_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

_Every roommate kept awake_

_By every sigh and scream we make_

_All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you yet"_

I was doing pretty well. Really well, in fact. I was getting into the song and starting to have fun.

"_Only when I stop to think about it"_

Oh my God. HE was there, in the audience. He bailed on me and then decided to come see me make a fool of myself. I let myself get angry as I sang, no longer paying attention to the lyrics. I stared at him and tried to get the message across. I poured all of my anger into the words.

"_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?"_

I continued singing the lyrics before I finally realized what I was saying. SHIT. That wasn't the message I was trying to get across.

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

_You hate everything about me_

_Why do you love me?_

_I hate_

_You hate_

_I hate_

_You love me_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!

I'd been singing for the past 3 minutes about how I loved Freddie! I was so mad, I wasn't paying attention. Maybe it was me.

…

**NAME CHANGE: I'm renaming this story so don't freak out. This is your one-week notice before I change it. I'm going to call it:**

"_**THOSE DAMN BROWN EYES**_**"**

**The song, by the way is "**_**I Hate Everything About You**_**" by Three Day Grace. I wasn't sure what song to do, but I found this one and decided it was perfect. It made my chapter a little different than my original vision, but I kinda like it better this way. **

**What'cha think?**

**REVIEW!**

**P.S.**

**I was originally going to include more in this chapter but it was getting too long. SORRY! The rest of Friday's events will be in the next chapter… next Sunday. Tell you what- if I get up to 35 reviews (9 more) by Thursday, I will update then, K?**


	7. Going

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**Just in case ya'll don't know, this story was once called "iCan't Dance". I like this name better, so… yeah. Plus, the dancing thing is just the beginning. All hell is about to break loose.**

…

Still the Crappiest Day in All History

…

_**Friday**_

…

I dashed offstage as soon as I finished the song.

Good God.

Before I had time to process what just happened, Carly jumped out at me.

"Oh my purple taco cows! Sam, that was amazing!"

I rolled my eyes at my friend's unwillingness to cuss.

"Thanks, Carls." I frowned, "Where's Max? He promised to meet me here after the show."

Carly looked around.

"I dunno. He's probably figuring out how to get down the bleachers with crutches."

As if on cue, Max appeared around the corner.

"Hey, beautiful."

He took me by the waist and gave me a brief kiss before almost falling over. Carly giggled and muttered something about "leaving us alone".

I caught him and smiled, "Hi. Don't trip over that invisible wire."

He chuckled, "Darn. I guess I didn't see that."

I smiled, "I guess not."

"So I thought you were dancing… what happened to Eddie?"

"You mean Freddie?"

"Right. Freddie."

A knot formed in my throat. "He… um. He… was really sick today. Couldn't come."

He frowned but his green eyes twinkled, "Bummer. Well you were pretty awesome, anyways. I didn't know you could sing like that."

"Neither did I", I muttered.

"You interpreted the emotion in that song perfectly. It was fantastic! How did you accomplish that?"

"Practice", I managed to say.

I needed to get out of there and forget about that night.

"Cool!"

I was about to suggest going out for a smoothie when everything started to fall apart.

HE showed up.

Right as Max decided to kiss me again.

I blushed as Max gently kissed my cheek.

"Oh, I see. You just go right back to HIM. I don't get you! You just… you just sang that song and pretend like it never happened?"

I whipped around and was faced with a pair of angry brown eyes.

Shit.

"Freddie?" Max asked, "Sam said you were really sick… I thought you couldn't come."

"Oh, is THAT what she told you?" He spat. Turning to me he raised his voice, "Too afraid to tell the truth, Puckett?"

I found a little courage somewhere in my body.

"I'm not afraid of anything, Benson", I said boldly.

"Really?" Freddie gestured to Max, "Then why don't you tell HIM the real reason you performed solo tonight?"

I felt dread colder than ice seep down my spine.

"Sam? What's going on?"

I looked into Max's questioning eyes and struggled to find words.

"I… Freddie tried to kiss me and I got mad at him so-"

Max's green eyes flashed in anger, "You did what? Benson, you're so screwed. Nobody- NOBODY- kisses my girl!"

He stepped forward and it looked like he was going to hit Freddie.

Freddie didn't look fazed. "Dear Sammy, still having trouble with the truth?"

He looked Max in the eyes.

"YOUR girlfriend kissed ME. I just went along with it."

Oh God. He was right. I remembered everything. I made the first move, not Freddie.

Max looked shocked and tried to find some shred of mistruth in Freddie hard eyes. He turned to me, unbelieving.

"Sam?"

"I… You don't believe him over me, do you?"

Max stepped over to me and looked into my eyes. He wanted to believe me, I could see it.

I couldn't keep looking into those hopeful green eyes.

I dropped my gaze and studied my shoes.

"Oh my God. Sam, I can't believe this. I thought… I thought you were different. I guess you're just like everyone else."

I heard the clinking of crutches and snapped my head up. Max was leaving.

"I'm sorry!" I called out.

Max turned his head toward me. His green eyes, once hopeful, were empty, hollowed out by my betrayal. It made me sick to look at him, so broken. I had done this to him. This was my fault.

"We're done, Sam. It's over."

He started to hobble away and tears began to form.

"Wait!"

He faced me.

"Please."

Max's blank eyes looked at me sadly before he turned back around and continued away.

I turned to Freddie, seething with anger and hurt.

"HOW COULD YOU?"

I marched over to him and stared him down.

"It… it was an accident", Freddie stuttered. He seemed to have lost all the courage he had only moments before.

"An accident? Please!"

"I'm sorry…" He whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear.

"You're SORRY? YOU JUST RUINED THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME!"

Tears were beginning to spill over and I brushed them away angrily.

"I HATE YOU!"

I slammed my fist into his face. I hit him harder than I'd ever hit anyone before.

"Don't ever speak to me again."

More tears leaked out of my eyes as I ran off.

Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed my shoulder.

I whirled around and saw Freddie there. His nose was bent at an awkward angle, blood was pouring out of it, and his brown eyes were filled with regret.

"Sam, please. I-I was angry… I-"

I jerked out of his grip and shoved him onto the ground.

"Fuck off, Benson."

And with that, I stormed off.

I was so frustrated, I couldn't sleep. He'd ruined everything. Maybe it WAS me that initiated the kiss, but I had a head injury and probably wasn't thinking straight. If he would've just kept his mouth shut…

But even though I was furious at Freddie, I couldn't erase it from my mind.

Those damn brown eyes haunted me all night.

…

**YAY!**

**Weren't expecting THAT, now were you?**

**Or maybe you already knew what was about to happen. Whatever.**

**PLEASE, PLEASE, PLLLEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSEEEEE REVIEW!**

**If you don't, I'll kill off an important character. Maybe Freddie.**

**Mwa ha ha!**

**JK! But someone IS about to die. Wanna know? Review and ask! Maybe I'll PM you the answer.**

**BIG NEWS! The next chapter will be the one and only chapter in FREDDIE'S POV!**

**BYE!**


	8. Heal

A Day in the Janitor's Closet

…

**FREDDIE'S POV!**

...

I felt like crap.

Sam wouldn't talk to me after the talent show. A week went by and every time she looked at me…

Scratch that.

Sam didn't look at me- she glared. But there was an underlying sadness to those looks. She seemed so… betrayed. Like I'd stabbed her in the back.

I guess I kind of had.

I really didn't mean to. Frankly, that night… well I don't know what to say. After Sam kissed me at practice, I got really confused. I didn't know what to think. I never would've imagined that a girl like Sam would like me. I mean, I'm a dork. I'd been on two, maybe three dates in my life. I wanted to know what Sam saw in me or at least find out her thoughts about all this. But I was scared.

I was scared that she would beat me to a pulp for bringing the subject up. Or worse, admit that she had feelings for me.

Deep down inside, I loved Sam. But I loved her like a friend. I wasn't sure I felt that way about her. Sure, we had our first kiss together. That was cool and everything, but I thought we were just doing it to get the whole thing over with. Then, there was that one practice where we ended up in a really awkward position on the couch. I won't lie and tell you that I thought nothing of it. Honestly, I wanted to kiss her, but who wouldn't? Sam is… attractive. She messed with my boy hormones. It didn't mean anything.

Then…

The Incident.

I felt bad about Max getting in the car wreck and all. I knew how much Sam loved to dance. That's why I agreed to do the talent show. I was really nervous, being that close to a girl. It didn't help that it was Sam- who might break my arm if she felt like it. I kept screwing up. I'm not a bad dancer, really. You know how my mom dragged me to all those mother-son dance classes. Once I got a hold of my nerves and my crazy boy hormones, I started having a lot of fun during rehearsals. When Sam and I finally nailed the routine, I was ecstatic. So was Sam. We started dancing around and laughing and just having a ball. Then she said those fateful words.

"I can't believe it!"

I always knew we could do it. I was proud of what we'd done and I wanted her to know.

"I can."

It came out all wrong. An accident, I assure you. I said it at a really weird time and made the situation really awkward.

Sam and I just kept staring at each other. I would've given anything to know what she was thinking right then. She was staring so intensely into my eyes…

I slipped.

I couldn't suppress the boy hormones. It's all their fault. They made me walk over to Sam and tuck that one strand of curly blonde hair behind her ear. Then she just kissed me. I don't know why. Just like I don't know why I kissed back. Boy hormones? Probably.

I was so afraid after that night; I couldn't say anything to her. The night of the talent show, I knew I needed to stay away. My emotions were going nuts, one minute I'd be confused, then I'd suddenly get angry, then scared. I was unstable. I shouldn't have gone to the show. I wasn't going to.

My mom ended up having to work an extra shift at the hospital and she dropped me off at Ridgeway. It was too late for me to turn back. I tried to stay outside, but couldn't resist for long. I heard Sam's name announced and my feet wandered into the auditorium and up into the crowded seats. The rest of me followed.

I never knew Sam could sing so well. I was amazed at her talent… at least until I realized what she was singing about. And WHO she was singing about.

It made me more confused.

Did Sam really love me? Could it just be a coincidence that she sang that song? No, it couldn't be. She was staring right at me. Our gazes were locked together.

She meant ME. She loved me.

When she left stage, I knew I had to talk to her. Somewhere inside, I was saying, _"I love you, too!"_

It was probably just those boy hormones again.

Anyway, I saw her standing there.

Cuddling up to Max.

I snapped.

I don't know what possessed me for those few minutes. I wish I did.

I was furious. Sam was MINE!

Except…

She wasn't.

She never had been. Sam belonged to Max.

And I ruined it.

I shouldn't have said anything about our kiss. That was private. Sam and I should've talked first. We should've...

No.

There was nothing we could've said or done to erase that night from our memories. It would haunt us forever.

Still, I should've stopped when I had the chance. As soon as Max walked out, I realized the seriousness of what I'd done.

When Sam hit me, I didn't care. I deserved that broken nose for what I did. I wanted to apologize to her, to make everything better like I always did.

She turned me away.

I couldn't fix it that time. That broke me down; I'd never felt so low in my life.

I don't remember walking home or going to bed that night, but I know I did.

I tried not to fall asleep. I knew what sleep would bring.

After many hours battling the sandman, my body failed me and I fell into a deep sleep.

I dreamt of Sam. All night I saw the broken look in her eyes when Max left the room.

Those damn blue eyes.

…

_**Wednesday **__(a few weeks after the talent show)_

…

I was just leaving school when I heard the sobs emanating from the janitor's closet. Being the sensitive guy I am, I wanted to help.

I was not prepared for the sight that lay inside.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen Sam cry. Each time was different and I knew she didn't like anyone seeing her cry.

That's probably why she was in the janitor's closet.

The sound was so unfamiliar that I didn't recognize it.

So… yeah. Sam was inside, sobbing hysterically.

I immediately thought of Max.

Oh, God.

I did this to her.

I stood there awkwardly staring at Sam. Her head was in her hands and I wanted to rewind what I'd done so badly it hurt.

Finally, she noticed the excess light and looked up.

She seemed a little surprised to see me, but less so than I'd anticipated.

"What do you want?" She asked tiredly.

It was the first time I'd heard her voice since the night of the talent show. I faked sick last week to avoid doing iCarly. I knew Sam would leave if I was there and I didn't want to screw up our show dynamics so Brad filled in for me. He was happy to do it, seeing as he's had a huge crush on Carly since he moved to Seattle. I didn't watch the show. I couldn't bear to see those blue eyes.

I found myself almost frozen by her voice. She sounded so beautiful… I wanted to hear her speak again. I knelt down next to her.

"Hi, Sam. Look, I'm really sorry about-"

She cut me off abruptly, "Don't say it, Benson. Don't say 'Max' or I swear to God I'll kill you."

I tried not to wince. "Sorry."

She looked down again, "It's not about him anyway."

"It's not? But I thought-"

"DON'T! Say. It."

"Oh. Right."

"Listen Fredward. Max…" She paused and I saw a couple tears falling to the floor.

"Max was different. Special. He was good to me but I didn't… love him or anything. It's just…"

She paused again, her gaze darting up to meet mine, then dropping back to the floor.

"No guy has ever treated me like I meant anything before. I wanted to love him because he cared about me. But I didn't. I guess you kinda did me a favor."

She looked up again, not quite meeting my eyes. She smiled, but it was a forced, painful smile.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better, Sam. I understand, and I'm really sorry. I wish I could-"

"Good God, Benson! Are you deaf? I told you: It's not about him!"

I looked at her in bewilderment.

"Then why…?"

"Frothy."

"Your cat?"

Sam frowned and dropped her gaze once more.

"Frothy died last night."

"Your cat."

Sam glared at me. "YES! What's wrong with that?"

I tried to backpedal, "I… thought Frothy died last year."

She gaped at me.

Oops. Wrong thing to say.

"Um, that's not what I meant. See-"

Sam burst out laughing.

"God, Freddie! You really are a nub!"

She continued laughing manically and it didn't take long for me to join in.

After a while, Sam stopped laughing and wiped her eyes. I caught my breath and smiled at her in reassurance.

"I really am sorry about your cat."

"Frothy."

"Frothy", I agreed.

I slung an arm around Sam shoulder and pulled her close. I knew she was hurting and not just because of her cat. She needed someone to comfort her, and it might as well be me.

"He's in a better place now."

Sam looked at me quizzically, "You think Frothy went to cat heaven?"

I frowned, "No. Frothy wouldn't want to spend all eternity with all those goody-two-paws."

She chuckled quietly. It could've even been a giggle.

"I think he's in alley cat heaven. Where the alley cats go when they die. He can fight the other cats to his heart's content and he'll have so much food, he'll end up as a big ol' fat cat. And there will be lots of gorgeous blue-eyed cats to keep him company."

Sam smiled at me and leaned her head against my shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

…

**AWWWW! **

**Poor Frothy. **

**(I told you someone was about to die. I just didn't say it was a human. *insert evil laugh here*)**

**Anyone think Freddie uses his boy hormones as an excuse a little too much?**

**No? Just me?**

**Oh well.**

**Just REVIEW, okay?**

**Thanks.**


	9. Involvement

**FYI: No more chapters in Freddie's POV. That was a one-time thing. So, just to clarify- This and all the chapters that follow are in SAM'S POV. Got it? Okay, good. Just making sure.**

…

Friday at the Groovy Smoothie

…

_**Friday**_

…

"So remember…"

"…When you want to use your mom's socks as sprinkles…"

"Cut them in really tiny pieces!"

"Cut!" yelled Freddie, setting his precious camera down gently.

Carly stared at me.

After a brief moment of this, I finally gave up pretending I didn't see her LOOK.

"WHAT?"

"Sam…"

She paused, glancing at Freddie. Then she stopped glancing and gave him that LOOK.

"Okay, Carly", he said as he walked out. "Message received."

He shut the door and Carly turned to me.

"Sam, what's wrong? You aren't acting normal. Is this about Max?"

Shit. I'd been avoiding the Max topic with Carly for the last few weeks. Obviously, I wasn't about to tell Carly the real reason we broke up. I didn't really want to talk about it anyway.

"No, Carls. It's not. I told you- I'm over him."

"Then why are you acting all depressed and mopey? And you've barely spoken to Freddie for weeks. What's going on?"

I tried to come up with an excuse, but my mind was going blank.

"Umm…"

And then I remembered my cover story.

"Freddie ran over my cat with his car."

"Oh em gee! Is he okay?"

"Freddie? He's fine."

Carly rolled her eyes. "No, I mean Frothy. Is he alright?"

I felt a small pang. Poor Frothy. "No. He died."

"Oh, Sam."

Carly stepped over and enveloped me in a hug. She knew how special Frothy was to me. He showed up at my door the day after my dad left us, and had been an important friend at home when things got rough. He was special and I really missed him.

Freddie didn't actually hit him with his car. The dork's car barely runs. It'd probably die if it ran over a sock. Crazy keeps trying to force Freddie to get rid of it, but he bought it with his money, so she can't do anything about it.

Anyway, some jerk in my neighborhood ran over Frothy. I gave the guy a good beating, I assure you. He was REAL sorry. I felt guilty, too. I got home late and my mom threw him out. If I had gotten there earlier, Frothy would be alive. But maybe it's better this way. He was getting old and the rabies was starting to mess him up. At least it was a quick death.

My phone buzzed and I pulled away from Carly's grip to look at it.

_Do you and Carly want to come to the Groovy Smoothie in about ten minutes? __**~Freddie**_

I rolled my eyes at Frednub's perfect grammer.

_b there in 5. If carly asks tell her you killed my cat __**-Sam**_

_What? __**~Freddie**_

_nevermind __**-Sam**_

…

As it turned out, Carly had a date, so I went to the Groovy Smoothie by myself.

I flopped down next to Freddie.

"Freddie, go buy me a smoothie."

"Why?"

"You killed my cat! The least you can do is get me a blueberry blitz."

Freddie laughed, but got me a smoothie anyways.

He set it down next to me and started talking as soon as I started sucking down the deliciousness that T-Bo made.

"So, how is it my fault that Frothy died?"

"You got a better explanation for us not talking for the past two weeks?"

He was quiet for a while.

"Not really. But won't you have to tell her the truth eventually? I mean, she'll want to know why… why you and Max split up."

I looked up from my smoothie, "I'll just tell Carly to mind her own damn business."

"And you actually think that'll work?"

"Of course not."

Freddie laughed. "Well, you could always t-"

"BRAIN FREEZE!" I coughed and pressed my fingers to my temples.

Only when my brain regained normal temperature did I realize that Freddie had been laughing at me.

"Hey! Don't laugh at me!"

"I…" he tried to catch his breath.

"I just…"

He started laughing again and I glared at him. Soon though, I joined in and the smoothie shop was filled with our crazy laughter.

Finally, red faced, we caught our breaths.

"What were you saying before all this?"

Freddie's eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to remember what he'd been saying.

"Oh yeah! I was thinking, why don't you tell Carly that you broke up with him because you... I don't know. Pretend you got a better offer."

"She'll want to know who the 'better offer' was."

"Tell her the guy lives in Vegas. Make up a name and say he's an old friend from juvie. In a couple days, fake like the guy had to go back to Vegas because he was breaking parole."

"Genius", I muttered in amazement.

"I didn't realize you were so good at lying. I bet you could even fool yourself if you tried. "

Freddie got a funny look on his face, but I just continued rambling on.

"Try convincing yourself that fladurkle is a real color."

"Sure, whatever."

"You okay?"

He looked at me, confusion clouding those damn brown eyes. "Yeah… I just need some… fresh air."

Before I could protest, he was gone.

What did I say?

…

**I guess this is kind of a filler chapter- sorry about that. The next chapter will be better, I swear. Actually, I'll post two chapters next week if I get 8 reviews on this chapter. **

**What do you think?**

**Is Freddie lying to himself about his feelings for Sam? (probably)**

**Will Sam finally be honest with herself about her feelings for Freddie?**

**Is Carly as clueless as they think she is?**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	10. Jump

**Hey guys! So I haven't gotten up to 8 reviews, so I'm only posting one chapter today. However, if I get 2 more reviews by dinnertime, I'll post a chapter tomorrow. K?**

…

A Symbolic Day in the Woods

…

_**Saturday**_

…

That Wednesday, when Freddie saw me crying in the janitor's closet…

That wasn't supposed to happen.

Pucketts don't cry.

Pucketts aren't weak.

But I guess every shell has a soft spot.

Freddie saw the soft underbelly I try so hard to hide. I hated for him to see me like that, but what's done is done. I can't change the past.

I decided to change the future instead.

I didn't know what feelings I had or didn't have for the camera dork that lived across from Carly's apartment. I needed to sort them out soon, before they destroyed me. I just couldn't move on until I figured myself out.

I needed a plan.

And I decided the best way for me to figure out my feelings was to spend more time with the geek queen. The only way to do that without drawing Carly's attention was to either do it in secret (not gonna happen—Fred would never go along with it) or…

I had to give Frothy a funeral.

"Carly? Freddie?"

My two best friends lifted their heads from their schoolwork.

"Freddie? You called me FREDDIE? Are you okay?"

Carly looked at me with concern, "What's wrong?"

"I…" Oh God. This was going to be so embarrassing.

"Will you come to Frothy's funeral?"

…

"Thank you for coming, everyone."

Fortunately, neither of my friends laughed at my question. Freddork's mouth was on the floor but Carly thought it would be "healthy" to get closure or whatever. I don't know, I wasn't really listening to her phycho-babble.

"Freddie? Would you… say a few words?"

I stepped down from the podium and let Freddie step up. Okay, actually, it was a refrigerator box and a stepstool, but whatever. I made the gang drive several hours so that we could put Frothy to rest in the woods. That was just a ploy to spend more time with… you know. There wasn't anything to bury.

You would expect that when I remembered the accident, I would hear the tires screech and a tiny thump. That's not what happened.

The driver never stopped.

He ran over Frothy without a second glance, like he was worthless.

He wasn't worthless. He was everything to me. He was the one friend I could tell everything to.

I miss him.

"Frothy was… a good cat. He was a fighter, just like Sam. He had rabies for years, but never let it bring him down. He was always there to bring our spirits up and give us… inspiration."

"and scratches", muttered Spencer. I'll give anyone a million dollars if they can figure out why cats hate that guy so much. Well, maybe not a million dollars. More like two.

"We all hold the memory of Frothy… proudly. We are lucky to have known such a spirited cat. Frothy, may you rest in peace."

The others- Spencer, Freddie, Gibby and Guppy- muttered agreement.

Freddie stepped down and Spencer spoke next. One by one, my friends said things on behalf of Frothy. It was surreal, how many nice things they said about him. Carly went last, putting a hand on my shoulder comfortingly when she finished.

"Sam? Do you want to say something before we… put him to rest?"

I took a deep breath. I knew this would happen.

"Okay."

I stepped up on the plastic kitchen stool and folded my hands.

"Frothy wasn't just a cat. He was my best friend. I've known him longer than I've known any of you. He was there for me when my dad left. He was there when my mom got drunk and didn't come home. He's always been there for me and I guess I took that for granted."

I was surprised to find myself tearing up a little. I swallowed it back and tried to finish.

"I hope that Frothy is having fun right now in…"

I glanced at Freddie and smiled.

"…alley cat heaven. Maybe one day, he can be reincarnated. When he comes back, he'll be a lion. At heart, that's really what he was. He wasn't afraid to stand up to the bigger, meaner cats, dogs, or even people. He was brave, and I guess I inherited a little of that bravery. If not for Frothy, I wouldn't be the Sam Puckett you know today. Frothy, if you're out there, thank you."

I stepped down off the stool and brushed a stray tear from my eye before someone could notice.

We couldn't bury Frothy because of how horribly broken his body had been. I had to have my mom clean him off the asphalt. I couldn't bear to look at his mangled body. He never even had a collar, though I tried to put one on him when I was ten. Actually, it was a shoestring. He got rid of it soon after I tied it on. Carly said we should "liberate" some things of Frothy's that meant something. I cut the shoestring in two (I reused the shoestring when Frothy wouldn't wear it. It was on a pair of converse last) and brought part of it. The other half I pinned to my wall with a picture of Frothy. I also brought a dishrag and a bar of soap, because Frothy always slept in the sink, no matter what.

Carly brought a balloon, which we tied the shoestring to and released. We buried the soap and the dishrag under a maple tree, in a shoebox. It was sickeningly sweet, but the symbolism was kind of neat. And Carly was right, it did help.

…

After the ceremony and the LONG drive back, I felt better, but still totally unsure about the Freddie issue. I decided it was time to kick things up a notch. I waited until Carly went inside, then grabbed Fredmund's arm before he did the same.

"What?"

"Thanks for coming, Frederly. You didn't have to."

"What are friends for? Besides, It WAS me that killed him."

He winked and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well…" I trailed off looking at those damn brown eyes. I once thought they were meatball brown, but suddenly they looked more like barbeque sauce.

"Sam? I know I screwed up a lot, but I care about you. You're one of my best friends, and I can't lose you. Can we… can we start over?"

I looked at him for a moment, then shoved him over.

"What the hell?"

"Your face was bothering me."

He looked at me in bewilderment, but started laughing soon afterward, realizing what I'd said.

That was the first thing I ever said to Fredward Benson. He said hi, I shoved him over, he asked 'What was that for?" and I told him that his face was bothering me. Honest to God, that's what happened.

Once we'd both calmed down (after much too much laughter that ended in me collapsing on the ground), I scooted next to the nub and leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Remember that time we had to watch all those dancing videos for iCarly and I fell asleep on you?"

I had woken up just like this, with my head on his shoulder. What an awkward position.

"Yeah."

"Remember when we had to share a locker?"

He chuckled, no doubt remembering all the crazy things we did to each other for that locker.

"Yeah."

"Remember when we went to Japan and you fell out of a plane?"

"You pushed me."

"Remember when we snuck out to watch the MMA fight and Jackson Colt flung Spencer into a table?"

Freddie smiled.

"Yeah."

"Remember when I told everyone that you never kissed anyone?"

Freddie seemed mildly surprised that I'd mention that thing that we promised we'd never talk about.

"Remember when you didn't come to iCarly and I found you on the fire escape?"

He raised his eyebrows.

"Remember this?"

I kissed him.

It was sweet and kind and perfect. Not awkward like out first kiss or wrong like the second. Not hungry. Not strained. Not out-of-breath, tongue-down-your-throat gross or sappy sweet. Not rushed or unsure.

It was nice, the way kisses ought to be.

We pulled apart and the feeling lingered on my lips. I smiled shyly at the ground.

Mission complete.

…

**WOO HOO!**

**Dang, that was fun to write.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**Oh, and please review. That would be really cool.**


	11. Kissing

**I can't believe how many reviews I got today. Ten reviews. TEN. That meant a lot to me and it totally made my day. I'm starting to get letters from colleges and am trying to decide whether to go into creative writing. I really want to and I know my parents will support me in whatever I do, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't succeed. Reviews remind me that people not only like what I write, but care enough to tell me so. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS As promised, here is chapter 11.**

…

A Nervous Day at Pini's

…

_**Sunday**_

…

I was extremely nervous. After our kiss the night before, Freddie had slowly gotten up, blushing furiously, and went home. He texted me a while later, asking if I wanted to join him at Pini's on Sunday. I agreed of course, but I didn't really know what going to Pini's with Freddie meant. Too many questions swirled in my mind. Was it a date? Would that make me his girlfriend? Would he want to talk about the kiss? Did he want to talk about what it meant? What if it wasn't a date? What if he was going to tell me to get lost because he wasn't interested?

If it was a date, I needed to dress nice-ish.

If it wasn't, I'd have to leave town. Getting rebuffed by the nerdiest guy in school would be the most embarrassing thing ever. I'd never look at Freddie the same.

So you can imagine why I decided to ditch. The risk was too high. If I didn't go, at least my dignity would be intact.

I sat at home watching Girly Cow reruns in a baggy sweatshirt, when I heard a knock on the door. Our doorbell broke when I was 9, and we never got around to fixing it. The only people that ever came knocking were Jehovah's Witnesses and people coming to collect the mortgage. We usually ignored them, so I just pretended not to hear.

"Sam! Hey! Are you there?"

I jumped off the couch. What the hell? Why would he be…

Oh yeah.

Freddie said he's PICK ME UP at 7.

I glanced at the clock. Sure enough, it was 7.

I glanced at the door, debating whether to answer.

"Sam?"

My body sagged. He was already here, and he was waiting for me. I couldn't pretend I never heard him.

I jogged over to the door, hesitating for another fraction of a second, but opening it anyway.

Freddie stood there in a nice button down shirt, holding a small bunch of unusual red flowers.

Oh my God.

This WAS a date.

And I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt.

"Oh God, Freddie, I'm so sorry! I fell asleep watching TV… Lemme get changed real quick…"

He touched my shoulder and smiled.

"Take all the time you need. But for the record, I think you look great just like that."

Holy shit. Old Freddie would've never had the balls to say that to anyone, especially not to me.

Could he really like me like I liked him?

It didn't seem possible. I mean, I tortured that boy for years. I stuffed rotten fish in his locker, exposed his deepest secret. I gave him Texas wedgies. Do you have any idea how painful that is? No, it just didn't make sense for Freddie to like me. But he was at my house with flowers.

I dashed upstairs and flung open my closet. Suddenly, it seemed like I had nothing to wear. God, no wonder Carly gets so freaked before dates.

Dates.

Oh God, I'm going on a date with Fredward Benson.

…

We sat on opposite ends of a booth in Pini's. I tugged at the hem of my skirt nervously. I'd ended up just picking the cleanest skirt I owned (a short purple one Carly forced me to buy) and adding a zebra striped tank top. Freddie offered me his coat when we got inside the restaurant, but I refused it. I soon regretted that. Pini's may have the best lasagna on the planet but they use the air conditioner way too much so it's like Antarctica in there.

"So."

"So…"

"So…"

Freddie and I spent pretty much the entire time staring at the table.

I guess the nub had lost his nerve.

Finally, I decided I'd had enough.

"That's it. I can't take it anymore. Say something besides 'SO'!"

Freddie looked at me in confusion.

"Umm…"

"NO! No more! I'm tired of staring at this damn table, Freddie. Why did you ask me here?"

Freddie lifted his head to look at me, then dropped it quickly as he started to blush.

"Seriously, Benson. Say something or I'm leaving."

He looked at me and opened his mouth, but no words came out. His head drooped back down.

"I knew this was a waste of time."

I stood up and walked out the door, fully prepared to take the bus home.

He followed.

"Sam! Look I'm sorry, okay? I'm just not good with… words and stuff."

I turned around to see the nub standing about a foot away. Weird how tall he's gotten. I'd have to stand on my toes to reach his mouth…

"I just…"

He screamed in frustration.

"I'm going home, Fredblock. Call me when you learn how to talk."

I turned and started off towards the bus stop, but before I could take two steps, Freddie grabbed me by the shoulder, spun me around, and kissed me.

It was unique, like all the others, but sweet all the same. He's bent down slightly at first, grabbing my shoulders. In a matter of seconds, we settled into a more comfortable position. One of his hands was tangled in my hair, the other around my waist. Mine circled his neck, and I was now on my tiptoes, kissing this nubbish boy that I've loved all along.

We reluctantly pulled apart after a while, and I guess Freddie finally remembered how to talk.

"I really like you Sam. The other day, at the Groovy Smoothie… Well, I've been denying it. Lying to myself. I don't really know how long or how it started, but all I want right now is to be kissing you. I was so shocked yesterday, but you made me realize how much I care about you. I hoped… I hoped you would feel the same. That's why I asked you out tonight. I wanted to see if this-"

He gestured to our hands, which I then realized were interlocked.

"-could be real."

He took in my surprised expression rather calmly for someone who might've just made a complete idiot of himself.

I moved closer to him and smiled. "Well, is it?"

He grinned and squeezed my hand.

"Absolutely."

…

**Man, this story is getting SUPER fun to write. Please PLEASE ****PLEASE**** review and give me some suggestions. I have some thoughts on where I want this story to go, but I'm kind of playing connect the dots. I have specific events in mind but don't quite know how to get there.**

**REVIEW!**


	12. Losers

**I apologize in advance for the short chapter. Happy February!**

…

A Day of Flaming Dodgeballs (at School)

…

_**Monday**_

…

I walked through the school hallways a little prouder on Monday. I stood a little taller, held my head a little higher, smiled a little wider, and acted a little happier. Despite Freddie being a complete nub, I really liked him and was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was mutual.

Freddie's never shown real interest in girls- other than Carly. And Shelby Marx. Anyways, I just thought he was so absorbed in nerd world, he never noticed the female species. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought he LIKED me. Would you like someone that sent your technology to Asia? Or put salad dressing in your hair? Or gave you daily wedgies? Would you like someone that constantly insulted you? Neither would I, that's why it was so surprising. I think even Freddie was kinda surprised. I don't know what that boy sees in me.

As I walked down the hall, a realization suddenly hit me like a flaming dodgeball.

Dating Freddie would ruin my reputation as Ridgeway's resident badass.

I couldn't allow that.

It took a long time to gain this rep, and I wasn't about to tarnish it by flaunting me and Freddie's… relationship all around school. We'd just keep it a secret.

I didn't really want to tell Carly anyway. She's the kind of friend that gets WAY too excited over these kinds of things and then asks WAY too many questions- including a lot that I wouldn't want to answer.

So when Freddie came up to me by my locker and slung his arm around my shoulders, I had to act fast, relying on my badass instincts.

"Eww! Freddork is trying to seduce me… I think I'm about to vomit! Someone get me a bag…"

I shoved the poor, stunned boy over. He looked at me like a wounded zebra looks at a hungry lion.

Sorry Freddie, but I had to do it.

"You perv."

I tossed my hair over my shoulder and marched out of school looking as irked as possible.

Freddie was going to hate me.

…

Freddie caught up to me halfway to my house. That was okay- nobody from school ever came out this far. They knew this was a bad neighborhood.

"Sam!" he shouted after me, huffing and puffing like… never mind.

"Wait up! SAM!"

I stopped abruptly and he crashed into me a second later. We both tumbled onto the ground.

Freddie pulled himself off of me and apologized sheepishly. I stood and faced him.

"Whatcha want, Fredwardo?"

"What do I… Sam, what's with the nicknames and the bullying? I thought we were you know, together."

"We are. I just…" I hesitated, but I knew it was necessary.

"If people knew we were dating, my rep would be ruined. I just can't let that happen; I worked hard to earn it."

Freddie's shoulders sagged. He looked crestfallen.

"You're saying we have to keep this a secret."

It wasn't a question.

"I'm sorry, but it just has to be this way. Besides, do you really want to deal with Carly when she finds out about this?"

"You said when."

I stared at Freddie. The corners around his amazing brown eyes were crinkled up and he was failing miserably at concealing his laughter. I soon joined in.

"I said when!" I yelled out as we laughed.

A few minutes passed before we managed to control ourselves again.

"So, are you okay with this? Keeping it a secret, I mean."

Freddie stepped towards me and took my hand.

"It wouldn't be my first choice, but as long as I have you, I'll be okay."

I grinned, and he tilted my head back, giving me another amazing kiss.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and he entangled his in my hair.

We broke apart soon. Too soon, it seemed, but we were both breathless. It was like we'd forgotten how to breathe.

"I really am sorry, Freddie."

"It's okay."

He took my hand and walked me home. Of course, my mom happened to be there, and she threw a plate at him and told him not to get me pregnant.

Sorry, Freddie.

…

**I feel pretty good about this chapter. I'm trying to keep Sam and Freddie in character. Am I doing OK?**

**How do you think Carly should find out?**

**PLEASE, for the love of ham and fatcakes, REVIEW!**


	13. Mischief

A Smashing Day… in Jail

…

_**Friday**_

…

Freddie had adapted well to the whole "dating in secret" thing. During school, we acted perfectly normal. Well, not always. I wanted to make out with my nub, and Mama ALWAYS gets what she wants. I forced the goody-two-shoes to skip P.E. and practically dragged him into the janitor's closet.

My phone buzzed right as we were about to kiss.

I swore at the person who had interrupted us..

Freddie pulled away.

"Who is it?"

"Who knows? Probably just my mom. She keeps trying to get me to set up blind dates for her", I grinned, "I'm considering setting her up with Jonah.

I frowned down at my vibrating phone.

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed as soon as I realized who sent the text.

"What is it?" Freddie asked curiously.

"It's Tara!"

Freddie frowned, "Tara? Your friend from Juvie?"

"Yeah! She's out of jail!"

He didn't seem to get my enthusiasm, but refrained from saying anything that would get his shirt ripped apart. I guess that doesn't sound as menacing as it used to.

I clicked on the text message and whooped gleefully.

"She's having a smash party! We have to go!"

"What's a smash party?"

"You'll see."

I smiled and grabbed his arm.

"You're gonna love this."

…

I grabbed my bag and got Freddie. He drove us to the party, though I wasn't sure his truck could make it. He pulled into the parking lot and looked at the buldinig skeptically.

"So… Dana lives here?"

"No, stupid. Of course not."

He strared at it again. The house was literally falling apart at the seams.

"It's like a shack. An old abandoned shack. Why would she want to have her party here?"

"It's a SMASH party, dipthong. DUH."

He glanced at me quizzically, then it dawned on him.

"Wait… so a smash party… Are we just here to destroy stuff?"

"Yep!" I yelled gleefully, jumping out of the truck.

"Well okay then", he mumbled.

He hopped out as well, grabbing my bag before he shut the door.

"Geez!" he yelped under the weight, "What's in here?"

"My contribution."

I opened the bag for him to see.

"Oh."

Inside was an assortment of glass plates, vases, salt and pepper shakers, figurines, and the like.

"I don't suppose you bought these from a thrift store."

"Nope", I smiled guiltily.

It's amazing how much breakable crap people keep in their attics."

He sighed. "Oh, Sam."

The nub followed me in. It was chaos; people were destroying things left and right. Chairs, windows, light bulbs, anything they could get their hands on.

"Are you sure this is legal?"

I chose to ignore that question.

Dana jogged over and hugged me.

"Hey, Sam! How's it hangin'?"

"It's been great! How's it being outta Juvie?"

"It's pretty fucking awesome!"

She glanced at Freddie.

"What's this dipthong doing here?"

"Oh, him?" I gestured to Freddie, who was a little red in the face.

"He's my apprentice. He's learning the badass ways."

Dana looked at him with a little appreciation.

"Welcome to the dark side."

I pulled some stuff from my bag and handed it to my purple-headed friend.

"Happy homecoming, Dana!"

She punched me playfully.

"You're the pest, Puckett."

She wandered off in one directiuon and I handed Freddie a plate. He stared at it like it was about to bite him. I groaned.

"Come on, Fredwuss. Throw the damn plate!"

I took a cow figurine from my bag and threw it at the wall. It shattered, the shards joining the others on the floor.

"Like that."

He looked at me, the plate, and the mound of broken glass. With a determined look, he gripped the pink plate and faced the wall. He raised his arm and threw the plate forcefully. It's pink pieces flew in several directions and I grinned appreciatively at my secret boyfriend.

"See, that wasn't so bad."

Freddie stared at his hands in amazement. He jerked his damn brown eyes up to meet my blue ones.

"That was AWESOME! Can we do it again?"

…

We were all having a great time until the police showed up.

Then everyone scattered, and those of us not fast enough were taken to jail. Of course, most of us practiced delinquints knew the drill and made it to safety.

Sadly, Freddie was not one of them. I turned back to go rescue him.

So we both ended up in jail.

He was pissed at me for making him do something illegal and I was mad at him because he made me get caught doing something illegal.

The cell was tiny, so the best we could do was sit back-to-back, facing opposite walls.

I knew they would call my mom, but she wouldn't care. Freddie's mom, though, would have a fit. She'd never let him out of the house again.

When the guard showed up, he took my fingerprint. It was on file.

He asked for Freddie's. Since it wasn't on file, he asked for the boy's name.

"That's Melanie", I interjected before Freddie could say anything.

"My twin sister."

Both men turned and stared at me. I shot Freddie a look that said PLAY ALONG and did my best to sound sincere.

"She", I frowned and pretended to be embarrassed.

"Sorry, Max. HE just went through a sex change."

I glanced at Freddie, who was blushing furiously. I can work with that.

"He's kinda sensitive about it, so please don't grill him", I mentioned quietly.

"Our mom is really disappointed in him."

The policeman looked at Freddie with pity.

"I see. And he goes by 'Max' now?"

"Yep."

The dope bought it and only called my mom. Freddie smiled at me gratefully.

Still, I knew that someone had to come bail us out. I knew my mom wouldn't do it. Obviously, we couldn't ask Freddie's mom to. That left Carly, Gibby, and Spencer.

There was no way Carly could know about this and not be suspicious. Gibby couldn't do it because he was still 17. Spencer could, but he's terrible at keeping secrets.

"We have to call Spencer to come get us."

Freddie glanced at me and frowned.

"He'll blab the whole thing to Carly."

I grinned, "Not if we tell him we were out getting Carly's birthday present."

"Carly's birthday was three days ago", Freddie pointed out.

"Yeah, but her birthday party is tomorrow."

"Oh. Yeah, that could work."

I yelled at the guard and told him I wanted my one phone call.

He led me to the phones, where I promptly called the Shay house. Carly answered, and I told her I needed to talk to Spencer about her party.

"Sorry, Sam. He's not home. That lady from the grocery store gave him another chance and they're in Yakama for the rest of the day."

"Oh, crap."

"Can I help?"

"Carly, I'm in jail."

There was a long pause on the other line.

"Again?"

"Yeah, and Freddie's here too."

"What? Why is Freddie in jail? What did you do?"

I decided to stick with our original excuse. "We were buying birthday presents and the woman was a real bitch to me. I gave her a black eye and knocked out two teeth."

"SAM! That is not how we treat people."

I rolled my eyes. "I know. Will you please just come and bail us out?"

"Fine. How much?"

"600."

"As in dollars?!"

"No, Carly, as in sheep. Of course I meant dollars!"

"Oh, brother."

She hung up and the guard brought me back to the cell.

Freddie was still a little mad at me, so he kept trying to seduce me. Don't laugh, you have no idea how hard it was to sit there and act like a respectable human being. The guard still thought we were siblings, so kissing him would be a BIG give-away.

He kept running his hand up my thigh and inching his fingers along the bottom of my shirt. I have never been so relieved to see a Shay in my life.

Albeit, it was an angry Shay, but at least she was bailing me and my Freddo outta jail.

"Sam, next time, don't buy me a present. Just stay out of jail. Then maybe I'll have money to buy something for myself once in a while."

"I'm not making any promises."

She sighed, and the guard led us out. I told her about our cover up for Freddie on the way home. She laughed her head off, but told me I shouldn't lie to the police.

"They want to help you."

"No, they want to keep me behind bars forever."

While she was driving, Freddie's hand was still on my thigh. It was getting increasingly difficult not to jump that boy with his damn brown eyes.

Carly dropped me off at my house. I waited about ten seconds before taking off toward Bushwell.

I got there about five minutes after Freddie did. I knocked on his door politely, but yanked him out as soon as he opened it. I dragged him onto a broom closet, shoved him into a corner, and glared at him.

"What did I do?" he asked innocently

I growled at him. "Thou shalt not tempt the great Sam Puckett."

He moved close to me and settled his hands above my hips, moving his fingers in slow circles.

"Whatever do you mean?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Those who cannot be patient never get what they want."

Freddie simply slipped his hinds under my shirt, caressing my lover back and pulling us even closer.

"Me thinks she doth protest too much."

I pounced.

Best. Make-out session.

EVER.

…

**AAAND you're welcome.**

**How suspicious do you think Carly is?**

**REVIEW!**


	14. Noticed

**Sorry this is up so late! I meant to post it this morning, but I slept through my alarm and was almost late for church. I hope you like this chapter and REVIEW!**

…

A High Day in the Alleyway

…

_**Sunday**_

…

_Meet me after school_.

Freddie's brow furrowed as he ducked his head to read the text. I glanced over at Mrs. Briggs to make sure she was still… doing whatever it is teachers do.

My phone vibrated. I flicked it to get past the lock screen.

_Please what? _

I rolled my eyes at him from across the room.

_PLEASE meet me after school._

_Where?_ came his swift reply.

I thought for a moment.

_Behind the bleachers. 3:00 sharp. Don't be tardy ;)_

He grinned at me while Mrs. Briggs' back was turned. I did my best to ignore it. We had to be inconspicuous. After the jail fiasco, we had to be more careful so Carly wouldn't catch us. For one, we never texted eachother except in Mrs. Briggs' class. It was the only one we were both in that she wasn't. We'd also changed our contact info in case Carly ever saw something on our Pear phones. "Freddie" was changed to "Sir Bacon FatCakes" in my phone. I was in his phone as "Unknown". Yep, real creativity in that boy. I was hoping some of mine would rub off on him while we were… dating.

The bell rang at exactly 2:35, releasing a vicious stampede of students out into the hallway. I hung back with my Freddie and…

Did I say _my_ Freddie?

Shit. I keep doing that.

Anyhow, I waited with Miss Pointy Boobs while he packed up his books. I wasn't worried about her telling Carly.

He sidled up to me and grabbed my wrist, grinning.

"So what happens at three o'clock?"

I checked to make sure there wasn't anyone outside the door. There wasn't.

I leaned close to his ear and whispered, "You'll find out when you get there."

I pulled back, grinned mischievously, and walked out the door.

I had things to do.

…

Twenty three minutes later, I stood behind the Ridgeway bleachers in a dress. It was short and clingy, and I knew Freddie would love it. Plus, the deep maroon fabric really brought out my blue eyes.

I tapped my foot anxiously. One and a half minutes to go.

I yanked out my compact, checking my makeup for the millionth time.

Forty-five seconds.

I glanced around.

"Freddie's never late", I muttered to calm myself.

"He'll be here."

I heard a far off clock striking. One, two, three times it clanged.

I scanned the area.

No Freddie.

Suddenly, a panting Freddie emerged from one side. He was wearing a suit and carrying a boquet of the same flowers he'd given me on our first date, but they were blue this time.

I crossed my arms and glared at him.

"You're ten seconds late."

He smiled apologetically.

"Will this go on my permanent record?"

I let my arms fall and laughed. He handed me the flowers, grinning from ear to ear.

"What are these for?"

"You didn't think I'd forget about out anniversary did you?"

I pulled the brown-eyed boy into a warm hug. How can he be so perfect?

He pulled away and took in my expression.

"So, am I forgiven?"

"On one condition." I grinned and threaded my fingers in his hair. I'd never have imagined myself doing this, but love changes you.

Did I say love?

Shit. I've been doing that.

Still, I think Freddie's cologne was making me high. Why else would I have pulled the biggest dork in the school three inches from my face and said…

"Kiss me."

And he did.

It was the beginnings of a great kiss, but then that scream ruined it all.

"OH MY GOD!"

Freddie and I jerked apart, both ending up on our butts. He scrambled up, grabbing my hand and pulling me up with him.

We both saw Carly at the same time.

…

**I haven't had a cliffhanger in a long time, so I felt like it was overdue.**

**You're welcome.**

**REVIEW!**

**P.S. I forgot to add this last week, but they are in school on Sunday because there were a lot of snow days and the students voted to have one day of "Sunday School" instead of making the last day of school a Monday. **


	15. Occasion

**So, in case you somehow forgot, Carly has just witnessed the epicness of Seddie kissing. **

...

An Apologetic Day behind the Bleachers

…

_**Sunday**_

…

I stumbled backward and Freddie's eyes widened.

Carly knew. She saw us kiss.

"Oh my Galapagos Turtle! You guys are a couple!"

"NO!" came my knee-jerk reaction. "We are NOT a couple. That's disgusting, Carly. We're just…" I glanced at Freddie. There really wasn't a good way to explain this.

"… dating. We're dating."

Carly shrieked excitedly and ran over to us. I winced at the high pitched noise. She crushed Freddie and I in a hug a Boa Constrictor might give.

"Can't… breathe.." Freddie wheezed out.

Carly released us, "Sorry, Freddie."

She looked at me sternly. "How long has this been going on?"

I swayed back and forth nervously.

"A week", I managed to say.

"A WEEK? When were you going to tell me?"

I looked to Freddie for help, but he seemed to be rather interested in a bug crawling over his shoe.

"Umm…"

"Holy fajitas. You guys weren't going to tell me." Carly took on a wounded expression.

The bug on Freddie's shoe flew off and he glanced up.

"Sorry Carly, we just didn't want to get your hopes up or anything. I mean, who'd have guessed we'd make it this far? We don't really know if it will last or anything. Obviously, we hope it will, but who knows what's going to happen."

"It was the coward's way of doing things", I put in, "and we're sorry. If we could go back and do things different, I'm sure we would."

Carly sighed. "I thought we promised we weren't going to keep secrets from each other. I thought we were _best friends_."

"I really am sorry, Carls."

She sighed again, "I know. I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wish you would've been honest."

"I know", murmured the brown-eyed boy at my side.

"Believe me, we're wishing the same thing."

Carly looked at our faces and apparently decided we'd suffered enough.

"Well, I figured something was up when you called me from the police station. And actually, the police told me why you two had been arrested, so I knew you were liars. I just wasn't sure why."

"So have you been stalking us or something?" Freddie asked.

Carly and I laughed.

"No", she answered plainly.

"I actually came here by mistake. I have a date at this restaurant and I read the map wrong."

Freddie and I smiled.

"So do you guys know where Pini's is?"

I looked at Freddie and we started laughing.

"What? What did I say?"

"We had our first date at Pini's", Freddie explained.

"Oh. I see. Can you show me how to get there?"

Freddie and I made eye contact. We felt guilty about not telling Carly, and he knew I hated when she was mad at me.

"I'll take you", I offered.

"Thanks!" she frowned, "but aren't you on a date?"

"It can be rescheduled", Freddie said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you guys don't have to do that. I'll be fine."

"Seriously, Carls. I insist. You and I both know you can't read a map worth chiz."

"I should be headed home anyway", Freddie admitted, "my mom is off work today and is probably about to scream at Spencer for kidnapping me."

Carly laughed. "Okay then, see you tomorrow."

Freddie smiled at us and started off toward home. After a few steps, he stopped, turning to look at me. He seemed to be caught in some inner battle. Finally, it seemed he's made his decision.

He sauntered over and kissed me briefly on the lips.

"Bye, guys."

He headed home, and I was left blushing madly.

Carly smirked at my red face and grabbed my arm.

"Come on, Miss Scarlet. Brad's a-waitin'."

"Brad?" I asked, amazed. "When did he finally get up the balls to ask you out?"

Carly frowned, "I told you about this date three days ago. You really don't remember?"

I dropped my head in embarrassment. "My thoughts were a little preoccupied."

Carly rolled her eyes.

"Actually, I asked Brad out. I got tired of waiting for him to say something, so I did it myself."

I chuckled, "Way to go!"

We stopped outside the restaurant.

"Maybe we can double sometime. Brad IS part of iCarly, and he's good friends with Freddie."

I frowned, "Carly, you can't tell Brad. You can't tell anyone."

"Why not?"

"Well…" I shifted my weight a few times, "We're keeping our relationship secret. That's part of the reason we didn't tell you- I know not telling anyone will be hard for you. It's just better for both of us if this stays underground."

"Whatever. But this won't stay a secret forever. It'll get out eventually."

She walked inside and greeted Brad with a hug.

"You're right, Carls. It will."

I scowled. There was only one thing worse than keeping a secret. That's when someone finds out about your secret. Usually, people don't really say anything TO you. They just gossip ABOUT you. I can't stand the whispers in the dark. Of course, I could beat people to a pulp and get them to stop, but that can't last forever. Eventually, the secret would come out.

I closed my eyes and imagined Freddie. Those damn beautiful brown eyes.

Yes, the secret would come out. But not before I was ready. Not before WE were ready. I'd kept a lot of secrets in my day, and I wasn't about to let the most important of them slip.

I'd have to expose us on purpose.

…

**Whaddya think? I ship Barly, so there might be more of that in here. **

**Is Carly really happy for Sam and Freddie?**

**What is Sam planning?**

**And the most important question of them all: **

**WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BUG THAT WAS ON FREDDIE'S SHOE?**

**:)**

**Por favor, REVIEW!**


	16. Pink

**OMG! I'm so excited and nervous… My 16****th**** birthday is TOMORROW! I have to take my driver's test and I'm terrified that I'll fail. Wish me luck?**

…

A Wandering Day through Many Places

…

_**Monday**_

…

Carly's date with Brad went well. Actually, "well" is an understatement. Carly gushed about how perfect her new boy toy was for like three hours. I started to go certifiably insane. I had to get out of there before my brain exploded and flew out my ears.

I picked up my phone and studied it like someone had sdent me a text.

After a brief moment, Carly realized I wasn't listening to her any more.

"What's up?"

I shrugged nonchalantly.

"Nothing much. I got a text from Tara. She-"

"Tara, the girl who got you and Freddie in jail? That Tara?"

"What other Tara do we know?"

Carly made a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan.

"What does that… that SKUNKSACK want?"

"It's skunkbag, actually, but thanks for the effort, Carls. She found something of Freddie's at the smash house, and wants to return it."

"What'd she find?"

"How should I know?"

Carly frowned, "She didn't say?"

"Duh."

"Please tell me you aren't going."

"Carly, calm yourself. We're meeting at the Groovy Smoothie. It's a public place."

She pursed her lips like she wanted to say something, but remained silent. She guestured to the door.

"Thanks, Carls."

I jogged out the door.

"Just don't do anything stupid."

…

I went home and crashed on our worn out couch. I dug around in between the cushions until I found the remote. After a quick glance around, I decided to watch Dirty Dancing. My mom had an old copy of it, and I hate to admit it, but it was one of my favorites.

I slid the tape in and started it up. I had to rewind it, because whoever'd watched it last forgot.

I heard the familiar "clunk" signifying that it was done. I grinned and started the movie.

Not even five minutes in, the doorbell rang. I groaned loudly and paused the scene.

"I'm COMING!"

I yanked open the door.

There was nobody there.

I glimpsed a small piece of paper stuck under the mat.

I picked it up nervously. Sometimes the mortgage people left stuff like this.

_**Sam, **_

_**Sorry about our non-anniversary. Hope I can make it up to you.**_

_**-Freddie**_

I raised an eyebrow. Way to go, Freddo. A note. With two sentences. I stood up and slammed the door shut. Wasn't Freddie supposed to be the smart one?

I opened the door again and looked down. I'd missed it before, but there was a pink envelope peeking out from under the mat as well.

I picked it up and opened it. Inside was an expired coupon from the Groovy Smoothie. On it, Freddie has written-

_**Feel like having one of T-Bo's best?**_

"Hmm."

I shoved the card and its contents into my jeans pocket and started off toward the Groovy Smoothie.

…

I walked out with a free "Sam Special". It was a new kind of smoothie that was apparently rare. So rare, in fact, that there was only one. It tasted like strawberries and watermelon and fatcakes and a million other wonderful things that happened to be pink. The cup was pink, too. T-Bo took one look at me and handed it over, along with another pink card. He also asked if I wanted broccoli on a stick. I said no.

This card contained a page from a catalog.

_**Did you know that Candy's is run by one of Socko's cousins?**_

I rolled my eyes. Socko and his many cousins.

Candy's was a small sweet shop across the street. I darted into traffic, between cars, and into the store. It was smaller than I remembered.

"Are you Sam?" asked a woman putting some things on a shelf.

"Yup."

"Oh, good. This is for you."

She handed me a box wrapped in plain pink paper. I thanked her and stepped outside to tear the paper off. I dropped the paper in amazement.

"No way."

It was a special edition pack of Fatcakes. There were a ton of flavors they stopped making ages ago- raisin, pizza, almond, and even a bacon flavored one.

"I swear to God, I will marry that nub."

When I opened the box, there was a slip of pink paper inside. There was a fire safety sticker on it and it said, in Freddie's clean handwriting-

_**Do you remember our first kiss?**_

I grinned. How could I forget?

…

I climbed up the fire escape ladder just under the spot. It would be faster than going the original way.

Eight pink balloons were tied to the railing. One of them had a down arrow scrawled on it in Sharpie. Sure enough, a pink envelope was taped to the tail of that particular balloon.

_**Ever wonder what Ridgeway looks like at night?**_

There was a key inside.

…

I tried the key on the locked door, but it wouldn't budge.

"Happy Anniversary, Sam."

I whirled around. Freddie stood there in a suit. With a pink tie.

"Oh my God! You're the greatest!"

I ran over and wrapped my arms around his muscled body.

He smiled at me as I pulled away.

"I'm sorry our original anniversary wasn't very good."

I shrugged, "No biggie."

I frowned at the key in my hand. "This key is jank. It doesn't work."

Freddie laughed. "It's not the real key. It's the key to my apartment, actually. I couldn't get the school's key. Plus, I don't think either of us wants to get arrested again."

I smiled.

"No, not really."

He took me behind the bleachers. There was a table set up with a pale pink table cloth and some pink and purple flowers on it.

I touched them gingerly.

"They're beautiful."

"They're called 'blue eyes', but now I can see they aren't even half as beautiful."

I blushed and sat in the chair he offered up.

We ate an amazing dinner. He'd made ham, mashed potatoes, dark gravy, spaghetti, French bread, and a lot of other amazing food. I hadn't known he was such a fantastic cook.

After dinner, he took out his pearpod and put one earbud in my ear and one in his. We slow danced to a few songs like that.

Finally, just as it seemed the night was over, Freddie pulled out another pink package. It was a small boz this time. Jewelry? More candy? I had no idea.

"What's with all the pink, Benson? Please don't tell me you realized you're gay."

He laughed, blushing. "No, I just thought it would be neat. I know you hate pink. So do I. It's unexpected, like our relationship."

I grinned, "You're so cheesy."

"I know."

I pulled the paper off the box and took the top off. There was a pink shoestring inside.

I looked at Freddie, confused.

"I don't get it."

He took my hand.

"Frothy and I think it's time for you to get a new feline sidekick."

…

**Thoughts?**

**REVIEW!**

**Oh, and you'll find out what happened to the bug on Freddie's shoes next Sunday. Stay tuned.**


	17. Qualifications

**My birthday was awesome, BTW. Two of my best friends ambushed me at home after decking out my car in our school colors. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 10, so it was really fun. They spent the night too, and I think we all fell asleep during school on Tuesday. Thanks to all of you who reviewed or wished me a Happy Birthday (or both), it was great to read all of them. **

**P.S. I passed my driver's test-:D but not until the second time. The first guy was one of those people that flunks everyone just because he can- GRRR.**

…

An Evaluation Day at the Humane Society

…

_**Tuesday**_

…

I smiled at Freddie nervously as we walked towards the dirty building.

"You'll find a good one," he promised.

"Yea, I guess."

We reached the doors to Seattle's Humane Society and I stopped. I turned to Freddie.

"What if Frothy gets jealous? Maybe this is a bad idea."

Freddie smiled reassuringly, "I'm sure he understands. Although he might wish he got to meet your new companion, so he could teach it the Puckett ways."

I laughed and followed him inside the swinging doors. The portly woman at the register regarded us wearily. She pointed to the clipboard next to her.

"Sign in here. Dogs are to the left, cats are to the right. Everything else is in the middle. Adoption fee is sixty bucks. Sign out before you leave."

I scribbled my name and the time on the list after Freddie, and we turned down the right hallway.

"What do you suppose is 'everything else'?"

He grinned playfully.

"Dragons."

I rolled my eyes.

We came up on the first block of cages. I poked my fingers through one and almost got them bitten off.

"Geez!" I glanced at the nametag, "I don't think Snickers likes me."

Freddie chuckled.

"Who DOES like you?"

I rolled my eyes and punched him in the shoulder.

"You do, Frednub."

He rubbed his shoulder and muttered, "One would wonder why."

I scowled. "Let's keep going."

We wandered through the hall. Some cats were in their own cage, others in a room with other cats.

None of them came close to Frothy's level of Puckettness.

Finally, there was just one room and set of cages left.

Freddie opened the door just enough to squeeze in and I followed.

Inside was a bored-looking assortment of cats. They glanced our way and continued eating, sleeping, grooming themselves, or whatever else they were doing.

I frowned at the orange tabby by my foot, half-heartedly batting at a jingly ball.

"Definitely not."

I headed out the door and toward the set of cages.

I peered through the bars at a huge black one that glared at me. Freddie soon joined me.

"You know, you have a straggler."

"Huh?"

He gestured down, and I noticed a puny white cat attacking my shoelaces.

I knelt down next to it.

"Where in the world did you come from?"

It hissed at me.

"I think it was in one of the cat rooms", Freddie offered.

"Hmm."

I scooped up the little thing. It immediately began chewing my fingers but I ignored that.

"Have you been following us this whole time?"

The tiny kitten glanced up at me with huge green eyes and attacked my hair.

I grinned.

"This is my cat."

"Are you sure?"

I glanced at Freddie.

"Absolutely."

We carried the white ball of feisty fur to the front desk and Freddie paid the woman. She told us the kitten had only just come in and didn't have a name. And it was a girl.

The three of us headed out to the car and I made Freddie drive me home. I could show Carly my new friend later.

Freddie pulled up into my driveway and went inside with me, after making sure my mom wasn't there.

"What's her name?"

"I don't know."

I stared at the kitten hard.

"I hereby name you Rabia."

She wiggled her short, stumpy tail a little.

"Rabia?"

I shrugged.

"Well okay then."

I pulled the pink shoestring Freddie had given me the night before from my pocket and tied it loosely around Rabia's neck. As soon as I set her down, she started swatting at the ends that dragged on the ground. She raced around the house like that and knocked into a stack of CDs.

Freddie and I laughed and he pulled her out of the pile.

Rabia growled at him and leapt from his grasp to continue exploring.

I giggled, "A woman after my own heart. She's definitely trustworthy if she hates you."

"But you don't hate me anymore."

I shrugged, "I came around."

…

**Kind of a filler chapter, I know. The best is yet to come. **

**PLEASE PLEASE PLLLLEEEEAAAASEEEE REVIEW! **

**Think of it as a belated birthday gift :)**


	18. Reality

**I apologize to all my readers. I neglected to add a crucial piece of information that I promised would be in the last chapter. I feel rather guilty that I didn't add it, but I'll add it in now. I know you are all dying, wondering what happened to that bug that was on Freddie's shoe. So here it is.**

…

A Doing Nothing Day at Home

…

_**Thursday**_

…

I watched little Rabia running around my room with a smile. I'd been forced to take the shoestring off after she accidently hung herself with it. She was incredibly stupid, and that made me think of Frothy. He'd been impulsive, but not stupid. I missed him a lot, which was odd, considering he was a cat, but he was kind of like the only family I had. My dad was history, Mel and I didn't get along, and my mom was usually hooking up with random guys, drunk, or buying another bikini that was 2 sizes too small.

Carly and Spencer had become my family, too. Carly was a sister to me, and Spencer was almost like the dad that I never had. And then there was Freddie. Freddie, who'd been my constant target. Freddie, who hated me as much as I hated him. Freddie, who I'd shared my first kiss with. Freddie, who was rapidly becoming the most important person in my life.

After Rabia, of course.

I glanced down to see her toying with a funny looking bug I could swear I'd seen before. Finally, she caught it and proceded to slurp it up like the piece of hot dog I'd given her a few hours ago.

"Gross! Why would you eat a bug?"

Rabia stared at me with those enormous green eyes.

"Right. You're a cat- you lick your own butt."

She trotted off down the hall, and I remembered the Disney movie I watched with Mel when we were kids. The one about cats, where they all sing and the butler wants to kill them. There was a little white kitten in that movie that looked a little like Rabia, but I doubted that I could ever teach my kitty to play the piano.

I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. It was playing our song- "Sway".

I jogged over and answered it just in time.

"Yo, this is the World of Warcraft technical support office. How may I help you?"

"Sam, I know it's you."

"My name is Rachel, not Sal. How can I help you?"

"Seriously, Sam. Knock it off."

"I told you, my name is Rachel. Do you need help or not? I have sixteen other callers on hold."

"Sam, I need to talk to you."

"You know what, Freddie, you used to be gullible. How can I be of service?"

"Well, my World of Warcraft account froze so…"

"Wow, did you see that ROFLcopter? Seriously, Freddie, what do you want?"

"I wish I could look at you when I say this, but maybe this will make it easier."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going."

"I can't do this anymore."

My heart thunked on the linoleum floor. "Shit. I knew it."

"It's just… this isn't working. I feel like-"

"Stop, Freddie. I get it. We're broken up, are you happy?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Broken up? Why would you want to break up?"

I let the question hang, not really knowing how to answer.

"Wait, I get it. No, I still lo- really like you. I just think we need to stop pretending."

I heard him sigh.

"I'm tired of being your dirty little secret, Sam. I can't keep this up without going insane."

"I know. I'm really sorry, Freddie. Just give me a little time, okay?"

He hung up.

I set my new pearphone on the table carefully, and then headed to the couch.

I sat down hard and stared at the blank TV screen, determined not to cry.

Finally, I went back to the table and called Carly.

"Hello?"

"Carly, I need your help."

…

**So, I've finally figured out where this story is going (for now) and how it's getting there. The next few chapters are gonna be really fun. And I'll make you all a deal- ****anytime I get 10+ reviews, I'll post an extra chapter on Wednesday. **

**So, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**Shoutout to Mr. Bugman, who successfully managed to yank a laugh out of my depressed existence. Seriously, his comment may be my favorite out of all the ones I've gotten, just because it cast a little sunlight on a day that was cloudier than usual.**

**Oh, AND I'm really excited because I'm 1 away from 100 reviews! I will PM you a fun little hint about what's to come to my 100****th**** reviewer, and give them a shoutout next chapter. If you don't have an account, I can't PM you- sorry!**


	19. Spirit

**Hey guys! I thought I'd tell you about something interesting that happened on Friday, because I read somewhere that bad events have purpose if you tell them in a story. Frankly, I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone I know and see on a constant basis, so I'll tell you.**

**On Friday, I got in a car accident. My mom had been yelling at me, so I was mad. Usually, I deal with this by playing loud "angry music", so that's what I did as I was driving to school. At a stoplight when the light turned green, I turned left. There was a car across the way, but I thought it had stopped to let me turn. I was wrong. By the time I realized that they were going for it, it was too late. I did my best to get out of the way, and I think I might have saved the passenger's life. In the end, they clipped my left backside, knocking the bumper into the road. Their car got a small dent and the front taillight broke, but no one was hurt. I pulled off to the side of the road, horrified. I was so scared and angry, because in my heart I KNEW it was my fault- I should've been paying better attention. I pulled into the Walgreen's parking lot and called my dad, crying. The other driver was kind of pissed, though his car was okay. I think he was probably in a hurry and needed to leave. His passenger was really nice and tried to make me feel better, but she couldn't do much. Meanwhile, some good citizen pulled my bumper off the road so that cars could keep going without hitting in. I wanted to cry out a thank you to him so badly. My dad showed up with a policeman, who sorted everything out. I got a $170 fine for "disregarding the right-of-way" or something like that, but that's it. Screech- my white Mazda- will be fine as soon as we replace the taillight and put the bumper back on (which my dad got from the side of the road and brought home). My mom even showed up, and she let me stay home from school. Nobody- except you and I- knows the real reason for the accident. Still, I can't help but be mad at the other driver. I tried to speed out of the way, but he didn't try to stop. If he'd tried to stop, it might not have happened. Either way, I guess I've learned my lesson. The scariest part was driving home (in my mom's van) because I couldn't shake the mentality that I was dangerous, and that I'd hurt someone. It's like starting back at square 1.**

…

An Expensive Day in Room 223

…

_**Thursday **__(a week later)_

…

"Come on, Sam. You're going to have to get in line at some point."

I shot Carly an irritated scowl. School was over and I wanted to get the heck outta there, not wait in line for another hour.

"I'll do it on Friday, okay? The lines will be down by then because everyone will have bought their tickets already."

"No, there will be MORE people on Friday- which, by the way, is tomorrow- because high schoolers have the brain of a goldfish."

"Don't goldfish have a three-second memory?"

"Exactly my point. Now GO."

I groaned, but I knew she was right.

"Fine. See ya later, Carls!"

She waved and I made my way to Room 223 to get tickets to Prom.

…

"That'll be $46 dollars."

"You've gotta be kidding me. Forty-six bucks to go to a high school dance that's probably gonna be lame anyway? Not gonna happen."

The cheerleader grinned in an irritatingly sweet way.

"Okay then", she announced brightly. "Next!"

"Wait!" I shouted. I blushed at the confused expressions of onlookers. "Wait", I murmured. "I DO want to buy tickets. Just… just give me a second."

I dug around in my purse for some money. I came up short, but hoped Peppy wouldn't notice. After all, she was a blonde cheerleader, and there's no better combination for stupidity.

"I'm sorry, you're about $3.86 short."

"Damn. Can't you just, I don't know, put it on my tab?"

"I really shouldn't do that, but okay."

She handed me two cardstock rectangles with a crudely stamped mask and the words "Ridgeway Prom 2013" printed neatly across it.

"So who's the lucky guy?"

I glared at the girl.

"Your mother."

I turned on my heel, tickets in hand, and walked out.

Sometimes I wish cheerleaders would get bombed out of existence.

Suddenly, I heard blaring saxophone music coming from my pocket and grinned.

Freddie.

He'd apologized for hanging up on me the day after it happened, and even though I knew he was still a little frustrated, I loved that he was so willing to wait. He hadn't forgiven me completely, but I knew it would come. We had a date, and I was excited for the chance to hang out with him.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and tapped the "answer" key.

"Hey, Freddiccini! 'Sup?"

"Not much, Samantha."

"Call me 'Samantha' again and I'll dump your nubby little butt. And I'll break your arm."

"Ouch. Point taken."

"So whaddya want?"

"Are you telling me a guy can't just call his girlfriend on a whim? Just to talk?"

I grinned at the word "girlfriend". Not a word I thought would go well with my character, but it seemed to suit me just fine.

"Not if I just saw him an hour ago. Not if he only lives fifteen minutes away."

"Touché."

I waited for him to continue. He didn't, so I asked, "What was it you wanted again?"

"Oh, right."

I rolled my eyes.

"So it turns out I have a huge test tomorrow and I've got to study. Can I take a rain check on our date?"

My heart sagged a little, but I knew grades were important to Freddie.

"Yea, that's fine."

"Thanks. I'm really sorry, Sam."

"It's okay. See you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow."

…

**Whaddya think? **

**Does Freddie really have to study?**

**Is Sam really taking Freddie to prom?**

**Please, for the love of Seddie, REVIEW!**

**AND **

**What is Ridgeway's prom theme? I dropped a hint here- see if you can find it! If you get it right, I'll give you a shoutout in the next chapter.**

**Speaking of shoutouts, thanks to BraniacWeirdos foe being my 100****th**** reviewer! It is crazy to me how many people care about this story. You guys motivate me. I want to make this story perfect for you guys. Hopefully, you'll be happy with everything that happens.**

**Tell me, what do you think of the story so far?**

**Where do you think this story should end? **

**Should I make a sequal?**

**REMINDER: If I get 10 reviews or more, I'll post an extra chapter on Wednesday.**

**~Jj**


	20. Trouble

**FAIR WARNING: The next two chapters are intense. REAL intense. **

**Oh yeah, and congrats to LillVic101, who guessed the prom theme right!**

**(The stamp on the tickets Sam bought was a ****mask****- masquerade)**

**AND Happy Easter! Try to remember that it's not only about rabbits and chocolate eggs, okay?**

…

A Heartbreaking Day at Prom

…

_**Saturday**_

…

"Are you SURE he'll agree to this?"

Carly rolled her eyes.

"Please. He was practically eating out of the palm of my hand until six months ago. Besides, Freddie's a gentleman. He wouldn't deny the needs of a damsel in distress."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Going to the prom without a date makes you a damsel in distress?"

Carly shrugged.

I sighed and handed her the ticket. The plan was that Carly would get Freddie to go to prom as her escort because Brad was "sick". In actuality, I gave Carly permission to tell Brad, and he was waiting there for Carly. I'd be there for Freddie, and we could finally end the secret stage. I knew how much he hated it, and I'd begun to understand what that felt like. Plus, Freddie bailed on our date again, so I knew he was really mad. It was time to stop hiding.

To hell with reputation.

…

I hurriedly hooked in an earring, knocking the other one into the sink in the process.

"Shit", I mumbled.

I wished Carly was there to help me. I'd never been good at the girly stuff- jewelry, makeup, hair, and whatnot. Sadly, she was at home, getting ready alone. I couldn't dress up there; it'd be an obvious sign that something was up. Instead, I was forced to borrow some of Carly's beauty supplies to puzzle out on my own.

I snatched the thing up before it got sucked down the drain and put it in.

"Makeup time."

I managed to identify the used of most of what Carly had given me. Foundation. Powder. Mascara. Lipstick. Blush.

I picked up an odd looking contraption, along with something resembling a pencil.

"What the hell are these supposed to do?" I wondered aloud.

The contraption, I suddenly recalled, was an eyelash curler. I remembered it only because I'd once told Carly that it looked like a torture device and had refused to let her use it on me.

I glanced in the mirror and decided my eyelashes looked just fine.

I tossed both things towards Carly/s bag. I was running late and decided not to bother checking to see if they'd made it.

I dashed to my closet, yanking out the dress and heels Carly had helped me pick out.

After pulling them on, I took a moment to asses myself.

My hair was pinned halfway up, with thick curls falling down my back. The makeup I'd applied to my eyes might be described as "smoky" and it made my blue eyes pop, though they were partially hidden behind a feathery white mask. The dress was a one shoulder striped thing. The skirt was a deep blue that fell in folds to my knees, and the top was streaked turquoise and silver. The heels were far too high and just the thought of dancing in them made my feet hurt.

I returned to my closet and managed to find a pair of white converse that would work, though I doubted Carly would approve.

Jogging outside, I snatched my purse and my mother's car keys. I was not usually allowed to drive it, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and I'd already missed the bus.

At first, the old station wagon didn't even start. Frantically twisting the keys, the engine managed to catch, and I was off.

A few minutes down the road, my phone started to ring. I glanced towards my purse and decided to chance it. I rifled through the seemingly endless array of stuff, all the while keeping my eyes glued to the road. I found it and placed it on my lap, whacking the spot where I hoped the speakerphone option was.

"Hello?"

"Hey. It's Max."

I jerked the car and swerved to the side of the road.

"Why are you calling me? We haven't talked since… not since the talent show."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I was a real ass to you. And to Freddie. He's okay, right?"

"Umm… yeah."

"Good. Listen, I know you guys are just friends. I realize that."

I cringed.

"I was just so blindsighted by everything that happened. I-"

"Why are you calling me, Max?"

There was a moment of silence before Max's heartbreakingly honest reply came back.

"I want you. I want you back, Sam. I know I don't deserve it, but I can't stop thinking about you. What happened, it wasn't your fault. You got caught up in the moment, that's all. I forgave you a long time ago. All I want is you."

"I-", I choked. "Why now?"

"Because I was a coward. I didn't want to admit I was wrong. I didn't want to see how stupid I was. I'm so sorry, Sam. Can you ever forgive me? Is there hope for us?"

I swallowed stiffly.

"Now is a really bad time, Max."

"I understand."

"Max, you're wrong. You are still too good for me."

…

I pulled into a parking slot way too far away. All the ones at Ridgeway were full, so I had to park across the street and hike there.

I jumped out of the car, dashing toward the building.

A long blaring horn startled me into reality.

I jumped out of the way of a moving truck just in time. I was so absorbed in my worry about meeting Freddie that I kind of lost my head. Fortunately for me, that ended up being just a figurative statement rather that a literal one.

I took a deep breath and headed towards the gym- slowly this time. No sense wasting the hour it took to tame my wild hair.

Halfway there, I heard a thump and whirled around. Living in a neighborhood like mine keeps you on your toes.

The sound came from a pristine Honda Accord to the right. A couple was making out heavily in the backseat. I rolled my eyes in disgust. Really, nobody has any class do they?

But as I passed the car, I couldn't shake the urge to peer inside to see who it was. And possibly, to bang on the window and tell them to cut it out.

I turned and inclined my head to try and see.

It was Freddie.

I gasped in astonishment. No, no it couldn't be.

I looked in again. Sure enough, it was MY Freddie. I vaguely recognized the girl as part of the soccer team. She was pretty, and I hated her.

I ran back to my car, trembling with rage and hurt.

How could he do this to me?

I pulled my phone from my purse, hands shaking, ready to call him out.

But his was not the number that I pressed.

He was not the one I needed.

"Hey, it's Max."

"Hi, Max. This is Sam. I need to talk to you."

…

**I'm SO excited for the next chapter, aren't you?**

**My new policy is that I'll post a new chapter on Wednesday is I get 10 reviews. Because it's a holiday, I'm lowering that number. **

**If I get 5 reviews, I'll post an extra chapter on Wednesday.**

**If I get 10 reviews, I'll post an extra chapter on Wednesday AND another extra one next Sunday.**

**So please REVIEW!**


	21. Undone

**Hey guys! Well, I got 5 reviews, so here is chapter 21…**

…

A Disgusting Day at Hillview

…

_**Sunday**_

…

I stretched, not really wanting to get up. Rolling over, I opened my eyes just enough to see the red numbers of my clock.

But there wasn't a clock there.

I opened my eyes wider, hoping I was only facing the wrong side.

Nope. This was not my room.

I bolted upright, gaze darting across the room.

"Where the hell am I?" I whispered.

A loose piece of paper on the dresser caught my attention.

But as I stood up to retrieve it, I uncovered another problem.

I was completely and totally, 100% nude. As in, no clothing. Nothing, nada, zilch. Naked.

I pulled the sheet from the bed, clutching around me tightly.

The paper ended up being a note. I prayed that it was from housekeeping or something, but no such luck.

_Hey Sam, _

_Sorry I had to leave you so early. I had to go to work, but there are clean clothes in the bathroom. Thanks for the time last night. It was amazing, and I wish I could have talked to you before I left. Are you up for a date tomorrow night? Pini's, maybe?_

_-Max_

Max?

Oh God. Max.

A slow churning began in my stomach as I remembered what happened that night.

I raced for the bathroom, throwing up all the contents of my stomach.

Oh, God, what have I done?

I leaned against the cool bathtub, bile lingering in my mouth.

Max picked me up, and I told him that I decided I wanted to give him a chance. He offered to buy a prom ticket and go in with me, but I told him prom was lame and I only went for Carly anyway. A lie.

We went to a bar.

He didn't want to, but I begged him. We both had fake IDs, so they let us in. Max had hardly any alcohol. Me… I got drunk. I got really drunk. So drunk, the events of the night were still fuzzy when I tried to remember.

I remembered dancing on a piano.

I remembered dancing with Max.

I remembered the look in his eyes. He was so disappointed in me.

I remembered stumbling home.

I remembered Max resisting.

I remembered the words, "I can't take advantage of you."

I remembered saying, "You aren't."

And I remembered ripping off clothes and the terrible, awful thing I did with Max.

I stood up and yanked on clothes. Max left me some sweats and a t-shirt, as well as my prom outfit. I stuffed everything into my purse and threw up again.

After rinsing out my mouth, I dug through my purse until I found my phone.

I fumbled with the keys a little, but managed to hit the right ones.

"Sam? Where were you last night?"

"Carly, I did a bad thing."

"Oh, no."

"Last night, Max called me on the way to prom, asking for a second chance. I told him no, but I was late. I… saw Freddie. In somebody's car… making out with another girl."

"Oh, Sam."

"I was so mad, Carly. I… I called Max."

Carly muttered something I couldn't understand. Possibly German for '_you stupid girl!_'.

"We went to a bar and I got really drunk. We… we did… we…" I took a deep breath, "Max and I had sex last night."

"Well, fuck."

I was stunned. Carly does not cuss. She is a lady, and therefore refuses to cuss. Never had I heard her omit a single curse word.

Until now.

"Sam, you should've called me. You… maybe there's some explanation we don't know about. Maybe it wasn't even Freddie!"

I shuddered, remembering the scene I'd stumbled across that night.

"No, Carly. It was him. I'd bet everything I own on it. Unless… maybe he has an identical twin?"

"Oh, Sam. You know he doesn't."

"Yeah."

We were both quiet for a while.

"What am I supposed to do now?"

"You have to talk to Freddie."

"NO."

"Yes. I will pick you up and take you home so you can shower or whatever, but you have to talk to him. Today. In person."

"I… I don't know if I can."

"You must. Now where are you?"

"Umm… I don't know."

"Good grief."

I wandered around a little until I found the hotel brochure.

"I'm at Hillview. On Lexington. Room…" I pulled the door open to see the numbers, "Room 212."

"Okay. I'll be there in 10, okay?"

"Okay."

…

I lay at home. On my bed, this time.

Clean body, filthy soul.

The guilt was eating me alive. Carly, it seemed, was right. I had to talk to Freddie before I did something worse.

_Can we talk?_

I stared at my phone, waiting for a reply.

_Sure. Where?_

_The park_, I sent back.

_Okay._

I threw on some shorts and a sweatshirt and grabbed my wallet, headed for Seattle's craziest park.

_Is something wrong?_

I wasn't really sure how to answer that, so I left the question open-ended.

…

I briefly considered not even going to the park. But I knew it was necessary. I had to go.

I was about 5 minutes early. Five minutes of extra, nauseating terror and anticipation was NOT what I needed. My hangover had surfaced about an hour before I texted Freddie, but coffee and aspirin didn't make me feel much better.

"Sam?"

Oh, God.

"Hey, Freddie."

I couldn't meet his gaze. I knew that the moment I looked into those damn brown eyes, I would start crying. If I started crying, Freddie would try to comfort me, and then I'd feel even worse.

"What's wrong, Sam?"

"I… I saw you, Freddie. Last night. With that girl."

"I don't know…" there was a moment of hesitation, "I didn't know you were coming."

"I was going to surprise you. It was going to be perfect. We were…" tears threatened to break and I pushed through so they wouldn't fall before I finished.

"We were going to stop hiding. It was going to be our", I managed a small smile, "coming out."

"Sam, I'm so sorry."

We were silent for a while. He tried to get me to look at him, but I still couldn't. Not yet.

He sighed, "Sam, I don't know what to say. It started the night I called you. I was just getting tired of the hiding. I thought after a month, we'd either be broken up or stop pretending that this was some kind of terrible secret. I was hurt because I thought you were ashamed of me. When you still didn't want to fix it, I went for a walk. I ended up running into a girl from school. We hung out for a few hours and I… I kissed her at the end of the night. It wasn't my intention; I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do. The next day, she came up to me during math class and asked me out. I thought, _'now here's a girl who's not ashamed to be with me'_. I went. At the end of the night, I felt like shit. But I went out with her a few nights later too. After every date, every kiss, I wanted to strangle my inner pride, but I couldn't silence that part of myself. It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I should've had the self-control to stop it from happening. I had even made up my mind to end it with her before prom, but I didn't have time to call her. At the dance, I ended up alone again, and I was just hit with this sense of _longing_. I wanted someone to care about me so much she didn't care if other people knew."

He paused for a moment.

"I am SO sorry, Sam. I can never forgive myself for doing this to you. To us." He choked for a moment, and I glanced up.

His eyes were shut tight, silent tears streaming down. I dropped my gaze.

"I swear to you that I never did anything more than what you saw that night. Nothing I told myself could excuse that. You are so special to me, Sam. I hope on day, we can be friends again."

My throat tightened up, preventing any words from touching my lips. Finally, I swallowed the lump in my throat and spoke.

"I didn't come here to yell at you, Freddie. I didn't even come here to break up with you. I wanted to talk to you. Now you've talked, so it's my turn."

I took a deep breath and told myself to keep staring at the ground. I had to get through this.

"Last night, after I saw you… I was really mad. I was so mad at you I wanted to scream. I called Max."

"Your ex? The guy that gave me a black eye?"

"I gave you that black eye. But, yeah. He called me before the dance. That's why I was late. He wanted a second chance. I told him no, but after I saw you…"

"Oh, Sam", he breathed.

"He picked me up. I made him take me to a bar. I got so drunk I couldn't tell my left hand from my right. What I did was so much worse than what you did, Freddie. He didn't want to take advantage of me, but I was so mad at you, I couldn't think of anything else. I…" I sucked in a breath, mustering the courage to say what I needed to say.

"I slept with Max last night. I am so sorry, Freddie. That's… that's what I came here to say."

Only then did I allow myself to look into Freddie's perfect brown eyes.

The look in them was enough to make all the breath squeeze out of me.

He was horrified. Worse than that, I'd hurt him. I'd hurt the man I loved.

My eyes filled with tears that refused to go away. They poured down my face in an endless waterfall.

I'd hurt the man I loved and there was nothing I could do to fix it.

…

**Ta-da!**

**In a terribly twisted way, I am rather pleased with myself about how this chapter turned out.**

**Who do you hate most right now? Sam? Freddie? Max? The soccer girl? ME?**

**I am particularly pissed at Sam and Freddie.**

**Next chapter on Sunday!**

**REVIEW!**


	22. Verdict

A Breakup Day in the Park

…

_**Sunday**_

…

As the tears streamed down my face, Freddie was frozen. He just sat there, staring. It seemed he was unable to process the sight before him.

Suddenly, it seemed something in him had brought him back to life.

"Oh, God. This is all my fault."

He pulled me closer and held me tight against him. I made a weak attempt to free myself, but couldn't muster the energy. We cried together, me leaning into his shoulder, him resting his head on mine.

Minutes, maybe hours passed before either of us was ready to stop.

Eventually, Freddie picked his head up and hugged me, nearly squeezing the life out of me.

"Sam, I'm sorry. This is so messed up. We are so messed up."

He waited to see if I'd respond, but since I didn't, he went on.

"I think this sucks. But I'm sure if we can make it past this, I we'll be better off. We'll be stronger."

I moved my head up to look at him and smiled grimly.

"What doesn't kill you…"

He grinned. But the grin vanished almost as soon as it had appeared.

"Are we okay?" I asked quietly.

"I hope so."

We sat there in silence for a while. He stared up at the sky. The sun was just beginning to set, but it was still light out. I studied the shape of his eyes, the troubled line of his mouth.

"Sam, I am so sorry. This is my fault. You never would have… we wouldn't be here if I would've been more patient. More understanding. And I completely forgive you. I pushed you into that, and I wish I could fix that. Do you think… can you ever forgive me?"

"I already have."

A tear escaped Freddie's eye and he pulled me towards him. Our lips connected, and it was perfect.

But perfect things never last forever.

I pulled away suddenly, as flashes of my night with Max began replaying in my head. I scrunched my eyes closed, trying to rid myself of the memories.

"Sam? Is everything okay?"

I shook the thoughts of Max away and gazed into Freddie's worried brown eyes.

"I was just thinking. I wish you could've been my first. I wish…"

"I know. But it's okay, everyone makes mistakes. Besides…" he blushed.

"Someone will have to know what to do."

My cheeks flared up, but I smiled.

Just then, my phone started buzzing. I groaned and checked caller ID.

Max.

"Oh, shit."

"What's wrong?"

I let it go to voicemail.

"Max is trying to call me. What am I supposed to tell him?"

Freddie thought for a minute.

"I think you should tell him the truth."

"I don't know about that. The truth is kind of… extreme."

"But he was there to see our start. Well, sort of. I think Max is a good man, and you shouldn't keep him in the dark. As long as he knows that it was not intentional and that you are sorry."

"I guess…"

"Tell you what, I'll call Charlotte."

"The soccer girl? Please don't tell her everything!"

"Because…?"

"Because she doesn't know anything. She won't understand. She'll judge us both and tell the entire school what happened, but make us both sound insane. Please just.. I don't know; break up with her."

"Okay. Whatever you think is best."

"Good."

He pulled out his phone and started searching through contacts until he found the right one.

As it was dialing, I looked at him curiously.

"What took you so long? You never learned her number?"

He smiled guiltily, but there was a twinkle in his eye.

"I never learned her last name."

"Seriously? You don't know her last name?"

He shook his head.

I waited while he talked to the soccer chick. I felt kind of sorry for her, to be honest. He dumped her because there was "someone else" and he thought she deserved better than him. Or at least, that's what he told her. He did it kindly and got it over quickly.

Finally, he touched the "end call" button and looked at me.

"Your turn."

I groaned but pulled out my phone and dialed anyway.

As it was ringing, Freddie reached over and squeezed my arm reassuringly.

"Don't worry. Max is a reasonable guy. He'll understand."

Max answered at the last possible moment. I sagged when he picked up. I wanted him to ignore my call. I wanted to undo the last 24 hours so that I didn't have to hurt Max. I still cared about him, even though we weren't together. He was kind of like a great friend that is in love with you, and you just don't feel the same way.

"Sam? I was hoping you'd call!"

"Yea, well…"

"So I was thinking-"

"Stop. Max, there's… there's a lot you don't know."

"What do you mean? Are you busy tomorrow? We can do something later in the week."

"No, Max. You… last night shouldn't have happened. I made a big mistake. I'm so sorry."

I waited to see if he'd hang up on me, but he stayed, silent on the other line.

"Me and… me and Freddie have been dating for almost a month. In secret. He got… frustrated. I caught him cheating right after I got off the phone with you. It was a stupid decision, but I was so hurt, I couldn't think right. I shouldn't have made you take me to that bar. I shouldn't have pressured you into…"

"What do you mean, Freddie cheated on you?"

I was taken aback by his sharp tone. Max was mellow; I'd never seen or heard him angry before.

"Max, it's okay. We've been talking for a while. I started this because I was too afraid to let people know. I should have been honest with you last night. I'm really sorry, Max."

"You're getting back together with him? After he cheated on you?"

"I cheated too, Max. We both made some really bad decisions. I'm sorry you had to get mixed up in this. Can you forgive me?"

He hung up.

I sighed and tucked my phone back into my jeans pocket.

Freddie put his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sam. You're wrong- this mess is my fault, not yours. But I swear to do better. I'll make myself worth you."

He stood and offered me his hand.

"We should probably get your mom's car back home before she notices."

I took it and jumped up with a slight grin.

"Yeah. It would suck to be killed by mom after everything we just went through."

Freddie rolled his brown eyes good-naturedly and led me to his truck.

…

**Do ya'll feel better now? Sam and Freddie are making an attempt to patch things up. Max and Carly are the only outsiders that know the truth.**

**Do you think telling Max was a good decision?**

**Do you think Sam and Freddie can ever get back to where they were before?**

**REVIEW!**

**Note: 10+ Reviews and I'll post an extra chapter on Wednesday**


	23. War

**I started taking meds for my depression yesterday and feel as light as air. All the negativity that was bogging me down and eating me inside is now gone and I couldn't be happier. Thank God for miracles!**

...

An Aggressive Day in the School Hallway

…

_**Monday**_

…

I waited for Carly to finish talking to her German teacher. Apparently, Carly was top of the class.

Whoop de doo.

Frankly, I just wanted to see Freddie. I hadn't had time to talk to him since the night before and I wanted to spend time with him. We made some really shitty mistakes, and I knew it was going to be really hard to fix what we had. Still, I knew deep down inside that we were going to get through it. Bensons and Pucketts are notoriously stubborn.

"OMG! Guess what?!"

I let my head fall to the side and asked in a drolling, unenthused voice, "What?"

Carly seemed not to notice.

"I got invited to a language conference! The top of every language class gets to go- it'll be SO FUN!"

I patted her head like one might pet a dog.

"Yeah, Carls. That's great. But can I go see Freddie now?"

"So you guys are… okay?"

I shrugged, "Getting there."

She followed me down the hallway toward our block of lockers.

Freddie was standing there sorting through books. There was a crinkle on his forehead that made me smile. Leave it to Freddie to stress about the organization of his school locker.

Suddenly, Carly nudged me.

"Um… Sam?"

"What?" I asked in irritation.

She pointed to the hallway.

Max was walking through the hallway. No, actually, he was storming through the hallway. It was clear from the look on his face that he was really pissed.

"Oh, God."

He was headed straight for Freddie.

Before I had any time to react, Max was shoving Freddie up against the lockers.

"What the hell, dude?" Freddie yelped in surprise.

"You son of a bitch", Max spat

"What's your problem?"

"What's my problem? You wanna know what my problem is, Benson?"

Freddie raised an eyebrow, "Isn't that what I said?"

"You're a fucking bastard. That's my problem."

"I think you might have me confused with someone else."

"Really?" Max narrowed his eyes, "And who might that be?"

Freddie shoved him so suddenly, Max fell onto the floor.

"YOU. YOU took advantage of her, when you KNEW she was drunk. What kind of sick fuck does that?"

"Oh, no." I whispered. Freddie's eyes were filled with anger and hatred. There was no scenario where this ended well. I tried to go forward and stop it, but Carly held me back.

Max jumped to his feet, glaring at Freddie.

"I did no such thing."

"You're a shitty liar, Max. You knew she was in a vulnerable place. How could you do that to her?"

"How could_** I**_ do that to her? How could _YOU_ do that to her? You cheated on her."

"And that was a mistake. But what I did doesn't even hold a candle to what you did." Freddie's voice got louder, and he began approaching Max.

"You took advantage of her! SHE WASN'T READY!"

Max growled and shoved Freddie against the wall. Freddie threw a punch at his shoulder, sending Max spinning away.

"You should've seen the way she looked at me that night, Benson. You're deluding yourself."

Freddie threw a punch at Max's head, which he dodged easily. He began backing away slowly, teasing Freddie. A small crowd had gathered around the two young men. Gibby, Brad, and Carly were all working to hold me back.

"She doesn't care about you. You're so blind. You're so fucking blind."

He dodged another of Freddie's punches and socked him the gut.

Freddie leaned over, groaning.

"There was DESIRE in her eyes. She WANTED me, Benson. She wanted me like she'll never want you."

Hate burned in Freddie's eyes. He stood up rigidly and stared into Max's taunting green eyes.

"You're wrong. You'll never know what it feels like. You're so wrapped up in fucking hormones. You don't respect her at all. I would never do that to someone that mattered. NEVER. You DISGUST me."

Freddie shook his head once and turned. He was stopping the fight.

Max's eyes narrowed and he seized Freddie by the shoulder, throwing him to the bottom of the wall.

I finally burst free from my friends' hold on me and rushed into the area just as Freddie picked himself up and punched Max in the jaw. Max howled and charged at Freddie.

"STOP!" I screamed.

They froze and turned to look at me.

"What's WRONG with you? Max, I thought you were better than this!"

"I was defending you", he justified.

I shook my head at him, stepping close, less than a foot away.

"No. You of all people should know- I don't need anyone to defend me. Least of all you."

"But-"

"No, Max! Seriously, this has to stop."

I narrowed my eyes at him and leaned in, staring into his cold, unwavering gaze.

"I don't know what your problem is, and I don't care. Leave Freddie alone."

His glare deepened and he shoved me aside.

"You don't know what you want."

Before he could take a single step in any direction, Freddie kicked him hard- in a particularly sensitive place. Max gasped in pain and fell on the floor. Freddie picked him up by his shirt collar and slammed his head against the lockers.

"Don't you EVER touch my girl again."

Max stared in shock at the brown-eyed boy no one would dare to call a nub again.

I sighed in Max's direction. Freddie walked up to me slowly.

"Sam? You… are you mad?"

I opened my mouth, but he stopped me.

"Scratch that. I know you are. And you're right. You don't need me to come to your rescue. I just wanted to be the hero this time. Forgive me?"

I smiled and took Freddie's hand.

"I think I can manage that."

He slipped his hands around my waist, and I threaded my fingers through his hair. Our lips met with a shower of sparks and I knew that I loved this man more than words could say.

The entire school watched, openmouthed, as I pulled myself closer to Freddie. He gently pushed me up against the lockers and explored my mouth with his tongue.

I groaned quietly, not caring about the crowd around us.

Let them watch.

…

**That was, hands down, the funnest thing I've ever had to write. **

**Do you guys love me again? **

**REVIEW!**


	24. X-iled

**I JUST wrote this like 10 minutes ago, so sorry for any grammar mistakes- auto correct doesn't always catch things. And sorry it's late, but here it is!**

…

A Kissing Day with Mr. Howard

…

_**Monday**_

…

Too soon after our lips connected, Freddie and I's kiss was interrupted by a sharp cough. It was too close to be a coincidence.

We reluctantly parted, and I found myself staring right at Mr. Howard, the menopausal jerkwad of a teacher that loves to hate everything.

My cheeks burned, but I leveled my gaze.

"What do you want?"

He glared at Freddie, the current and clearly more important object of his irritation.

"Benson, you're suspended for a week."

He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

Mr. Howard pointed a stubby finger at Max, "You too, McGuffe."

Max stood and retorted, "It's after school hours. There is no rule that says anything about AFTER school. You can't suspend either of us."

"I can and I will. No fighting on school property."

I glared at Mr. Howard, "Aw, come on! Where does it say that?"

He didn't answer.

"Seriously, Francine, let 'em go."

That got his attention.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were Mrs. Briggs." I smirked at his reddened face.

"One more peep out of you, and you can go to detention with those two", he growled, jerking a finger at Freddie and Max.

Spend more time with Freddie? Sure, why not?

"Poor Mr. Howard. At least your wife loves you! Oh, wait. She thinks you're a loser, just like we do."

I took in his bald tomato head with pride and added, "Peep."

"TWO WEEKS SUSPENSION! FOR ALL THREE OF YOU! PLUS DETENTION FOR ANOTHER MONTH"

Carly frowned at me across a sea of onlookers. I grinned cheekily at her.

Freddie took my arm and whispered quickly, "I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but I don't really want more detention. My mom's gonna kill me as it is."

"How're you planning to explain your suspension, Mr. Perfect?"

"Ummm…"

"GET! OUT!"

The rest of the students scattered after Mr. Howard's head blew up, so I decided it would be a good time to leave.

Freddie started to take my hand and I jerked away.

"What's wrong?"

"Sorry- Habit."

I grabbed his hand, threading my fingers through his and squeezing them.

"And sorry about the extra week of suspension. And detention."

He smiled, "It was worth it."

I stopped at my locker and yanked it open, pulling a package from it and then slamming it shut.

"What's that?"

"Meat. This will not last two weeks without a fridge."

Freddie laughed, "I'm surprised you don't have one in there."

"I did, but it broke."

Freddie rolled his eyes and opened the door for me. I laughed at his boyish gesture.

"What? Now I can be a gentleman. We're out of the closet now."

I stifled a laugh.

"The janitor's closet, anyway."

Freddie nodded, his grin growing to look like the Cheshire cat's.

"We've been outed."

…

**Sort of a filler chapter, but I'm searching for a direction this story's headed in. I know what's coming in the next chapter or so, but not after that.**

**REVIEW!**

**AND tell me where you want the story to go!**


	25. Yield

A Doughnut Day in Portland

…

_**Thursday**_

…

I let my head fall over the couch seat, staring at Freddie as he did homework.

"Why are you standing on the ceiling, Fredderly?"

"Wha-" Freddie turned and saw me hanging upside-down on his living room couch.

"Oh. Well, gravity doesn't affect my body anymore and I can't remember how to get down. Why is your hair standing straight up?"

I smiled and rolled onto the floor.

"Why isn't yours?"

He laughed and turned back to his homework.

I groaned and jumped up.

"Freddie", I whined, "when can we do something FUN? I'm tired of sitting here studying all the time!"

He raised an eyebrow, "First of all, you're lucky I even let you in here. My mom hates you, and she'd kill me if she knew you were here. Second of all, you haven't done any studying. You've just been sitting here watching ME do homework."

"Well that's boring. Come on, Fred! Where's your sense of adventure? We've still got over a week of suspension for you to do homework. Can't we go somewhere interesting?"

Freddie sighed and sat on a kitchen barstool. He glanced at the blinking numbers on the stove and looked up reluctantly.

"Fine. But it's MY turn to decide what we do. Get in the car."

…

"FREDDIE!"

Freddie jerked the wheel, "WHAT?"

"I'm bored."

He glared at me, then returned his eyes to the road.

"When I said I wanted to do something, I didn't mean driving for three hours straight."

"It's only been two and a half hours and we'll be there in less than 15 minutes."

I huffed and slid down in my seat grouchily.

"This is not how I imagined spending my Friday."

Freddie smiled as he noticed a sign with cities and miles printed on it.

I glanced at it and read off the top one.

"Portland? We're going to Portland?"

He only smiled and took the next exit.

When we pulled into town, he slowed down to a measly 15 miles per hour.

"Why in the hell are you slowing down so much, Benson? You're wearing on my last nerve."

"Parking is hard to find here."

I groaned and threw an arm over my eyes, leaning back in defeat.

"Wake me up when we get somewhere."

…

Fifteen minutes later, Freddie managed to find a parking slot in downtown Portland near the river. Or maybe it was a lake. Who cares?

Freddie took me by the hand and led me around a bend to one of the pay-by-the-hour parking lots.

"Alright, Fredwad. Why are we here?"

In answer, he gestured toward a wall behind my head. I turned around and came face to face with bold letters staining the wall: "KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD".

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. Freddie made me stand by the sign and took several pictures of me standing on front of the street art, making us look like stupid tourists, but somehow, I didn't care.

Next, he took me across a street and up to a growing line next to a blindingly shiny brick wall.

I grabbed his hand and we stood in line. I examined the wall, painted some metallic gold color but covered in multicolored glitter that shone in the sun. We took a few steps forward, next to a vent.

"Oh my God."

The smell of freshly baked cake hit my nostrils, making my mouth water like crazy. I took a deep breath and leaned against Freddie, dizzy from the intoxicating smell coming out of the vent.

"What is this place?"

Freddie chuckled and gestured to a sign jutting out from the brick wall a few yards away."

"Voodoo Doughnuts. I'd make an entire trip down here just for this place."

My curiosity peaked as we got closer and closer to the front of the line. Finally, we made it into the shop. My senses tingles and I struggled to take in everything at once. There were doughnuts of all shapes and sizes and colors displays everywhere. Freddie led me up to the register.

"Whaddaya want, Sam? Pick eight."

My jaw dropped at the sight of all the doughnuts. Only eight?

And then I saw it…

"Oh my God… Freddie, is that…?"

"Yes it is. A maple bar with bacon on the top."

"Holy crap. I need at least two of those."

Freddie grinned and ordered my two maple bacon bars, a lemon chiffon crueller, a buttermilk bar, a toasted coconut, and a McMinnville Cream, which was a maple doughnut without a hole. And it had a moustache.

I picked out my last six quickly, and Freddie seemed to know all of them. The chocolate one with Oreo and peanut butter was an Old Dirty Bastard, apparently. The banana fritter with maple and chocolate sauce plus chocolate chips was a Memphis Mafia. I also got a Gay Bar, a vanilla iced one with a rainbow of Froot Loops on top. Freddie ordered an extra box and we were back out on the street with two pink cardboard boxes full of doughnuts. Freddie stopped just outside Voodoo Doughnuts and handed me our custom dozen.

"DON'T eat any. Capeesh?"

I growled.

"SAM."

"Fine."

He opened up the second box and offered a doughnut to one of the many homeless people lining the sidewalk outside the busy shop.

The man looked up, stunned, but accepted the small circle of cake and icing gratefully.

Freddie also dropped a $10 in the man's change bowl.

The man stared after Freddie, stunned. I was a little surprised myself, to be honest. It's not like I didn't know he was an amazing guy, I just didn't realize HOW amazing.

He continued down the street, offering $10 and a doughnut to each unfortunate person there. I joined in after the first few, though still giving away the ones from the box he carried.

One woman grabbed my hand as I started off after Freddie.

"God bless you. I haven't been able to stand in food lines long enough because of my arthritis, so I haven't eaten in days. God bless you."

I smiled, surprising even myself, "Thank you, Ma'am. It was an honor to meet you. I wish you the best."

I took a step toward Freddie, who was several people in front of me now, but stopped.

I opened our box and took out a bacon maple bar, offering it to the woman.

"Good luck."

She smiled sadly, and I jogged over to Freddie, who was throwing away the pink box, which was already empty. He took my hand and led me around the corner and down the street.

"Why do you do that?"

Freddie glanced and me and back at the street.

"When I was a kid, my dad used to take me here all the time. He always did that. He used to say that we have so much, and we're selfish not to share with people who are down on their luck."

"But some of them aren't just 'down on their luck'- they wasted all their money on strippers and drugs. It's their fault that they're here."

Freddie stopped and looked me in the eye.

"No. They got sucked into an addiction before they realized what they were doing. Unlucky."

I'd never seen Freddie like this before. He seemed… distant. It was a side of him that was foreign to me.

"My dad was one of those unlucky guys. He was raised in a crackhouse. Never got a decent education. He was addicted to 10 different drugs by the time he was 13. He wanted to make an honest living, but he never knew how. He ran away at sixteen and was homeless for two years. He got help from a lot of other guys out here. He got cleaned up, got a job as the hospital janitor, and then he met my mom. She never knew his whole story. Never really wanted to. She said that the past didn't matter, but it did."

Freddie looked at me with fiery eyes.

"His own father killed him, Sam. His bastard father came and found him and killed him 'cause he ran away when he was sixteen."

My jaw nearly dropped off my skull. Freddie never talked about his dad. Now I knew why.

"We moved to Seattle because of that man. That's why my mom's so overprotective of me. She's terrified that that fucking murderer will come back and take me too. I swear if I ever see him, I'll kill him for what he did to us. I'll fucking kill him."

I squeezed Freddie's limp hand in hopes of bringing him back to reality.

"Freddie. You know that won't solve anything. You can't stoop to his level."

"I know. But I always wanted to be a cop. That way, I could but guys like that behind bars. I don't understand how you can do that… how can you kill your own son?"

A hollowness sunk into my chest, and I lost my footing. Freddie snatched me up before I hit the pavement.

"Sam? SAM! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Can we go sit somewhere?" I croaked out.

He nodded in confusion and took me to an above ground metro. We took it to a green area with an odd waterfall pool thing. It was mostly deserted, as most kids were in school, and I followed Freddie to an empty spot where we could dangle our feet in the water. I was quiet for a while, but Freddie told me about his father, so…

"Freddie my dad was not like your dad. My dad was not a good guy."

"I know that. He ran out on you guys when you were little."

"No. No, he didn't. My father…"

I took a deep breath.

"Freddie, do you know how old we were when we first met?"

"I moved across the hall from Carly when I was eight."

"Right, and when did Carly and I meet?"

"A year before that."

"Exactly. I moved to Seattle when I was 6. My father…"

I struggled to find the words to tell him.

"It's okay, Sam. You don't have to tell me anything."

"Yes, I do. Freddie, you don't understand. My family moved to Seattle for the same reason yours did- to escape my father."

"Come again?"

"I had a brother once. His name was Garret. He was a year younger than me and Melanie. He…"

My heart beat wildly and I had to wrangle the words from my throat.

"My father killed Garret when he was 4 years old. My father got a death sentence, but after that, nobody looked at us anymore. My mom started drinking, and I had to take care of Melanie by myself. I convinced my mom to move because I didn't want people to stare at me anymore. 'Poor little girl', they used to say. 'Her mother's a druggie and her father murdered her brother, that poor family.' "

My eyes burned with anger.

"I had to grow up too fast Freddie. I had nightmares every night. I saw it happen, Freddie. I SAW my little brother get killed and I didn't do anything. I COULDN'T do anything."

Tears began streaming down my face incessantly.

"I never got to grieve my brother. He was so little… I never even got to say goodbye. I was so busy holding my family together…"

Sobs wracked my body and a presence pulled me closer, comforting me.

"Shh. You know what this says about you Sam? You are ten times as strong as I thought you were."

…

**So now you know what happened to Freddie's dad AND the truth about where Sam's dad went. Explains a lot, doesn't it? **

**Oh, and I've been to Portland many, MANY times and love all three of the places Sam and Freddie went to. Voodoo Doughnuts is magical. Literally.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**AND the next chapter might be late… I'm moving sets for drama and have to be at practice until 5 every day this week, and shows start on Friday. I will try my very best to update next Sunday, but don't hate me if I can't. Wish me luck?**


	26. Zap

A Night in Lewiston

…

_**Friday**_

…

After Freddie and I's conversation about our fathers, he had asked me where I moved from. Usually I said something vague like,

"Oh, I'm from down south of here."

or

"Yeah, I moved up from California."

To Freddie, I had said,

"I grew up in northern California. Lewiston, actually. It was really nice there, I miss it sometimes."

From there, he'd decided that that was the next stop on our road trip. Apparently, his Mom was gone to an aggressive parenting meeting, so we had until Monday to goof off.

Freddie drove for two hours until I insisted he let me drive because he looked like he would fall asleep at the wheel. I drove for two or three hours and then he took over again. It was a long drive, to say the least. Freddie drove through the night, and I did my best to stay awake for him, but at eleven, I couldn't keep my heavy eyes open any longer.

I was woken several hours later by Freddie.

"We're here, Sammy. You're back."

I groaned in protest, but got up anyway. It took me about thirty seconds to realize what Freddie had done.

"Oh my God! FREDDIE! You got me a Fat Shake!"

He grinned and handed over the cup, along with a Bacon McMuffin from the Golden Arches.

"You are my favorite person EVER, Freddie Benson. Thank God for nerdy tech producers."

He laughed lightly, but I saw the rims under his eyes. I glanced at the clock and my eyes widened in astonishment.

"Holy shit. It's not even two in the morning, you sicko! Why are we awake?"

Freddie sighed tiredly.

"Before I let you show me around town, I wanted to take you somewhere you might not have ever been. I think we need to do this even before we sleep tonight."

I raised my eyebrows and looked out the window.

My heart pounded furiously in my chest when I saw where we were.

"Freddie why are we here?"

"Sam-"

"NO!" I was shaking all over. "How… how did you find out where I used to live?"

"Sam, I need you to see this."

"I can't, Freddie. I can't. I just can't. I saw my little brother get killed in that house. I can't go back in there. I can't."

"You have to. You've got to face your fears, Sam."

"I CAN'T."

Tears were beginning to spill down my face as the memories came crashing back. Dad ushering us three into his study to play Cowboys and Indians. Him tying me and Mel up. His choking the life out of little Garret.

"Sam."

Freddie put a hand on my shoulder.

"Sam, you are so strong. Please trust me."

Mel's tears pooling on the ground. Garret's tiny body lying limp on the ground.

"I can't do this."

"YOU CAN."

He stepped out of the car and came around to my side, opening the door and taking my shaking hands in his.

"Come on, Sam. I promise you won't regret it."

I took a deep breath and slid out of the car. Never before had anything terrified me so much.

"Freddie, why are we here? You told me you wanted to show me something I never saw before, and we both know I've seen this place."

"You never had a funeral for Garret, Sam. Do you even know what happened to his body?"

"I…"

I didn't. That was the only decision my mom had made on her own.

"He was cremated. The ashes have been sitting in the coroner's office for years, just waiting to be claimed by someone that cared."

I couldn't think of anything to say.

"We are here because I want to show you this house."

"I've seen this house before Freddie. I think we've established that."

"But you don't remember the house. You remember the one terrible thing that happened in it. I want you to remember that there was a place where you grew up, and it wasn't bad. This place", he gestured to our surroundings, "Is a fantasy land. It's beautiful, but all you can think about is the evil that happened here. Try to remember all the good times you had running through your backyard with Melanie and Garret. Remember all the crazy shit you did together? You can't just remember the bad stuff, it isn't right. You have to remember all the fun stuff you did with Garret before he was gone."

I forced myself to look. Not just to look, but to see. I saw me chasing Melanie up our tree. I saw us playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with Garret. I saw my mother sober and lucid, reading "The Cat in the Hat" to us all. Freddie was right. I grew up here, in this town. I had an amazing childhood for a while, and I couldn't have asked for a better home.

"Damn you, Freddie."

Freddie looked at me in bewilderment.

"You are so damn perfect. Thank you."

I hugged him tightly, and smiled through the tears that threatened to break free.

"Oh, Sam."

I pulled away and Freddie reached into his coat pocket, grinning nervously.

Holy crap. Was Freddie… proposing?

He pulled a Ziploc bag out, and I breathed a sigh of relief. No offense, but we were only seventeen.

"I was able to gat Garret's ashes. I had hoped that you would be able to… I don't know. That you could give him a sort of memorial surface?"

I stared at the dark powder in the bag, then back at Freddie.

"Yeah, okay. I mean, he deserves it."

There was no wind, so I just scattered the ashes around our tree, the one I had planned to build a tree house in before we moved.

"Garret, I am so sorry about what happened to you. You were such a great brother, and even though I didn't say it all the time, I love you so much. You would have been a great man, and I wish I could have gotten to see you grow up to be one. We all miss you so much, Mom and Mel and Me. I wish they could be here right now. They loved you too. One day, I hope I'll see you again, but I'm not sure that I'm good enough to get up where you are, so do you think you could come down and visit me? I'd love to see you again. I miss you, Garry. I'm sorry it took me so long to say so."

Freddie took my hand and squeezed it lightly. He stepped forward slightly, facing the trunk of the tree, as if a teenage Garret stood there instead of a tree.

"I wish I could've met you, Garret. It would have been an honor to meet someone Sam cares about so much, and I hope we'd have been friends. I promise I'll take care of your sister. She…", he halted for a moment, deliberating.

"She has become a beautiful woman, and I am so happy I got to know her. Even though the circumstances that forced us to move weren't the greatest, the outcome was amazing. Your sacrifice was not in vain. It brought us together, and I can't thank you enough for that."

I pulled Freddie into a big hug.

"Sam, I should go start the car and get the heat going. It's freezing out here."

I hadn't even noticed the temperature until then, but he was right. Plus, it looked like it might rain.

I released him, and he started off toward the car.

I glanced at the tree again, imagining what Garret would look like if her were alive now.

"Garret, I know you would've wanted to protect me from heartbreak if you were here, so I'll tell you this: Freddie is a good man. He is honest, and even though he's made some mistakes, he cares about me. He would never hurt me, and he means the world to me. He looks out for me and I trust him with my life. I promise you, he'll never break his promise; he will always take care of me."

"Sam, the car's ready", Freddie half-shouted from the driveway.

"Goodbye, Garret", I murmured, and then I ran back to Freddie.

...

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	27. Agony

A Painful Day at the Oregon State Penitentiary

…

_**Saturday**_

…

Freddie and I spent most of Friday exploring Lewiston. It had been so long since I was there, it was almost like seeing a new city. At the end of the day, we parked outside a diner I used to go to, originally planning on eating there, but I fell asleep on the way and Freddie didn't have the heart to wake me up. In the morning, we were greeted by the smell of bacon frying.

Freddie and I ate breakfast in the diner and then Freddie made a surprising declaration.

"I'm going to talk to my grandfather today."

"Your… you mean the guy that killed your dad?" I asked in astonishment.

"Yes. It's time. I made you face your demons, and Walter Benson is mine. I could never ask you to do something I wouldn't do."

"Freddie, you really don't have to do this. If my dad was still alive, I would not go visit him in prison."

"But your dad isn't alive. He's not a threat to you any more. I have to do this. I have to at least try to… fix him. If I don't, who's to say he won't come after me and my mom? What if he came after YOU?"

I saw Freddie's determined expression and sighed.

"I'll drive."

…

Six and a half hours later, we arrived at the Oregon State Penitentiary in Salem. I was worried about Freddie, who'd been relatively silent the entire way. I was scared for him. Terrified, really.

We went in together and I tried to talk to the desk lady. It didn't go well.

"Sorry, but visiting hours are over."

"Come on! It's like, four o'clock. You can't be closed!"

The man stared at me in boredom.

"Visiting hours end at four. You can come back at ten o'clock tomorrow."

"PLEASE! Listen, we don't have that long…"

"Are you dying?"

"No…"

When I realized that it wasn't working, I briefly considered beating the guy to a pulp. Sadly, we were separated by a thick wall of glass.

"Listen, Freddie really needs to talk to his grandfather. It's important!"

I looked to Freddie for help, but his gaze was numb.

"Really? And why is that?"

"Because… because Freddie tried to kill himself last week and his therapist told him to let go of his anger and confront his grandfather."

Freddie started and the man behind the window raised his eyebrows. He glanced over at Freddie, who fortunately had the presence of mind to look embarrassed.

"So you are here to yell at him."

"NO! Freddie just has to talk to him so he can find the… the good inside him."

"What if there is no good inside him?"

I screamed in frustration and smashed my fist against the window.

The man fell out of his chair and stared openmouthed at my hand, which had begun to bleed.

I smeared the blood in circles on the window while the man got up, adopting a defeated glance.

Once he'd gotten back up on his chair, I tried a new approach.

"Please", I said quietly, "I'm scared for him. We're engaged to be married in just a few weeks, and I…"

I broke into tears- fake ones, obviously.

Freddie stepped up behind me and took my hand, slipping a thick band around my finger. Smart boy.

"Can't you do something? We're only in town for the rest of today."

"It's against the rules for me to let you in to visit Walter Benson, but the boys are out in the yard digging holes. I can take you to the other side and you can speak with him, so long as he keeps working and you two don't cause trouble."

I grinned cheekily.

"Yes sir, no trouble from us."

…

Jesús led us around to the yard and told us to yell if something went wrong, then left to clean the blood off his window.

I stood by the gate with Freddie, nursing my injured hand. Jesús had offered me an ice pack, and I was sorely regretting not taking him up on that offer.

"Hank?"

I turned and saw an older man staring at Freddie in wonderment and terror. He looked just like Freddie, but his eyes were much darker, almost black.

"No, Walter. I'm his son. The one you left fatherless."

I winced at Freddie's sharp tone, but stood by him nonetheless.

The man- Walter- seemed shocked.

"Fredward?"

"Yea, it's me."

"Why are you here?"

His tone had gone angry all of a sudden. My hopes for the conversation dwindled.

"I just wanted to see you."

"Why? I killed your father."

"Because I don't understand how you could do that, and I want answers."

Walter laughed.

"Like fuck I'll tell you my thoughts. Tell you what, I'll tell you anything you wanna hear if you get me out of here."

"Not a chance in hell."

"I thought not."

Walter turned away and Freddie slumped slightly.

"Please, Mr. Benson…" both men stared at me as if suddenly noticing my presence.

"Freddie loved his dad, I know he did. But he doesn't want to hate you forever. We just want to know why. We don't want you to die alone."

"Who the hell are you?"

Freddie stepped in front of me protectively.

"That's Sam, and she's none of your business."

"She your woman?"

"Yes, now answer her question."

"Now, I don't remember her question. Did you ask a question little missy?"

"I…" I looked at the hateful expression on the man's face and knew he'd never tell us anything. There was nothing we could do. "No I didn't. Good day, Mr. Benson."

I grabbed Freddie's arm, then jerked away in pain.

"Aw, shit. Freddie, I think I broke it."

He smiled for the first time in hours and took my other hand.

"Why don't we get you some food and an ice pack?"

"That sounds fantastic."

…

**Just finished writing that, despite some stupid stuff that's going on between my mom and I and the musical I'm in (opening night was on Friday and it went awesome- we're doing "The Drowsy Chaperone" and it's really funny). Apparently, my mom thinks that Mother's Day is an excuse to bitch at me about rules I've broken that don't actually exist. I'm not sure I can take another two years of her. Anyway, please pray for me, as I am in a particularly bad place right now. **

**REVIEW!**


	28. Bedtime

**Sorry I didn't update last week, guys. Things have been a little nuts and I got a dog last week so I was somewhat preoccupied. Also, finals are next week. I will do my best to get a chapter or two in next Sunday. Maybe even three if I get enough reviews!**

…

A Tiring Day at a Mediocre Hotel

…

_**Saturday**_

…

I popped a fry into my mouth and frowned at the bag of ice on my hand.

"Freddie", I whined, "it's COLD!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"It's ice, Sam. It's supposed to be cold."

"Yeah, but-"

"Just don't. I know what you're trying to do, Sam, and I appreciate that, but it's not going to work."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Fredward."

"Yes you do. You're trying to distract me so I won't think about…"

I grabbed his wrist with my good hand and looked up into those damn brown eyes that drive me mad.

"It's okay, Freddie. There are people out there who are just too… too stubborn to change. I'm proud of you for even trying. I know how hard it is to do that. Just let it go, okay? Screw Walter Benson!"

Freddie grinned. "That's what I love about you, Sam. Somehow, you fix everything even though you're known for breaking things."

"Love?"

Freddie's eyes snapped up.

"I didn't say 'love'. I said 'like'. That's one of the things I LIKE about you."

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Sam? Can we just stay at a hotel tonight? I'm too tired to go anywhere else."

"Only if you buy me bacon in the morning."

"Deal."

…

Our hotel room was mediocre at best. The blankets were itchy, the air conditioning sucked, and the toilet paper was rough. It's one redeeming quality?

One gigantic bed.

"I don't understand it. I could've sworn we asked for a two-bed room. Are you sure you're okay here?"

I grinned and gave him a thumbs-up.

Freddie sighed and collapsed on the bed next to me.

"I could sleep on the floor, you know."

"You could try, but I think that's a puke stain right there and there isn't much more floor space elsewhere. I think we can share."

Though he tried to stifle it, a laugh broke free of Freddie's lips.

"What?"

"It's nothing. Never mind."

I smiled, remembering a scene just like this. Our first kiss. I remembered the way he laughed and the exchange that eventually led up to the meeting of lips. I shook off the memory.

"It's never nothing. Tell me."

"Well, first: you said we could SHARE. That's not something I would've predicted you emitting. Second: two months ago you probably would've made me sleep in the bathtub."

I leaned against my hand and glanced at the bathroom door, "Now that you mention it…,"

"I'm NOT sleeping in the bathtub. You'll have to manage sharing the bed. Unless YOU want to sleep in the bathtub?"

I rolled over to lie on my back.

"I'll pass; thanks."

Freddie leaned over and placed a hand on either side of me pressing his nose against mine.

"You sure?" he asked with a devilish grin.

I raised an eyebrow.

"If I sleep in the tub, you sleep in the doghouse."

He laughed and I pulled his mouth to mine, relishing the moment.

Our bodies intertwined and I moaned quietly. Our mouths worked together in a kind of dance, biting and sucking and breathing heavily. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt- which was tucked into the waist of his shorts.

What a nub.

I slid my hands up his chest, internalizing the warmth that spread to my fingertips. Freddie moaned and pulled me closer, cupping my head in his hand.

I took one hand off Freddie's chest and touched his belt buckle. I heard a sharp intake of breath and he pulled away.

Freddie took my hands in his, and I realized they were trembling.

"Sam."

That one word broke some wall inside me and I whimpered with the effort to keep them quiet.

"Sam, it's okay. We aren't ready for this, but that's okay."

I trembled, and words begun to leak out.

"But… but Max…"

"I don't care about Max. That night didn't really happen, okay? You weren't there. Not really."

"You… aren't jealous?"

"I… no. Because nothing happened."

"But Freddie, it did happen."

"I know, I just mean…" Freddie sighed and leaned against a pillow.

"It doesn't count. You were drunk and hurting and you hardly remember it. I can wait. I care about you too much to push you too far."

I bit my lip, "But what if it's not pushing me too far?"

"We'll see."

He moved into a sleeping position and I rested my head on his chest, too tired to do anything more.

It was too hot to go under the covers, and I fell asleep easily.

But before I lost consciousness, I heard them.

Three little words so quiet, I wondered if I was imagining them.

"I love you."

…

**Again, sorry for not updating last week.**

**If I get a bunch of reviews, I will post an EXTRA chapter next week, ok? **

**So please REVIEW!**


	29. Caught

**Happy Tuesday, peoples! I surprised myself by writing an entire chapter just today. Finals are this week and I have so much other work to do, I wasn't even sure I could get a chapter in on Sunday. Apparently, I've had ideas flowing through me for week and didn't realize they were there or know how to tap into them. Anyhow, here's chapter 29!**

…

A Surprising Day of No-egg McMuffins

…

_**Sunday**_

…

I woke up alone. The bed next to me was cold and Freddie was nowhere to be found.

Had I scared him off?

Did he leave without me?

I made an attempt to get rid of the thoughts, but they nagged at me incessantly. I banged my hand against the table in frustration, but recoiled at the singing pain that shot up my knuckles.

Whoops. I'd almost forgotten about that.

Before I could get to the ice container, a knock at the door sounded.

I grumbled, muttering something about "damn maids" and "germaphobe aliens" before yanking the door open, fully prepared to tell the maid there that I liked my sheets messed up and she'd better get the hell away from my room before I did something we'd both regret.

Instead, the smell of bacon snuck around the edge of the door, enveloping me in a tantalizing meat cloud. I stared longingly at the McDonalds bag held just out of my reach.

"I told you I'd bring you breakfast."

I growled at Freddie.

"GIVE. ME. IT."

He chuckled and handed the bag over. Inside was an assortment of meat-related breakfast sandwiches and hash browns. Not even bothering to read the label, I unwrapped one and took a bite.

"EWWW!"

I spat the monstrosity into a napkin and fought the urge to vomit.

"What the hell is this?"

Freddie frowned, "It's a sausage egg McMuffin… I thought you loved these."

"It must be the egg. I'm not an egg kind of person."

I pulled the floppy egg patty out of the bun and threw it away with a disgusted look.

"Sorry", Freddie mumbled.

" 'Sall good", I said through bites of my sausage McMuffin, "no harm done." I swallowed. "At least, not unless you forget and do it again. Then there will be much damage."

I flicked Freddie's forehead and he laughed nervously.

"Hey Freddope, when'd you say your mom was coming back from that parenting thing?"

"A couple days. I think."

"You think?"

"Aw crap!"

I jerked my head up from a bacon and cheese McBiscuit.

"What now?"

"My mom made me promise to call her every night…"

"Freddie, your mother's going to kill you. And then she's going to kill me", I chuckled, "or maybe I'll kill her before she gets to either of us."

"NO! No… I'll just call her and tell her I was busy or something. I mean it's only been a few days."

I raised an eyebrow, "I don't think that'll work Fredweeb."

"Why not?"

"Well first of all, your mother panics when she hasn't seen you for a few hours. Second", I tossed him his phone, "your phone died yesterday morning."

"Shit."

"You should've brought a charger. I mean, what would people say if they knew that Sir Nubbington was somewhere with a dead phone and no way to charge it?"

He rolled his eyes and I pulled a hash brown from the bag. After a brief debate, I offered it to him. He took a bite out of it, and then his idea face popped up.

"Of course! I could call my mom on the hotel phone!"

"Hate to burst your nerd bubble Fredalina, but I'm pretty sure even Crazy has caller ID."

"Well then we're fucked."

"Pretty much."

"We should get going before she flips out and goes home."

"Knowing your psychotic mother, I'd say we should've left yesterday."

…

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

I tried to shrink back behind Freddie while he answered the question, but it was no use. Marissa Benson was in hyperdrive, and she needed a target to shoot at and destroy. In most cases, that's me.

"Samantha Puckett! You little WRETCH! I knew you were out to corrupt my Freddiebear, I just knew it!"

Freddie tried to protest, but I knew it was useless. In the hours it had taken us to get back to Seattle, Freddie's mom had called the entire city of Seattle and the President's wife.

"Come on, mom! My phone broke while we were in… Tacoma. It's not anyone's fault. Besides, it was my idea to go to their museum anyway."

"You lie for HER!" Crazy screeched, "What did she do to make you this way?"

"Sam didn't do anything!"

"She corrupted you!"

Finally, I'd had enough.

"Alright you psychotic bitch, I DID corrupt Freddie! Whattya gonna do about it?"

She sputtered and turned bright red. I imagined steam coming out of her ears and almost laughed.

"Freddie, I FORBID you from seeing this… this DEMON!

"MOM!"

"Go ahead and try, Crazy! You can't make us do anything!"

"US?!" Marissa roared.

Freddie facepalmed.

"Now you listen to me MISS PUCKETT", she said through clenched teeth, "You stay away from my Freddie."

I smirked, "Make me."

Before she could respond, I stepped out the door, slammed it, and waltzed down the hallway.

Damn that was fun.

…

The next week was lonely. Marissa stuck to her word and hardly let Freddie out of her sight. She even monitored his text log, which I discovered (thankfully) before making any PDA offers. I hate Crazy, but I don't REALLY want to kill her.

On Saturday, I got the flu. Freddie managed to sneak out and see me for an hour because his mom had a mandatory meeting at the hospital that he wasn't allowed to go to.

He brought me ginger ale and saltine crackers, which was really sweet even though I wasn't nauseous anymore and just wanted ham.

"At least we can spend some time together in a few days."

"Huh?"

Freddie laughed, "Of course you forgot; it's nothing new to you. We have a month of detention, starting Tuesday when we go back to school."

I tossed the empty Sprite bottle across the room, missing the trash can by at least a foot.

"Damn", I muttered, "My aim's really off."

"Sam?"

"Yeah, detention. I'd be going there anyway, I haven't not had detention since…" I halted and scrunched up my nose, trying to remember.

"Never?" Freddie suggested.

I nodded my head, "Maybe longer."

…

**GOOD LUCK TO ALL YOU PEOPLE TAKING FINALS!**

**(Here's a secret: If you REVIEW, Tyche will give you extra good luck!)**


	30. Disordered

**I updated on Wednesday and deleted the author's note so CHAPTER 29 IS DIFFERENT!**

**IF YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE EGG MCMUFFINS, ****GO BACK AND READ THE LAST CHAPTER****!**

**Oh, and… HAPPY 30****th**** CHAPTER! I seriously never thought I'd get this far, but you guys inspire me to write more and somehow everything just flows. Thanks you!**

…

A Testing Day in the Room of Requirement

…

_**Tuesday**_

…

After two weeks of sleeping in until noon, getting woken up before six in the morning by an irritatingly peppy radio commenter was not pleasant.

It took me twice as long as usual to shower and get dressed, so I yanked a brush through my hair and ate a poptart on the way to school.

I missed almost all of first period, not that it mattered. First period was P.E., and all Coach did was shake his finger at you and give you water duty at the next sports event. There were times I skipped all of P.E. to sleep in and made up for it by coming by practice with pizza and Gatorade. I've never even gotten a tardy in that class.

Anyway, by the time I made it to lunch, I was in serious need of a nap. I was way behind because Freddie wasn't there to make me do any of my schoolwork, so I knew even less about the crap the teachers were yapping on about than usual.

Other than the hour on Saturday, Freddie and I hadn't seen each other at all the past week. We didn't even do an iCarly because the Shays were in Yakima again. I was dying for some "alone time". In others words, I REALLY wanted to make out with him. I almost jumped Freddie when I first saw him that morning, and I told him as much.

"Freddie, I really want to jump you right now."

"Should I invest in a rape whistle?"

"Yes."

He grinned evilly, and I avoided him after that. Unfortunately, Freddie had gained some power over me, and I didn't want Principal Franklin to catch me tearing his shirt off or something even worse.

When he walked in the lunch room, I was a mixture of desire and laughter. For some reason, Freddie has chosen to wear a blue and white striped tie to school, along with a grey pullover sweater and black slacks. Could he be any more nubbish?

"What's with the outfit?" I asked, mostly out of curiosity.

"It's Wizard Independence Day!"

Clearly, I was wrong. Freddie is always more nubbish than he looks.

"Good God, Freddie. Please take that off."

He raised an eyebrow and I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I grabbed hold of his tie and pulled him away from the many eyes in the cafeteria.

"Where are we going?" he asked cheekily.

"Hogwarts. The room of requirement."

He laughed.

Once we reached it, I yanked open the door to the janitor's closet.

"What do you kids want?"

This was asked by a balding man in blue coveralls. Funny, the only time I ever actually saw a janitor of any kind was when Carly started dating Griffin and Spencer tried to stalk her. Good times."

"Um, I was looking for some paper towels. There was a spill in the cafeteria."

The man shrugged, "there's paper towels in the bathrooms."

I sighed and pulled Freddie along with me toward the gym.

"What are we going here for?"

"There is a private bathroom between the gym and the teachers' lounge."

He waggled his eyebrows, "Wow, romantic!"

I smacked his arm and dragged him into the bathroom with me.

The scene that commenced was a mess of hot kisses, heavy breathing, and, after a little while, no shirts.

After my need was satisfied and my shirt was back on, I laughed and picked up Freddie's tie.

"Ravenclaw, huh? I guess you think you're pretty smart."

"Uh huh."

"So, Smart Boy, what house am I in?"

He didn't hesitate even a little bit.

"Slytherin."

"So that would make me Draco Malfoy and you… Cedric Diggory."

"Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff."

"Wait, he was GAY? But he dated Cho!"

Freddie sighed and held out his hand.

"Can I have my tie back?"

"Naw, I think I'm gonna wear it for the rest of the day."

"I borrowed it from Rueben."

"EEWWW!"

I flung it across the room and growled at Freddie.

"How could you let me TOUCH that? I mean Rueben…" suddenly it dawned on me, "Rueben transferred last year. To Minnesota."

Freddie grinned with his hand on the door.

"What can I say? I wanted my tie."

"I'm gonna kill you, Freddie."

He dashed out the door and around the corner, laughing maniacally. I chased him for a while, but it didn't take too long for me to catch up. Once I did, I shoved him to the ground and pulled a pencil from my backpack, jabbing it into his side.

"Avada Kedavra."

Freddie went limp and I rolled my eyes, getting off him.

"Freddie, get up."

He rolled over and laughed.

"Whatever you say, Draco."

**A/N: Sorry about all the HP jokes. I've been rewatching all the movies and it just came out while writing. Don't worry if you don't get it.**

…

_**Thursday**_

…

Detention wasn't that bad. I mean, Mr. Howard usually "supervised", which meant he'd leave to watch soap operas with Ms. Briggs in the teachers' lounge. After that, we all had an hour or so to do whatever we wanted, then he came back for about five minutes, then he left to make out with her. Ugh. Old people really shouldn't make out, it's gross.

Anyhoo, Freddie would try to study, and I'd bother him until he agreed to do something fun with me. I'll let you all imagine what that means. Actually, never mind. Usually we smuggled in an iPad and played Fruit Ninja.

On Thursday, my alarm clock didn't go off, and I decided I was "sick" since I didn't really want to go to school. Sadly, that came back to bite me in the ass because I actually did get sick about a few hours before lunch.

Karma's a bitch.

I ended up curled into a ball on my bed, hugging a large blue bowl to my chest.

I whined to Rabia but she was too bust swatting at moths. I even threw a bouncy ball over, but all that did was knock over my calendar and a couple of my "good grade" assignments.

I groaned and pulled myself out of bed. Not to pick up the papers, mind you, but to find some pepto bismal. Still, I stopped on the way to move the papers out of Rabia's way. She didn't get the name "paper killer" for nothing.

I gathered them up into my arms and glanced at the top one. I giggled at some of the pictures on it, but a red mark caught my eye. I looked closer and my eyes widened.

"What the hell?"

I stared at the paper a moment longer, then shook my head.

"What were you thinking, Sam?" I muttered to myself, "Don't be ridiculous."

I dropped the papers on my dresser and headed to my bathroom to find some Pepto Bismal, or even a couple Tums. I'd hoped that I might find something by rummaging through drawers. No such luck.

I heaved a sigh of frustration and headed to the place I REALLY didn't want to go. Only in the most dire of situations do I ever visit the wasteland that my mother calls a bathroom.

Medicines, old deodorant, razor heads, dirty clothes, old bras, washcloths, broken toothbrushes, dirty towels, and empty tubes of toothpaste lay strewn across the tiny room. I grimaced at the smell, trying desperately to control my urge to puke my guts out.

"Dear God, please don't let me die in here."

I stepped in and begun searching as quickly and efficiently as I could. I threw trash toward the tub and left anything else right where it was. Every few minutes, I had to leave to breathe clean air, and I threw up several more times. Finally, I was getting near the end, and I saw it. I whooped with joy at the sight of the little pink discs. Then I put a hand up to my mouth, realizing my mistake. No time to run to my bathroom this time. I propped open the toilet lid and retched in it, wondering how there could possibly be anything left in my stomach.

Finally, I finished, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and snatching the Pepto Bismal from behind the toilet. It was in a box, not the box it came in, but a box for…

I dropped the box, heart pounding.

"Sam, stop. Don't be paranoid, it's nothing."

But it wasn't nothing. Was it?

"This is old and probably expired anyway. Probably empty anyway."

I retrieved the box from the ground and glanced inside again.

Not empty. The original contents of the box were right there beside the pink tablets.

I frowned and brought the entire box back to my bedroom, popping the Pepto Bismal in my mouth on the way. After a brief second of hesitation, I threw the box away and sat on my bed to wait for the medicine to work. But as my stomach churned, I knew I had to.

I picked the box back out of the trash and glared at it.

Almost an entire month. 29 days since the end.

It was never late. 18 days from the end until it started again. Always.

But not this time.

What if… ?

All the pieces fit together, but it didn't make sense.

Deciding that this was ridiculous and I ought to end it, I stood up determined. I took the box and the white object inside it with me.

…

The vomiting. The nausea. The egg McMuffins.

And my period was over a week late.

I wanted to be wrong so badly.

I wanted to see a single line on that pregnancy test.

The three minutes I waited were the longest in my life.

I knew. I knew even before I turned the test over and saw those two bold lines.

I was pregnant.

…

**Do you see why I've been so seriously excited about writing the story now? I really can't say anything about the plot right now, so just… review. Okay?**

**REVIEW!**

**Who knows, maybe I'll add in an extra chapter next Wednesday or Sunday or something.**


	31. Elderly

A Grieving Day in the Bathroom

…

_**Friday**_

…

Denial.

That was the first stage.

Immediately after taking the test, I threw the results away and took all our trash to the dumpster. Afgtterwards, I lay in bedand stared at the ceiling, the same sentence repeating over and over in my head like a broken record.

This isn't happening.

This isn't happening.

This isn't happening.

Any moment, I expected to wake from some horrible nightmare.

I got no sleep that night.

I was empty of anything except the steady repetition of words. Meaningless words.

Finally, somewhere around three in the morning, I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and ended up walking. Where I was headed, I didn't know, but somehow I ended up at our park.

It was dark and deserted, the way most things are that early in the morning. I leaned against a tree, thinking. That's the problem with solitude; you think too much.

The test was old. The results were a lie. I'm not pregnant.

My thoughts were an endless loop of denial.

I left the tree and sat on a bench, leaning my head into my hands.

This cannot be happening.

…

Anger.

I crunched my hands into fists and stood up.

This isn't fair. This shouldn't be happening.

I wished that I could see Max so I could punch him in the stomach.

Instead, a grim determination took hold of me and I stood, purposefully, to go to my next destination, the drugstore.

Once there, I made use of $25 that I'd "borrowed" from Gibby a few weeks ago and purchased nine individual pregnancy tests.

At home, I took each out, reading the instructions carefully and organizing them by time, the time it would take to get results.

I took the first test, the only 2-minute one, and filled a cup with sloshy yellow fluid for the rest.

Then I sat on the toilet seat and closed my eyes, waiting for the ding of the timer.

Several minutes passed and the timer rang out.

A cheerful pink plus sign smiled up at me like a vile calculus problem.

…

Bargaining.

I used the cup for the rest of the tests.

When the timer sounded, I reset the timer to go off in another minute and a half and checked the three minute tests.

Pink plus.

Two lines.

Positive.

Pregnant.

Please, I thought, if there's a God, make this not be true. I'll be nice to Gibby, I'll stop beating up football players, anything. Hell, I'll even go to church for a few negetives.

The timer dinged, and I turned over the next batch of tests one by one.

Plus.

Positive.

Pregnant.

I cried out helplessly, "What do you want from me?"

There was just one test left. It was supposed to be super accurate and took a surprising ten minutes to give results. Either of two areas would light up, "pregnant" or "not pregnant".

The timer buzzed once more, sooner than I wanted it to.

Trembling, I turned over the pink box.

Pregnant.

…

Depression.

I slumped over, defeated. Tears finally sprang from my eyes and I allowed it. I allowed myself to cry because there was nothing else.

Ten tests. I'd taken ten pregnancy tests and every single one of them was positive.

"What do I do now?"

…

Acceptance.

That was the end.

The last stage of grief. Grief not for a life lost, but for the loss of youthful innocence. That feeling that you are invincible, untouchable, that nothing can break you.

Gone. Forever.

The tears ceased, and rational thought returned. It was time to choose next steps. I had to take care of myself. So I googled it.

As I sat at my desk, Rabia leapt up into my lap, nuzzling my stomach and curling up.

Cats always know the right thing to say.

I decided shortly that I needed to see a doctor ASAP.

But how? What money did I have to pay for this? For any of it?

I groaned internally, knowing there was only one person who could help me right now.

I lifted Rabia off my lap, setting her on the bed gently so that I could retrieve my phone.

I dialed the numbers by heart and nearly smiled at the sound of Carly's voice when she answered.

"Sam! Hi!"

"Hey Carls."

"What's up?"

A knot formed in my throat. I'd already screwed up my life, was I really about to mess up my best friend's too? I couldn't do that.

"Nothing."

"So you feeling any better?"

"Huh?"

Wait… it was Friday. I'd missed two days of school. "Sick days".

"Oh, um… yeah. Much better."

"Cool! You should come over and we can have a sleepover. It's been forever since we hung out!"

She knew. She knew I was lying, that something was wrong. But it was Carly, she always knew. And it became clear that she would figure out what was bothering me sooner or later, so it was no use trying to hide it. I decided I'd rather her find out from me.

"Sound like fun… I can be there in like, 20 minutes."

"Awesome! See ya!"

I sighed, "Bye, Carls."

…

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	32. Fear

**This and the last chapter were originally together, but it ended up being too long, so now you get three chapters!**

…

A Daring Day of Truths

…

_**Friday**_

…

I arrived at the Shay's apartment 15 minutes later with a pair of PJs and a nervous swarm of flying guinea pigs in my stomach.

"SAM!"

Carly dashed towards me, preparing to tackle me to the ground.

Suddenly I was self-concious. What if she could tell? Was my belly bigger?

I didn't have much time to worry though, because Carly was soon suffocating me in a hug.

"Uh… hi. Can you let me go now?"

She released me and grinned.

"We've got to get started on our Girly Cow marathon! You are SO behind!"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face. Carly and I really hadn't spent much time together since we started dating. I kind of missed our girl time.

I knew the Girly Cow marathon would end eventually. Spencer would make spaghetti tacos, we'd have to put out the fire, and then Carly would drag me upstairs so she could find out what I was hiding. No matter how bad the secret was, she always supported me, and I couldn't ask for a better friend.

…

"Let's play Truth or Dare."

"Aw, Carls. You know that game never ends well."

"Come on! It's just the two of us, it'll be fine!"

This was the part of the night I'd been dreading. No matter how necessary it was, it would be hard telling Carly that I was… pregnant.

Taking a deep breath, I said, "Fine."

Carly clapped her hands together and grinned.

"YES! Okay, you go first."

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Typical Carly, picking truth.

"How far have you gone with Brad?"

Carly blushed and I raised my eyebrows.

"Not that far…"

"That's not an answer, Shay! I need details!"

Her blush deepened and she muttered quietly, "Almost to second base."

I laughed, "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"

"SAM!"

"Alright, alright. Your turn."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

This was a regular occurrence, just as it was for Carly to choose truth.

"I dare you to… lick Spencer's face!"

I held back a laugh and headed downstairs, Carly on my heels.

Spencer was washing dishes, so I snuck up behind him and yelled, "HEY SPENCE!"

He whirled around with soap all over his hands and I licked his cheek.

His forehead wrinkled as he glanced between me and Carly.

"If you're gonna play Truth or Dare without me, keep it away from my face."

Carly giggled and we trotted back upstairs.

"Dare!" She shouted as soon as we reached her room.

I raised my eyebrows. Carly must be especially suspicious. Usually, we continue our routine until she finally takes a dare and then I'll take truth.

"Okay, Carls. I dare you to let Spencer chaperone your next date with Brad."

"Oh no."

I grinned and said, "Dare."

I still wasn't ready to tell her everything. Not yet anyways.

"I dare you to take Freddie to Build-a-Bra and leave him stranded there for an hour.

I laughed, "That's a fantastic idea!"

She smiled.

"Truth or dare, Carls?"

"Dare."

"Again? Damn. Um… I dare you to lean out the window and tell people you're too expensive for them."

She giggled a little and walked over to the window.

"I'M TOO EXPENSIVE FOR ALL OF YOU!"

I chuckled while she jogged back over.

"Trith or dare?"

I swallowed, "Truth."

"Where did you and Freddie go last week?"

The question was a bit surprising. Carly either thought that was the problem or she was going easy on me for now.

"We went on a road trip. Portland, Lewiston, and then Salem."

"You went to California? Cool!"

She looked indecisive for a moment, then said boldly, "Dare."

"Insult Lewbert's mole. To his face."

Her eyes widened.

"But… but he'll evict us!"

I tutted, "Should've picked truth…"

"NO! I'll do it… Wait, I've got an idea."

Carly threw on sunglasses and a black hoodie, pulling it up to hide her head.

We went down to the lobby, where Lewbert appeared to be sleeping. I hid behind the doors to the stairwell to watch Carly.

She marched up to him and yelled, "YOUR MOLE IS SO UGLY, IT DESERVES ITS OWN PAPER BAG!"

Lewbert jerked awake and looked at The slim figure in front of him in confusion.

"YOUR MOLE IS SO GROSS, MY TOILET PLUNGER WOULDN'T EVEN WANT TO TOUCH IT!"

Lewbert's face turned purple and he opened his mouth to scream. I took that as my cue to go, and I was joined halfway up the staircase by a breathless Carly. We made it to the second floor and took the elevator from there.

Both of us were laughing, with the occasional, "I can't believe you made me do that!" from Carly.

We finally reached Carly's floor and made our way back to her bedroom, where we collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Finally, she spoke.

"Truth or dare?"

Could I?

No.

"Dare."

She looked disappointed.

"Okay… I dare you to watch Pretty Women with me."

"Damnit, Carly! Of all things…" I sighed.

"Truth or dare, Carls?"

She hesitated before answering, "Truth."

"What do you think of Max?"

It just came out. I didn't really have a reason for asking. I guess I just… wondered.

"Um… he's okay. I mean, he gets jealous pretty easy and is sort of a hothead sometimes."

I nodded.

"So, truth or dare?"

It was time.

"Truth."

Carly was quiet for a while, probably puzzling out the right words to say.

Finally, she just asked it.

"What's going on with you?"

This was it. The moment I was supposed to tell her everything.

And somehow, I did it.

"I'm not sick, Carly. I'm pregnant."

Saying the word out loud made it so much worse, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.

Carly had completely frozen.

"Carly?"

"Oh, God. You… you aren't kidding are you?"

I looked down.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I took ten tests, so I'm pretty sure. And it's not… it wasn't Freddie."

"Max", she breathed.

The lump in my throat made it impossible to speak, so I merely nodded.

"Oh, Sam."

She threw her arms around me and held me while tears wet my face.

When Carly pulled away, I could see that she'd been crying too. Concern was written on her face.

"You're really… pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Sam. I'm so sorry."

She hugged me again, and I was so thankful to have her with me for this.

"I need help", I murmured, "You know my family doesn't have any money. I know I shouldn't but…"

"Sam, it's okay. Spencer and I…" she trailed off.

"We have to tell Spencer."

I dropped my gaze.

"I know. It's going to be awful. I mean, he's like my dad. He'll be so disappointed in me…"

"It's gonna be okay, Sam."

"Can it wait till tomaorrow?"

"Sure. I bet you're exhausted."

I exhaled and closed my weary eyes.

"You have no idea."

…

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	33. Grave

**Feliz Navidad! Wait… it's June. Never mind then. **

**Happy Summer!**

…

A Mortifying Day in Apartment 8-C

…

_**Saturday**_

…

"Sam."

I frowned at Carly.

"Sam it's almost lunchtime. We should tell Spencer soon."

I sighed, "I know."

I sudden nausea swept over me and I dashed to the bathroom just in time.

Carly followed after me and lifted my hair away from my face so I could clean up. As an afterthought, she gathered my hair into a ponytail.

"Thanks", I croaked.

Carly smiled sympathetically and took my hand.

"You craving anything right now?"

I thought for a moment.

"Maybe some peanut butter."

"I could make you some PB&J", she offered.

I wrinkled my nose, "No. Maybe with honey instead of jelly…"

Carly nodded, "Sure. I can do that."

I grinned faintly, "That would be amazing! You're the best, Carls."

She shrugged, smiling.

"I know."

We headed down to the kitchen, where Spencer was rifling through the fridge.

"What'cha looking for Spence?" Carly asked.

"I can't find the Peppy Cola… CHUCK!"

Carly looked at Spencer in exasperation, "Spencer, there is not a psychotic child stealing your Peppy Cola. Sam drank it all."

I stuck my tongue out at Carly and Spencer glanced at me.

"Oh. I should've guessed that."

I grinned, but my smile faded quickly. A few days ago, I never could've imagined that I'd have to tell Spencer- or anyone, really- that I was pregnant. Now, I was having to do just that.

Mortification doesn't even begin to describe what I felt.

I pulled Carly aside and whispered frantically, "I don't think I can do this."

"Do you want me to tell him?"

"NO!" I'd accidently shouted it, and my gaze shot to Spencer, who was happily chewing away at a piece of beef jerky.

I turned back to Carly and, in a quieter voice, murmured, "Are you sure we have to tell him at all?"

Carly looked at me pointedly, as the answer to that question was obvious.

"But how am I supposed to bring it up?"

Carly shrugged, "I don't know. Just say it."

"I can't do that!" I whisper-shouted.

"Can't do what?" asked a curious Spencer.

"Nothing", I answered quickly.

He went back to his beef jerky and I felt a sharp jab in my back. Carly was giving me that LOOK.

"Damnit, Carly!"

I huffed and jogged up the stairs. After a brief moment, Carly followed.

I waited for her on a beanbag in the iCarly studio.

She joined me, plopping down on the yellow bag beside me with a sigh.

"Sam, you need to tell him. Like, immediately. Spencer's going to have to work on getting you insurance. You are eighteen, so it won't be that bad, but we have a lot to do before you can see a doctor."

"I know", I said with a sigh.

Carly looked at me inquisitively.

"What are you gonna tell the guys?"

"The guys?"

"You know, Freddie and Max."

My eyes widened in horror, "Oh shit. I… Can we just not tell them?"

"Uh, Sam… this is gonna start getting difficult to hide."

She gestured at my still-small stomach, and I knew she was right.

"Besides, Max is the d-"

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Carly frowned at me.

"Please Carly, I just can't handle that word. Or the B word. Especially the B word."

Carly shook her head, "Whether you want to hear it or not, Max is the f-"

"NO NO NO!"

"-of your b-"

"NONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO!"

"-and he deserves to know."

A heavy weight settled in my chest.

"Freddie is going to hate me."

"Freddie is NOT going to hate you. That boy loves you, Sam."

I remembered the night not so long ago when I heard him say those words, but shook it from my thoughts. Everything was different now.

"Not after this."

Carly sighed and got out of her beanbag, offering me her hand.

"Come on. I promise, even if everyone else gives up on you, I will ALWAYS be there for you."

I held in tears and took her hand gratefully. She pulled me to my feet, and I threw my arms around her thin frame, not knowing the words to tell her how thankful I was.

…

I decided to wait until after I'd eaten my peanut butter and honey sandwich to tell Spencer.

"Spencer?"

"Hm?"

Carly was seated in the stool next to mine, holding my hand encouragingly.

"Would you… will you… If I had a problem, would you help me?"

Spencer continued organizing junk. I figured it must be for his next sculpture.

"Of course! You're like another little sister or something."

"But what if it was really bad?"

Spencer turned around, forehead wrinkling.

"What's going on? Are you in trouble with the Feds again? 'Cause you know I did go to law school…"

"No, it's not that. It's… it's worse."

"Did you kill Gibby?"

"No."

"Nevel?"

"No."

"Jonah?"

"NO! I didn't kill anyone!"

"Oh. Then what's the problem?"

Carly squeezed my hand in encouragement.

"I'm-"

"OH NO!"

"I didn't even-"

"Carly, get the fire extinguisher!"

Then I saw the fire and I groaned. It was just like Spencer to do this. Always at the most inconvenient time, too.

Carly had already jumped up to retrieve the fire extinguisher. I watched as she attempted to put out the fire. It seemed to flare back up every time Spencer got too close. Finally, Carly ordered her brother to the couch so she could put out the fire. Once she'd managed it, she laughed.

"You set a Lego on fire?"

"That was a Lego?"

"Yeah, WAS. Now it's just a mound of melted plastic."

"Oh. Oops."

"Yeah, OOPS."

Carly frowned and Spencer stared at the ground.

"I'm pregnant", I said suddenly.

Spencer's head jerked up and he stared at me. Then, he started laughing.

"Very funny, Sam. Haha. No more prank wars, okay? I made a deal with Carly-"

"This isn't a joke, Spencer."

Carly looked at me and then at her brother, who looked confused.

She handed me the melted Lego and sat next to Spencer, putting a hand on his arm.

"She's not kidding, Spence. Sam needs our help."

Spencer's eyebrows came together, uncomprehendingly.

"You mean…" He stared at my belly "there's a b-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Carly and I shouted together.

He seemed confused again.

"How can she be pregnant?"

Carly and I were both silent, not really sure how to answer this.

"You mean she… she did… SAM!"

I studied my shoes.

"I thought you were smarter than this."

"I'm sorry, Spencer."

A tear dripped down my nose and landed on the wood floor.

"Spencer! You're making her cry!"

I heard Carly stand and make her way to me. Soon her comforting arms were around me.

"Carly, he's right. I'm such an idiot… how could I be so stupid?"

"It's not your fault, Sam."

"Then whose is it?"

Silence.

Then finally, "Max. This is Max's fault."

"Max?"

That came from Spencer.

"Max did this?" he asked again.

"Umm… sorta."

I glanced up to see Spencer's eyes burning with anger.

Holy hell. I'd never seen him like that. Except maybe with the whole Griffin thing.

"It's okay, Spencer!" Carly interjected before Spencer did something dumb.

His anger drained and he sat back down on the couch.

"Oh, Sam. What can I do to help you?"

I looked at him across the room and saw the concern in his eyes.

That moment, the moment I knew Spencer was going to take care of me, that was the moment I began to believe I might be okay.

…

**REVIEW!**

**What do you think Sam should tell "the guys"?**

**How do you think they will react?**

**8 REVIEWS = EXTRA CHAPTER ON WEDNESDAY**


	34. Humility

**So I got 7 reviews, but I decided to update anyway 'cause I love you guys. But you know, not in a weird way...**

...

An Embarrasing Day at the Doctor's Office

…

_**Monday**_

…

I'd avoided Freddie all weekend. It was hard not seeing him, but it was better than the alternative.

Despite the obvious upcoming time when my pregnancy would be obvious, I was determined to find a way for him not to know. There were times that I even considered abortion, but I knew it was expensive and the Shays would never pay for something like that.

I still couldn't face the B word.

"Sam! Hey Sam!"

I sped up.

"Sam! HEY!"

Freddie caught up with me and grabbed my arm.

"Hey, Sam. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

Not exactly a lie, except for the 'just' part.

"Oh, okay. Umm, you still have to go to detention."

Oh shit. I'd nearly forgotten about the month of detention Freddie and I were required to attend together. An hour a day, five days a week. How was I supposed to do that?

"I knew that. I was just… getting a pillow from my locker. I want to sleep through it."

"You're not going to play Fruit Ninja with me?"

A queasiness circled my belly and I struggled against it.

"Nope."

"Hangman?"

"No."

"Scrabble?"

"Hell no."

The nausea was getting worse, so I made as quick an exit as I could.

"Oops, I think I left my… PearPod in the bathroom. I'm gonna go get it- Later!"

Without a backward glance, I rushed into the bathroom and, well, you know.

Afterward, I did my best to wash out my mouth and then I went to detention.

…

"Where's your pillow?"

"I accidently left it at home, so I'll just use my backpack."

"Okay."

Freddie was a good boyfriend, staying next to me and being quiet, acting almost like a personal sound barrier. Still, I knew I could never sleep with him so close to me.

I pretended to be asleep for an hour. Freddie shook me halfway in when Mr. Howard came to check on us, but left me alone the rest of the time.

As soon as Mr. Howard announced the end of detention, I dashed out like a caffeinated rabbit.

"Woah, woah! Sam! What's the rush?"

I racked my brain for a suitable excuse.

"Project in anatomy… I have to do it or I'll fail the class. You can be damn sure I'm not taking that again."

"Need any help?"

"Nope, I'm good. My mom's dating a medical person so I'm gonna get him to do it."

"Uh… okay."

"BYE!"

And with that, I ran out of Ridgeway as fast as my legs would carry me.

…

_**Tuesday**_

…

"Samantha Puckett?"

I stood up, hands quivering slightly. I jammed them into my hands to make them stop.

This was it. The dreaded doctor appointment.

Spencer got me insurance so I could go and he made the appointment. He even went by beforehand so we could fill out the paperwork together, knowing I had no idea what most of the questions were asking. He absolutely refused to go to the actual appointment with me. Carly offered to come, but I declined. My nerves were bad enough.

I shuffled over to the nurse and nodded shyly, handing her the questionnaire I'd already filled out.

She led me down the hallway, stopping to check my height and weight, and into a small yellow room. I avoided looking at the walls, knowing full well that they'd be covered with pictures of IT. The B word.

"So why are you here today, Sam?"

I stared at the nurse.

"Um, I'm pregnant?"

She wrote something down on a notepad.

"And when did you begin to suspect that you were pregnant?"

"Last… Thursday, I think."

"Signs and symptoms?"

"I'm puking all the time. My period is like, two weeks late now. I'm super tired and don't love all food any more."

She marked that down.

"I see. And did you take any pharmacy-level pregnancy tests?"

"Ten. All of them were positive."

Her eyebrows raised just slightly and she scribbled that on the notepad as well.

"Do you know when you might have conceived?"

Oh, hell. I had to go back to that night. That horrible, awful night. When was it?

Prom night. It happened on Prom night.

"Three weeks ago on a Friday", before she could ask, I added, "And I'm positive I…conceived that night."

She nodded.

"Alright then. We'll have to take a blood test just to confirm your pregnancy. Is that okay?"

I shrugged.

"Whatever."

She left the room for a moment, returning with a swab, a needle, vials, and some other blood-taking equipment I hated.

Damn doctors.

She tied an elastic thing around my left arm and wiped it down with the swab. Then she inserted the needle and sucked out my lifeblood.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

"The doctor will be with you in a moment to give you your results."

"Okay."

I already knew what they would be. Ten tests don't lie, and I'm not stupid.

A while later, a short woman with mousy brown hair came in with an official looking clipboard.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Clary. Samantha, right?"

"Sam. I beat up the people who call me Samantha."

She laughed.

"Sam, then. I'll be your doctor for the next year or so. Your results were positive, by the way. Congratulations."

I tried to fake a smile, but failed miserably.

"It's not really a planned event."

"That's okay. Plenty of people don't plan this kind of thing. Whatever you plan to do at the end of nine months, I'll be there taking care of you, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'd like to talk about nutrition really quick if that's alright."

"Sure."

Why do these people always want to know if something will be okay? This situation is not okay, so why would anything pertaining to it be okay?

Dr. Clary spent about five minutes reminding me to eat healthy. She almost said the B word, and I let her know that I really didn't want to hear that word. After that, she started using the word "fetus", which was almost worse.

She also reassured me that it was okay to eat junk food, as long as I don't eat too much, and warned against the dangers of any drugs, even stuff like Tylenol.

Then she said, "Now it would be good to do a pelvic exam to make sure you're all good down there."

I soon found out that by 'pelvic exam' she meant poking around my nether regions. Not cool.

She left the room so I could change into a gown. Not that it was any good, since she was about to break some major privacy rules.

All I'll say about that experience is that I never ever want to do it again.

When it was finally over and my head was nearly purple in embarrassment, Dr. Clary asked if I wanted to do an ultrasound.

"An ultrasound? Will we even see anything?"

"Since you're about three and a half weeks in, we'll be able to see a round sac in your uterus. More importantly, we can ascertain whether there are any problems with your uterus that might cause difficulty later on."

"Umm… okay. Sure, we can do that."

"Fantastic! I'll let the technician know and you can change back into your clothes."

I changed and waited for almost twenty minutes before a middle aged man knocked on the door and took me to the ultrasound room.

He had me pull my pants down a little and roll my shirt up. It was weird seeing my belly, knowing that there was… SOMETHING growing inside.

"Oh, geez!"

That gel is really frickin' cold. They aren't kidding when they say it's like ice, it really is.

The picture was grainy and everything, and I couldn't make head or tail out of any of it.

"Where is it?"

The tech guy touched a dark oval in the grey mass that swallowed the frame.

"That's it? That black… thing?"

He nodded.

"Huh. Weird."

The guy looked around for a while longer, taking pictures of the screen every once in a while with a digital camera.

Finally, he handed me a towel to clean off the gel and told me I could go home.

"Thank God."

I wiped the stuff off as best I could and left the way I came. When I went by the reception desk, the lady called me back over.

"Yea?"

"We'd like to make another appointment in four weeks to check in, see how you're doing."

"Okay."

She looked at me for a while and I realized she wanted me to suggest a date and time.

"Oh, any time's fine. Well, I have school until three and detention 'till four, so anytime past four-thirty is cool. And my weekends are free."

She looked at her screen for a moment and then turned it so I could see a time and date.

"Sure, that's fine."

She smiled and printed me a reminder. She handed to me along with two sheets of paper showing the little bubble they found in my ultrasound.

"I don't want these."

The lady shrugged and told me I could throw them away if I wanted. I texted Carly to come get me and stopped by the trash can to dump my pictures.

Before I threw them away, I tore one of the small pictures off. I wasn't really sure why, I just couldn't get rid of all of them.

I sat on the curb outside and looked at the picture.

A bubble. It was just a bubble.

…

**How long do you think Sam will avoid "the B word"?**

**8 MORE REVIEWS= EXTRA CHAPTER ****EVERY SINGLE WEDNESDAY**** FOR THE REST OF SUMMER**


	35. Idle

**So I got 7 reviews again… no extra chapter every Wednesday. **

**Instead, I'll put an ****extra chapter every other Wednesday****, just ****until August****. **

**So no extra this Wednesday, but next Sunday there will be a chapter and the following Wednesday there will be a bonus. This works well anyways, because I'm with relatives for the next week and a half and won't have much time to write.**

…

A Mashy Day in Detention

…

_**Thursday**_

…

I shambled down the hallway, dreading what I knew was coming.

Detention.

Never before had I feared that room so much. Everything was different.

Frankly, I was scared. I knew how I felt about Freddie. I wasn't sure I could recover if he didn't feel the same about me. A part of me was certain that if Freddie didn't truly love me, he would leave me as soon as he knew. And that was not a risk I wanted to take.

So I went to detention with a heavy heart. I'd ditched detention the day before, not quite ready to face him again.

But then, I was never ready.

"Hey, Sam! I haven't seen you in forever!"

I stilled my nerves and managed a smile.

"Hi Freddie. Long time no see huh?"

He grinned and took my hand and I forced myself not to let go of his hand.

Don't be weird, don't be weird. It's just Freddie.

Just Freddie?

"Crap. I left my Pearpad at home… no Fruit Ninja today."

"Damn."

"How about Extreme MASH?"

"Extreme what?"

"You know, that fortune-telling game. MASH."

"Oh. Yeah I think I remember Carly doing that a few times. What's with the extreme part?"

"You could also live in a trailer, outhouse, garage, or igloo. And you put down 6 choices for each category instead of 4."

I stifled a laugh.

"That's not really extreme."

Freddie shrugged.

"So you wanna play?"

"Sure, why not?"

He set up the six categories: home, car, job, spouse, spouse's job, and kids

We put down three options on our list and three on the other person's.

_Sam-_

_M/A/S/H/T/O/G/I_

_VEHICLE:_

_Volvo/Semi/Mini Cooper/Minivan/PT Cruiser _

_JOB:_

_Food Critic/Chef/Truck Driver/Babysitter/Taxidermist/Banker _

_HUSBAND:_

_Freddie/Carly/Nobody/Gibby/Spencer/Nevel_

_KIDS:_

_1/ None/2/18/6/7_

_HUBBY JOB:_

_Doctor/Lawyer/President of FatCakes Inc./Unemployed/Teacher/Janitor_

Freddie laughed when he saw Carly's name on the Spouse list.

"What? It's legal! Better her than a stranger."

_Freddie-_

_M/A/S/H/T/O/G/I _

_VEHICLE:_

_Sportscar/Ferrari/Suburban/Dumptruck/None/Bike _

_JOB:_

_President of PEAR/Web Designer/Inventor/Pickle Taster/Fry Cook/Waiter _

_WIFE:_

_Sam/Sam/Sam/Carly/Mrs. Briggs/Missy_

_KIDS:_

_4/3/5/None/Too Many to Count_

_WIFE JOB:_

_Teacher/Model/Veterinarian/Bag Lady/MMA Fighter/Hooker_

I rolled my eyes upon seeing Freddie's choices for his spouse.

"You can't put the same person three times!"

"I can do what I want."

I had him mark lines for me. I got 11.

Then I marked lines for him and got 7.

I went through his list and marked off every seventh one until there was just one left in each category. I looked up to see Freddie already finished.

"Me first!" He yelled.

"Okay… you live in a mansion…"

Freddie smiled.

"with your 4 kids... and you drive a Ferrari to work as President of PEAR…"

Freddie whooped.

"Your wife works as a teacher and her name is… Francine Briggs!"

Freddie's eyes widened in horror.

"I have kids with Ms. Briggs?"

"Yup."

"Oh HELL no."

I laughed.

"My turn!"

Freddie cleared his throat, "You live in an apartment with two kids. You drive a Volvo and work as a taxidermist-"

"I mummify dead stuff?"

"Uh huh."

I thought for a moment.

"Cool!"

He continued, "and you have an imaginary lawyer husband."

"What?"

He showed me the paper, where 'nobody' was circled in my list of spouses and 'lawyer' was circled as his job.

"Oh. That's fantastic."

By then, detention was almost over. Mr. Howard had not come in halfway through, and I shuddered to think of the possible reasons why.

Freddie offered to walk me home and I almost accepted, but then I remembered.

I'm pregnant.

I had pregnancy pills in my bathroom and all sorts of books I'd probably never read on what to expect. If Freddie were to see one of them…

"Thanks but no thanks Fredwarp. Mama needs some money, and that means waking the beast that is my mother."

Freddie cocked an eyebrow.

"Isn't she the one that told me not to get you pregnant the first time we met?"

PANG.

I felt like I'd gotten socked in the gut.

"Yeah. We were like ten when she said that."

She had said it to Max too. That and she threw a plate at him.

Obviously, that didn't work.

"I remember. I think you gave me a wedgie soon after."

"Yeah. It was fun. I miss those days."

"Why?"

Because this never would have happened. Because it wouldn't hurt so damn much every time I see your brown eyes and remember that you'll hate me as soon as you find out.

"Because you were a better sparring partner than Gibby."

"I can still be your sparring partner, you know."

"It's not the same."

…

**Sorry, it's kind of a filler chapter. I promise that the next one will be really good, okay? **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**More Reviews = Happier Me = Better Chapters = Happier You**

**So basically, if you take thirty seconds to review, everybody's happy!**


	36. Joined

**So I got tired of my old chapter names (A _ Day in _) and decided it was time to do something new. From here on out, I'm doing single word chapter titles that start with letters going alphabetically. I'll include definitions that may hint into the chapter's contents. I will also be changing the titles of all the other chapters, which is why we're on letter J. **

…

Joined 

(past tense verb)

connected or brought together

EX: "The couple was _joined_ by their unending love for each other."

…

_**Wednesday**_

…

I shuffled through classes. I did my best to pay attention, but somehow Pre-Calculus and Creative Writing seemed even less important than usual. I had bigger problems that were worth more than a grade.

Freddie had begun talking rapidly about his acceptance into MIT. I had honestly forgotten about the fact that it was senior year. I had absolutely zero plans for the future. I mean, what college would accept me? I barely made it through high school. Not that I wanted to take four more years of anything.

Freddie had also decided to defer college a year, much to everyone's surprise. He said it was because he still wasn't sure of a major, but I knew it was a lie.

Freddie was staying for me.

I knew it and so did he, but he stubbornly stuck to his story. He also mentioned that he could help me choose a career path, which was proof enough that Freddie was putting off his future to help me choose a direction for mine.

I hated that.

I hated that he would do that for me, especially when I wasn't being 100 percent honest with him about my situation. I hated that I couldn't change his mind. I hated that he would be there when my stomach swelled like a balloon, and when the due date came. I hated that I couldn't hide this from him.

I hated those eyes that melted me. Those damn brown eyes that made me feel safe when my brain told me I wasn't.

I hated the fact that I couldn't hate him. I loved him. I loved him too much to let him go.

But the fact that I was tying him down like this showed how meaningless that love was. I still didn't love him enough to let him go.

…

Detention was uncomfortable. More so than usual.

See, there had always been at least four people in detention: Me, Freddie, Max, and Ripoff Rodney.

On Wednesday, Ripoff Rodney wasn't in detention. He hadn't been in school all day, so he was either ditching everything or he was legitimately sick.

The consequence was being stuck in a room with the two people I least wanted to be around.

Freddie, who I loved and had to let go of.

Max, who had put life into me and ruined everything.

And neither of them knew.

Freddie brought the PearPad and we played Fruit Ninja like usual, but I could feel Max's gaze on me the whole time. It was maddening, and I left for the bathrooms after Mr. Howard's usual mid-way check.

Inside, I splashed some water on my face. I looked dead. That wasn't surprising, since the last night of decent sleep I had was nearly two weeks ago.

I pulled my shirt up and turned sideways. There was a small bump there. I'd noticed its slow progression a while back and had resorted to wearing somewhat baggy shirts. That morning, I'd noticed a slight tightness in the waist of my pants. I was gonna start needing new clothes.

I turned the sink back on and took a drink of the tap. I found that water kept the nausea away for much of the day. The morning sickness had receded mostly to really early morning, but it was still vicious.

I walked out of the bathroom feeling somewhat refreshed, but then I ran into Max.

He put his hands out to stop me from falling on my face, but I panicked, thinking about my bump, and shoved him away. I ended up on my ass, feeling a little stupid.

Max frowned down at me and offered a hand tentatively.

"You okay?"

I hesitated, but took his hand and let him help me up.

"I'm fine."

"Listen, Sam… we haven't talked since the hallway incident. And I realize that I might be making you uncomfortable, but I really think…"

I waited for him to finish his sentence, but it didn't happen. Max's green eyes were filled with nerves, and he was shifting back and forth.

"You think what, Max? Seriously, I don't have all day."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper.

I had a very bad feeling about this.

Meekly, he handed it to me.

"You dropped this yesterday."

Fuck.

It was my picture. The one from the ultrasound. My name was on it, and I knew Max would recognize the little bubble as… the B word. His mom was a secretary at a gynecologist's office and his dad delivered them for a living.

"I can explain…"

But we both knew I couldn't. The proof was right there in black and white. There was nothing to say.

"You should've told me."

Max looked conflicted. He seemed a little hurt, but mostly frustrated and even mad.

I hated him. I hated the situation he put me in. I hated all of this.

One time. One fucking time, and I got knocked up. I wondered if that was some sort of cosmic joke. Like, 'Ha ha, screw you! I bet you won't cheat on your boyfriend NOW will you?'

"Why? Why should I have told you Max? Because I don't think this has anything to do with you."

He gaped at me.

"This has EVERYTHING to do with me, Sam. Don't pretend like this is something you can brush under the carpet when we both know something has to be done."

"Like WHAT? What decision do you think I need your help with?"

"What are we supposed to do with it? I don't think we're fit parents."

That really got me.

"Really? What makes you think I couldn't be a good mom if I wanted to?"

I flinched. MOM.

"I'm just saying… Sam we can't keep it."

"What are we supposed to do? Abortion?"

I saw something flicker in Max's eyes, and I stared at him in horror.

"Holy fucking shit. Is THAT what you want? You want me to… ABORTION?"

"Maybe…"

He bounced back and forth between his feet, "I don't know, okay? I just really think we need to talk about all this."

"WHY? You keep acting like this is your problem. Well guess what? It isn't your problem. You can go off scot-free on your merry way. You have NO PART in my decisions about this."

Max's face reddened in anger.

"I HAVE A RIGHT!"

"YOU DO NOT! THIS IS MY DECISION! I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!

He glared at me, dropping any mask of caring.

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT! I AM THE FATHER OF THAT BABY!"

The B word.

I felt faint, almost ready to fall over.

"Sam?"

No. No, this cannot be happening. Not now. No.

"Sam, is that true?"

Even Max looked uncomfortable. The anger had drained from his face, and he was looking over my shoulder at the only other person that could've heard our argument.

I turned around slowly, fighting panic.

"Freddie, I-"

"IS IT TRUE?"

Freddie looked pained, and I couldn't bear to see him that way. I turned my eyes away.

"Freddie, listen. I want-"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Ouch. I don't think I've ever felt so… guilty.

"It's not like I wasn't gonna keep it a secret, Freddie. I was just scared…"

I heard a choked sob coming from his direction and jerked my head up. He didn't look like he was crying. He didn't really look mad, either. Just… empty. Numb.

I'd have rather had him mad at me.

"Freddie, please. I'm… I'm sorry."

"It's done."

"I'm sorry…"

"No, Sam. I mean WE'RE done. It's over."

My heart thumped wildly in my chest.

"No. Freddie! Wait, please! Don't… don't…"

He was walking away, leaving me.

"I wish you the best, Samantha Puckett. But I don't want to see you anymore."

Tears pricked at my eyes, and I knew I couldn't stop them. As the first of them rolled down my cheek, I choked out, "Why?"

Freddie turned to me, all emotion gone from his face. His eyes, once so beautiful and full of happiness, were now an empty void.

"You don't trust me. I loved you, but you never saw me that way. You couldn't trust me with your love."

I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I loved him and I was just afraid that he'd… I don't know. But he was right. I hadn't trusted him enough. I hadn't loved him enough.

I felt a horrible ripping in my chest as I watched him leave.

Broken. The bond between us was damaged beyond repair.

I supposed that was better for him. He needed to go live his dreams. I'd been holding him back.

What if I was doing that to Max? I didn't love him, but I didn't want to screw up his life. He didn't want this any more than I did. I needed to set him free. My life was changed forever, but his didn't have to be. Even if he was the… father, there was nothing he could do to help me. Not really.

I turned to Max, not even bothering to wipe my eyes. He looked intensely guilty. He hadn't meant for Freddie to find out like that. Somehow, his concern made me feel better about letting him go. He deserved an amazing girl. One that could love him.

"Max, I tried to tell you. This isn't your problem. It's… it's Freddie's."

"You mean Freddie… Freddie's the dad?"

I winced at the last word, but continued, regardless.

"Yeah. He didn't know. Umm… I'm sorry. That you worried like that. You can go."

Max looked a little dazed, "How could you tell?"

"Uh… the doc told me how far along I was and I figured it out from there. I'm only four weeks along."

Lie. I was five weeks in and looked like I'd eaten too much at a buffet.

"Oh."

His expression was a mixture of relief and pity.

"Max, it's okay. Don't worry about me. Just go and… live. Just go out and live for both of us, okay? I'll be fine."

He sighed and walked over.

"Sam, I'm sorry about all this. I wish there was something I could do…"

There wasn't. Nobody could help me now.

"Call me if you ever need someone. I'll be there if you need me."

He hugged me lightly and I let myself hug him back. I needed a hug.

I wasn't joined to either of them any longer. I'd cut them free, but stabbed myself in the process. And I was bleeding pretty badly.

He let go and went back into the detention room. He knew I wasn't going back.

I shambled off in the general direction of home.

Baby.

Baby.

Baby.

Baby.

I was having a baby.

Alone.

…

**Poor Sam. She's lost two of the guys she needs the most. At least the Shays will still be there. **

**Stay tuned. ****There will be an extra chapter this Wednesday****!**

**REVIEW!**

**Tell me: **

**What do you think Sam will do now that she's faced the B word? **

**How will she handle detention with Freddie now?**

**Also:**

**Sneak Peek at Chapter 37: ****Kind**

_**I passed Freddie in the hallway before detention. He moved past me, eyes turned away, careful not to look at me.**_

_**I'd caught a glimpse of his face earlier in the day, and knew he still wore the same vacant expression as the night before. What was behind that blank stare? Anger? Resentment? Was he just in shock?**_


	37. Kind

**I'm so sorry I didn't update on Wednesday! I'm on vacation with my family in California. We're RVing and so I have crappy internet, so I just decided to do what I could and post two chapters today. Sorry, and I hope you enjoy chapters 37 and 38!**

…

Kind

(adjective)

Good-hearted or understanding

EX: The boy was _kind_ toward the embarrassed girl.

…

_**Thursday**_

…

I passed Freddie in the hallway before detention. He moved past me, eyes turned away, careful not to look at me. It hurt, but I should've expected that. He was just as hurt as I was. I found myself wondering what I would see if I could see into Freddie's thoughts. I'd caught a glimpse of his face earlier in the day, and knew he still wore the same vacant expression as the night before. What was behind that blank stare? Anger? Resentment? Was he just in shock?

I hadn't told Carly anything yet. Freddie had stayed away from us during most of the day, and she probably attributed my moodiness to hormones. I would hate telling her the events of the previous night, but I knew her well enough that I could usually predict her reaction. Most likely she'd scold me for lying to Max, then offer ice cream and Girly Cow to drown out the pain.

I wondered what detention would be like now that I'd been discovered. I hoped Ripoff Rodney would be there. As nasty as he was, I'd rather haggle with him than watch Freddie avoid my gaze.

I trumped over to the bathrooms as a wave of nausea swept over me. Fortunately, I kept from actually throwing up by breathing really slow and drinking icy water from the fountain. After that, I plucked up a dab of courage and went into Mr. Howard's classroom for detention.

Max was inside staring out the window. I wondered how he felt. I mean, he didn't have anything to do with this. Or at least, that's what I told him. But either way, he knew something extremely personal that he probably shouldn't, and he'd hurt two people pretty bad. Was he guilty? Maybe. But no matter what he felt, at least he wasn't weighed down by the actual truth.

Freddie was on the other side of the room. He was focusing in on some book. His brow was furrowed as he read, and I almost smiled. That look was familiar to me; it was one he had often worn when I tried to explain my thought processing to him. Really, anything was better than the mask of unfeeling he'd been wearing. That expression was completely foreign to me. It scared me.

Ripoff Rodney was nowhere to be scene.

I sighed. Normally…

No, not 'normally'. There was nothing normal about that situation.

I wanted to leave, to run from my problems like I did all too often. But I was determined to make it through the next 7 hours of detention, one day at a time.

I glanced toward Max and slowly made my way over.

"Hey Max?"

He glanced up, and seemed somewhat confused to see me.

"Sam? I thought for sure you'd be at home today…"

He trailed off as some random student wandered in and plopped down in a back corner, most likely with intent to nap for a while.

I shrugged, acting nonchalant "I can't miss any more school."

"That makes sense."

He glanced at me and leaned toward my ear.

"Not to sound rude or anything, but what do you want? I thought I was the last person you'd want to talk to."

My eyes wandered to the other side of the room where Freddie sat with his book.

"No. Not really."

He saw where I was looking and nodded, understanding.

"I see."

"You aren't going to tell anyone, are you?" I said in a hushed voice.

Max looked taken aback.

"No, of course not!" He glanced in Freddie's direction and quieted his voice, "I'd never do that. I respect your privacy."

I glanced over at Freddie again, who suddenly jerked up and glared in our direction.

"I'm still here, guys! Stop walking on eggshells. GOD!"

He left then, and I was rather surprised. Fredward Benson is not the type to skip detention, regardless of the reason.

He must be really mad.

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

"I hope… I wish you luck, Sammy. With all of this. You didn't deserve any of it."

I did. I had cheated and lied. I had been horrible to the people who loved me most, and this was my punishment.

"Thanks, Max. Hey, do you think you could get me some books or something? I need to do some research… I'm a little underprepared."

He smiled faintly.

"I've got some books I can give you. I'll bring them tomorrow."

With a glance at the sleeping kid in the corner, he added, "In a not-conspicuous paper sack."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

"No, really. Thank you. I'm really sorry you got mixed up in this. I promise, I won't bother you any more."

"No matter. We've only got, like, two weeks of school left. I leave for college a week after school ends."

My eyes widened.

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope. I got accepted into Brown, but only if I start now."

"Rhode Island? Wow. Congratulations!"

He smiled, the first real smile I'd seen in a while.

"I know. I've been dreaming about that school forever. I'm so excited, and my family is proud as a peacock."

I laughed lightly, which made Max's smile widen slightly.

"What'cha gonna study?"

Max and I had never really talked about the future together. I had always wondered what his goals were, though.

"Music and Architecture."

"Wow. Double major."

He shrugged, "I'm an overachiever."

I grinned, and decided that maybe detention wouldn't be so bad after all. I was convinced once again that Max deserved somebody amazing. He was a fantastic guy. He was funny and entertaining, but he knew how to be serious. After all the crap the two of us went through together, I couldn't stand the thought off all his dreams wasting away, of him being miserable.

It was also nice knowing that he wouldn't be there when I started looking really big. Because frankly, I didn't want anyone to see me like that.

I found myself wondering whether Freddie would still defer college a year. Was there enough time to change that, or would he be here while I…

Yikes. I hoped he could change his plans. Otherwise, I might have to go on a little "vacation" during the summer.

Max and I chatted about his college plans and my lack of said plans.

"You really don't have any future goals? None?"

"Nope. But then, there are some bigger problems right now, if you know what I mean."

He nodded, "Yeah, but you should still have some kind of plan. I mean, you're gonna need a job at some point. Isn't there anything you're passionate about?"

"Food."

"Food?"

"FatCakes. And meat."

"Right. Well, maybe you could be a cook. Or a food taster. Or… I don't know. I taste tester for FatCakes Incorporated."

I perked up, "That's a thing?"

"I don't know, maybe. But you should figure out stuff. Hospital visits aren't exactly cheap. And so are babies."

I jerked back. That word still got to me. Baby.

"Are you okay?"

"It's just… that word. 'Baby'."

I tensed as I said it, but pushed on.

"Somehow, it's hard for me. I screamed at Carly when she said it after I first told her. I just couldn't handle it. 'Mom' and 'dad' are tough too, but not as bad as they used to be."

"Really? Why do you think words like that are difficult?"

I shrugged, "It's like, I'm still in denial. I didn't want to believe that there was a… a baby, you know, growing inside me. I never really wanted to be a mom. And my dad…

"It's just hard, thinking about the fact that I might have to take care of another human being. I can't even take care of myself."

"You don't have to…"

"Abortion isn't an option."

He raised an eyebrow, "I never said-"

"You did. Last night. And it's not like I never thought about it, I just don't have the money. And, you know, it's murder."

Max sighed.

"I didn't really mean it last night. I would've never gone through with it. I was just… scared. I mean, I just started emailing the guy that will be my roommate at Brown, and I've got plans. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was-"

"No harm done."

I didn't need to hear a speech. I knew why he had been scared, and I understood, because I was scared too. All the reasons he had for being afraid were all the reasons I lied to him. Protected him. Freed him.

"Anyways, I meant that you could try adoption."

"Oh."

How had I not thought of that?

"But even if you want to keep the kid, I think you'd be a good mom."

"Thanks."

"If you ever have a question, you can call me. You aren't alone."

I smiled at him in immense gratitude.

"Thank you. You can't imagine how much that helps."

Before he could respond, we heard a loud yawning from the corner of the room, where the guy had been sleeping. Whoops, I guess we forgot about that.

Fortunately, he was just waking up.

He groggily asked, "What are you all starin' at?"

I glanced at Max, and found him looking back at me with a relieved and somewhat amused expression.

"We were watching the tarantula on your head", he shouted over to the boy.

He jumped up, suddenly VERY awake, and began swatting at his head crazily.

"Where is it?! Where is it?! DID I GET IT?"

I stifled a laugh and Max answered, "Yeah, I think you got it."

The boy stopped and took a look at our barely contained laughter.

"There was never a spider on my head was there?"

"Nope."

Mr. Howard walked in right then and dismissed us.

Max walked me home, and helped me from falling down while I was laughing.

Thank God for friends.

…

**Will Sam and Max get back together?**

**Will Max find out the truth?**

**What will Sam do about the baby?**

**WHERE IS THE SEDDIE LOVE?**

**Review, and all these questions will be answered.**

**You know, in later chapters.**

**REVIEW!**


	38. Loyalty

Loyalty

(noun)

Faithfulness or dependability

EX: The girl's _loyalty_ to her friend was immeasurable.

…

_**Friday**_

…

Carly is probably the best friend a girl can get. She has always been there for me, and I knew that she would never abandon me. However, I also knew that it was not good to get on the girl's bad side. The school day had passed somewhat uneventfully. There was only a week left, so a lot of kids were buried in books as they studied for finals. But Carly had still noticed my withdrawal. She would figure out I wasn't telling her something soon. It's not as if I was keeping the events of Wednesday a secret. There just hadn't been a great opportunity to tell her.

When I got home from school, I flipped on a movie. I picked the least romantic movie I owned, which happened to be a slasher film. Rabia watched with me, which pulled a smile out because it reminded me of Frothy.

I fell asleep at some point near the end and woke up near dinnertime. It occurred to me that I could go over to Carly's and eat dinner there. In fact, I could spend the night there and use the opportunity to tell Carly the events of Wednesday.

I punched in her number, which, I decided, should really have its own speed dial.

"Hi Sam!"

"Hey Carls. So I decided that I'm gonna spend the night tonight and I wanted to let you know so that you can get Spencer to cook something."

Not a question. I didn't need to ask Carly's permission to spend the night. Especially now, with everything that was going on. She made me promise to call though, so that she could get stuff ready, or at least unlock the door. Spencer was not happy about replacing the door last time I broke in.

"Great idea! Spencer is making fried chicken right now, how does that sound?"

I was almost drooling at the thought.

"Delicious! I'll be there in ten!"

…

Dinner, I must say, was fantastic. Spencer made extra crispy fried chicken- extra crispy because he'd accidently set it on fire- and fluffy mashed potatoes with rich gravy.

It was quiet though. Spencer wanted to help me, but he was having trouble dealing with the fact that I was pregnant. He seemed unsure of what to say, so he told us to have fun- but not too much fun- and excused himself early.

After he left and Carly and I had finished our dinner, I pulled Carly upstairs to tell her what was going on.

"So what's up?"

"They know."

I said it matter-of-factly, trying to keep the distress out of my voice.

Carly seemed to know what I meant, but she asked anyway.

"Who knows? What do they know?"

"Max. And… Freddie. They found out that I'm, you know, pregnant."

"Found out?"

"The ultrasound picture fell out of my backpack and Max found it. He was yelling at me during detention and Freddie heard and…"

My voice was trembling and I had to stop to keep myself from tearing up.

"I'm sorry, Sam."

She looked at me, the question written clearly, but she didn't give volume to it for another few minutes.

"How are they… adjusting?"

I struggled to find words.

"I lied to Max. I told him that Freddie is the… the father."

Carly looked at me in disappointment, and I rushed to explain myself.

"Well, he's on his way to an Ivy League college on the other side of the country and he's double majoring and he's got a future and-"

My body betrayed me and I broke off into sobs.

Carly rubbed my back until the tears tapered off.

"I just didn't want to ruin his life. I didn't want to burden him with this."

Carly grabbed my hand and nodded.

"I understand. I still think he should know, but I understand why you did what you did."

"Thank you."

"What about Freddie?"

My heart drooped and I let my gaze slip to the floor.

"I don't think he'll ever speak to me again."

"What? WHY?"

"He… he thinks I didn't tell him because I couldn't trust him. It's over for us."

I allowed myself a glance at Carly. She seemed uncharacteristically angry.

"He broke up with you because he thought you couldn't TRUST him? Did he even give you a chance to explain? That… that sku-"

"Carly, don't. Please. He was right about me. I should've trusted him to be there for me."

"Sam…"

"PLEASE! Carly, I really don't want to talk about it. I can't. Can we just watch some Girly Cow or something?"

Carly managed to wipe the anger from her face and display a small smile.

"Sure, Sam."

…

_**Saturday**_

…

I woke up to the smell of bacon frying and immediately felt nauseous.

Morning sickness really sucks.

I dashed to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet, feeling incredibly disgusting. After that, I wiped my mouth off and swished some mouthwash around to get rid of the taste.

I wandered out into the iCarly studio so I wouldn't wake Carly up.

I glanced around the room. We were supposed to do a show that day. I'd managed to get through the last few iCarly web shows and rehearsals, but now? I doubted that Freddie would even come. And if he did, I didn't think I could stay.

"Sam? What are you doing?"

What would happen when I couldn't hide my pregnant belly any more? Would I have to stop doing the show? I couldn't let the whole see me this way.

"Sam! SA-AM!"

Carly was waving a hand in front of my face.

"Are you okay?"

"What are we gonna do about iCarly?"

Carly stared at me in puzzlement.

"What do you mean? We'll just… oh. Freddie."

She collapsed into a beanbag chair and frowned.

"I guess we'll just have to make do."

"I don't think I can be around him and act all carefree for the cameras. Plus, that's not our only problem."

"What do you mean?"

In answer, I put a hand on my belly.

"How long do you think I can hide this?"

"Well you've still got a while…"

"I'm almost two months along. And I'm already showing."

I pulled my pajama shirt up slightly and touched the small, swollen bump gingerly.

"Wow. I didn't realize…"

"What are people going to think of me? All the kids at school… they'll gossip and tell stories about what a whore I am."

I held back a sob. I'd done way too much crying in the past month.

"Since when do you care about what other people think about you? You can just beat the crud out of them and they'll shut up."

"But what if they're right?"

"You are NOT a slut! Far from it."

She poked a finger at me, "DO NOT go soft on me, Sam."

I smiled slightly.

"Tell you what, we'll go shopping. We'll get some new clothes for you and stuff. We won't be doing iCarly for much longer, not after I leave for college. We can tell viewers you're on a trip somewhere or something once we can't hide it any more. Trust me, everything's gonna be okay."

…

We went to a shopping center in town. Not really a mall, but kind of like that. There was a circle of various department stores that sold reasonably cheapo clothing. Our first stop was Target.

Despite its reputation as a low grade store, Target has a nice array of clothing. The best is their maternity section. Most of the clothes there disguise your bump without bringing attention to it. They look like regular clothes, so I wasn't likely to be noticed as wearing "pregnant lady clothes"

Inside, Carly immediately grabbed a million things off hangers. I probably could've stopped her, but I was way too tired. I settled down on a bench near the dressing rooms to watch my best friend scurry about.

"Hey Carls!"

Carly paused in her conquest for the perfect new wardrobe too look at me.

"How do you even know what size to get?"

She shrugged nonchalantly and resumed her search. I rolled my eyes, but smiled at her antics. Even though Carly could be a girly pain in the ass sometimes, she was a great friend. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

Several minutes later, Carly came over with an armful of clothes

"Is all this really necessary?"

The look on Carly's face seemed answer enough.

She shoved me in a dressing room with everything and told me to model each and every outfit.

I pulled out a soft purple t-shirt with a V-neck and a line of gold and pink flowers down one side. I tried it on and found that it was exactly the right size. Not to mention it was comfortable and it hid my bump well. In actuality, my bump really wasn't that big. I mean, it filled out my stomach to the point that I couldn't really call myself skinny any longer, but it only protruded about the thickness of a FatCake.

I giggled a little, imagining that there was a pink ball of sugar growing in me rather than another person.

I paired the shirt with a pair of dark blue jean capris that were just stretchy enough that I figured they'd still fit in a couple months.

I displayed the outfit for Carly and she nodded approvingly.

I retreated back to the dressing room to try on more of the slew of maternity clothes. Nearly all of them fit perfectly, and they all seemed to be similar to my existing wardrobe, not too out-of the ordinary. The last item, though, was definitely not something I would've picked out myself. I stared at it skeptically.

"A dress?" I wondered out loud.

"Don't knock it 'till you try it!" Carly called out.

I shrugged and pulled it on. It was a bright fuchsia pink that reminded me of Freddie and I's one week- anniversary. Despite the pang that always came with memories of time spent with him, there was a warmth that encircled me. There was a loosely tied white bow few inches below the bottom of my growing breasts. It was silky, weighted so that it swished when I moved. It was beautiful, and I felt beautiful in it.

"Carly, I will never doubt your fashion skills again!"

I stepped out in it, and Carly put her hands up to her face in astonishment.

"Sam, you look gorgeous!"

I grinned and my eyes lit up.

"Thanks. This has been fun."

I changed back into my baggy shirt and sweats, and took my mound of new clothes to the register. As it turned out, we wouldn't be needing a second stop.

On the way out, I suggested to Carly that we should walk across the street to the pet store, because Rabia was running out of food and toys to destroy. She thought it sounded like a good idea, and we set off. We were passing by a Forever 21 (not the right place for maternity clothes) when I saw the boy with the brown eyes.

Freddie.

He was coming out of the store on the corner, a Sports Authority I think. I can't say for sure, because the moment I saw Freddie, I stopped dead in my tracks. He didn't see us yet, and Carly still didn't know why I'd stopped.

"Sam? What's going o- oh."

She'd seen him. Like me, Carly wasn't really sure what to do. I wanted so badly to call out and beg him for forgiveness, but I knew that I couldn't do that to him.

Just as Carly grabbed my arm to guide me back to the car, Freddie turned those damn brown eyes my way. We locked gazes, and for a brief moment I wondered if he might call out a hello.

That hope, however miniscule, was crushed like an empty pop can.

Freddie, after a second or two of hesitation, stormed away to his truck.

My heart felt as though he had wrenched it out, taking it away with him in the old, beat up truck. I felt lightheaded, dizzy, and a string of tears was on its way. I knew there was no way I could stifle the tears this time. Every time I saw those damn brown eyes, my heart broke again.

Carly, the ever-loyal friend, took my hand gently and led me back toward her car.

"Come on, Sam. Don't let him see you cry."

…

**REVIEW!**

**200****th**** reviewer will get a shoutout in the next chapter and a PM with upcoming secrets.**

**You'll be able to choose one of these questions…**

**What will Sam do about the baby?**

**Will Sam and Max get back together?**

**When will Freddie finally get over himself and start talking to Sam again?**

**OR you can make up your own question and I will answer it if I can. I can't give TOO much away.**


	39. Memories

**You get this chapter a day early because I'm staying at an RV park with NO service. I decided to update while I have service (at my grandparents) so… you're welcome.**

…

Memories

(plural noun)

Remembrances or thoughts of what has happened

EX: They had good _memories_ of her, but those _memories_ didn't yield the whole truth.

…

_**Sunday **__(two weeks later)_

…

I actually studied for finals that year. Most years, I didn't even try, relying on my existing grades to keep me from being held back. This year, though, I wasn't taking any chances. Being a super-senior was embarrassment enough, but going down in high school history as the pregnant super-senior would be the ultimate embarrassment. I wanted to be remembered as the tough chick that I used to be. Frozen in people's memory as the girl who did what she wanted and gave everyone hell just because she could. I wanted people to look back and see that girl, not this one. Not this pregnant bitch who'd lost everything.

I'd received my blue cap and gown on Friday. I hadn't opened the box yet, although I was supposed to try it on to make sure it fit. When I had ordered my graduation attire, I'd been several sizes smaller, and also not pregnant. And Freddie and I had been on speaking terms.

Freddie. It had been almost three weeks since the last time we spoke. We'd done iCarly with Brad in his absence, and Brad was smart enough not to ask questions. I suffered through detention, which was abnormally full, due to senior pranks and kids just going stir-crazy waiting for summer. Mostly, I hung out with Max. It was strained at first, seeing as I was lying to him about his early parenthood, but gradually I adjusted and we were able to become friends, which was really all I could handle anyways. Freddie always sat as far away from Max and I as he could, and he kept his nose glued in a book, but the rarity of him turning pages seemed to suggest that he wasn't really concentrated on reading. I'd realized that he might think we were planning some kind of future together. He didn't know that I had told Max that it wasn't his baby, so he may have just naturally assumed that he would be involved.

I rolled over on my bed and tried to concentrate on my flashcards for all the stupid vocabulary we had to memorize for our English final. Thinking about Freddie was NOT going to help me study.

I shook my head, pushing all worries away, and pulled out my history textbook.

I had some serious studying to do.

…

_**Wednesday**_

…

Carly curled my hair and adjusted the slightly tight blue fabric of my graduation gown. It fit, but just barely. I was extremely grateful for the baggy nature of the gowns that allowed enough room for my 8-week pregnant belly. Plus, as long as you didn't look from the side, you couldn't really tell that I was pregnant. My reputation as Ridgeway's badass would survive and flourish. I had passed my finals, and school was over.

I almost didn't go to graduation. Carly, of course, would not stand for that. She and Spencer convinced me to go, and I suppose that was the right thing to do. I mean, I wanted to remember this day. Even though I was pregnant, I'm sure I'd want to look back at pictures of my graduation someday.

"Sam, you look so pretty!"

I let myself smile.

"You look pretty great, yourself! Brad will be excited to see you."

Carly smiled, and her eyes got a little cloudy.

"Oh no. Carly…"

"I can't believe we're graduating! I… I'm going to college! And you're having a baby and… oh, where did the time go?"

"Carly, don't cry! We're not leaving the planet, we're just leaving Ridgeway."

She sniffed a little, but the clouds in her brown eyes receded.

Spencer came in and glanced at us. He whistled.

"You gals look great!"

Then his face tomatoed slightly, "I mean, you know, in a brotherly sorta way."

I rolled my eyes.

"We know what you meant, Spencer. Now come on, we've got to get to Ridgeway or they'll start without us!"

Spencer's eyes clouded over and I groaned.

"Not you too!"

"I can't believe you guys are graduating! My… my little sis is leaving me! And my other little sis is… is…"

"Spencer, shut up and quit blubbering. Carly won't be gone forever and I'm not going anywhere. Let's GO!"

He quieted and we headed toward the Shay's car, though it was mostly used by Carly, since Spencer had his motorcycle.

Graduation, here we come.

…

"Max McGuffe!"

I smiled as I watched Max cross the small stage. He bore a grin a mile wide, and I was so thankful for his support the past few weeks. It would be lonely without him. He would be leaving as soon as graduation ended, because he wanted to have his car at Brown University and it was a long drive to Rhode Island.

He took his diploma and paused for a few camera flashes, then exited the stage.

His family waited for him with open arms, and my heart filled with emotion, knowing he had so much. I had made the right choice. Now and then I doubted myself, but every time I was near Max, my decision to hide the truth and let him go was reaffirmed.

I waited as the rest of the M names, N names, the few O names, and the first of the P names crossed the stage to their future.

I did my best to not think about Freddie, who'd crossed with a generic smile that was not as energetic as it should have been. I hated that this couldn't be perfect for him, because that's what he deserved, but there was nothing I could do now.

Finally, Principal Franklin called out, "Samantha Puckett!"

I took a deep breath, fidgeted with my gown, and walked up the stairs to the stage. I was careful to stay diagonal to most of the audience as a climbed up, and thanked God for the fact that I didn't get sick this late in the day any more. How awful would it be to throw up on the stage before I got my diploma?

Principal Franklin smiled at me in a way that made me wonder if he would miss the iCarly gang. Not that we had been really close, but Principal F. had been supportive of us and had nearly gotten fired for guest starring on our show once. I guess we had a weird bond, and I contemplated visiting him after my due date.

"Congratulations, Sam!" he said loud enough for the whole room to hear.

In a tiny whisper, he added, "Sorry I announced you as 'Samantha'. I didn't mean to."

I quirky grin caught at the corners of my mouth.

"It's okay", I muttered before flashing a grin for cameras.

There was an abnormally large amount of flashes for me, maybe even more than for the jocks and cheerleaders, the populars. I imagined it was due to the fact that most of the school's population, students and teachers, didn't think that I would ever get out of high school. Well, screw them and their expectations! They've got nothing on me.

I bet none of them expected me to get pregnant either.

The flashes stopped and I stepped off the stage and plodded down the stairs. The only person who really came for me was Spencer, who suffocated me in a big-brother hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Sam."

I sighed into his t-shirt. Was this what it felt like to have a family that loved you? I didn't think I'd ever get to experience that. I mean, Melanie graduated a year ago and my mom flew several hundred miles to get to her graduation. She wasn't even willing to drive three miles to come to mine.

I sat with Spencer and watched the rest of graduation. It was pretty boring in all honesty, but we whooped and hollered like mad when Carly came on stage. The lights glinted off her eyes, and I could tell that she was keeping tears in, both happy and sad.

She joined Spencer and I until the end of the ceremony. I excused myself so that I could say goodbye to Max.

He was handing his gown off to Principal Franklin, who was nodding and smiling, clearly proud of Max. I mean, who wouldn't be? I trotted over as he was heading to his car.

"Hey Max!"

He turned around and grinned.

"Sam! What's up?"

I caught up to him and he slowed his walk.

"You didn't think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye, did you?"

He flashed a smile.

"I guess not."

We reached his car and Max hugged me. I sank into it and wished him luck, even though there was a part of me that wanted him to stay.

"Take care of yourself", he murmured, with a glance at my belly. He'd felt the bump there, I knew, but it didn't really matter.

"You too", I replied.

With that, he got into his car and left. I waved until he left the parking lot. I watched until he disappeared from sight. I felt a sense of loneliness settle over me, and decided to head back to Carly and Spencer, and probably Gibby.

On my way there, a hand grabbed my upper arm.

I whirled around fast, preparing to punch the jerk in the face. Or lower, depending.

I struck before his face registered in my mind. He knew enough to block the punch.

Those damn brown eyes stared at me from behind dark shaggy hair. My breath caught in my throat.

Three weeks. He hadn't spoken to me for three weeks. He'd hardly even looked at me.

"Freddie?"

"We need to talk."

…

**CLIFFHANGER! Man, we haven't had one of those in a while!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Shoutout to my 200****th**** reviewer, ****Zetay121**** and one of her favorite authors, ****JJHOTITEM1****.**

**New policy: I will PM my favorite two reviewers for each chapter with a sneak peek of the next chapter :) **

**I wish I could PM you even if you don't have an account, but I can't- SORRY!**

**UPDATE ON WEDNESDAY!**


	40. Now

**I haven't had internet access long enough to PM my favorite reviewers and I apologize for not giving anyone the sneak peek I promised. I will be getting home in about two days, so I will PM all my favorite reviewers from last chapter AND this chapter with a sneak peek. SO SORRY I didn't come through!**

**P.S. I'm updating early (again) because I'll be in the car all day tomorrow- without internet access. On the bright side, ya'll get early access!**

…

Now

(adverb)

Currently or right now

EX: Everything was different _now_ that they were talking again.

…

_**Wednesday**_

…

I still couldn't believe my eyes. Freddie was here. He was looking at me and talking to me, after three weeks of silence. I didn't know how to react. I just stared.

"So I heard Max is going off to college now."

My heart thudded deeply like a drum and I struggled to take a decent breath.

"Yeah. He uh, he got accepted into Brown. You know, the University in um, Rhode Island. It's an Ivy League School."

A flash of anger crossed Freddie's features.

"How can he leave you knowing… knowing what he knows about you?"

"It's not a dirty word, Freddie."

He let out a frustrated noise.

"Maybe we should find a more private place to talk."

Despite all the warning bells sounding in my head, I agreed and we went to his truck. He opened the door for me and some of my anger about the last three weeks seeped out.

"I can do that myself, I'm not disabled! I've been doing it for three weeks without you."

Freddie clenched his teeth together and I wondered what he could possibly want to talk to me about.

Freddie jumped in the driver's seat and started the car.

"I don't want to go anywhere. Carly and Spencer are gonna be waiting for me."

"It's hot out, I just wanted to turn on the A/C."

"Okay."

We were quiet for a while, listening to the steady humming of the air conditioner.

"He doesn't know."

Freddie looked at me questioningly.

"Max", I explained, "I told him it was yours."

"But it… it isn't. Is it? It couldn't be! I mean we never-"

"I know that. I lied to him. I didn't want to ruin his life."

"Having a baby is not…"

He jerked, realizing that he'd said the word 'baby'. Apparently, I was not the only one with an aversion to that word.

He shook it off and finished, "…not ruining your life."

I shrugged, "Maybe. But I knew he would stay and then he wouldn't be able to go to Brown. He deserves to go there. I don't want to keep him from chasing his future."

"Max doesn't deserve anything. Not from you. You don't owe him anything. You should've made him own up to his mistake."

"So now it's a mistake?"

Freddie groaned, "You know what I mean!"

"No, I don't think I do."

"I just… Max wasn't trying to get you… um…"

"Pregnant, Freddie. I'm pregnant. I told you before, It's not a dirty word. And you just said that he wasn't trying to get me pregnant, so there's your answer. It was an ACCIDENT, Freddie. I'm not messing up a nice guy's future because of an accident."

"This isn't just an accident Sam! And Max- a NICE GUY? Come on!"

"Max is a nice guy!"

"Were you not there when Max tried to kill me?"

"He didn't try to kill you. He was just being protective of me. He was mad because YOU cheated on me!"

"Yeah, well he-"

"STOP IT! Freddie, just… just stop. Say what you want about Max. But everyone has faults, and he is no exception. And seeing as I am carrying his baby, I'd like to think of him as a nice guy."

Freddie bit his lip. He looked pained. That irritated me. It's not like he was the pregnant one.

"Besides, none of this would've happened if you hadn't cheated on me."

"But-"

"And I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying… lay off Max. I'm letting him live his life."

Freddie dropped his gaze to the ground, not really having a comeback for that.

"I just don't want you to go through this alone."

I stopped breathing. This was what this was about? He was… he wanted to be there for me?

"Why weren't you there for me then? You ignored me for weeks! You left me when I needed you most, and I…"

I trailed off. I shouldn't have said that. I should've told him that I had Carly and Spencer and that's all I needed. It would be a lie, but it would have been better for both of us. Freddie could've gone off to college and I wouldn't have to suffer any more heartache.

"I wanted to be there for you, Sam. But I thought Max was gonna be there and I didn't want to get in the way. But I'm here now. I want to be here for you right now."

"What about your future? Why don't you just forget about me and start the rest of your life? Go chase your dreams, Freddie!"

I should've said that, but I didn't. He was right. I needed Freddie like I needed air. In my heart I knew that I should push him, push him away so that I didn't weigh him down. But I couldn't. So I didn't say anything.

"We can't be together, we both know that. But we can be friends, Sam. We were friends for a long time before all this happened, we can be friends again."

There was something pleading in his tone, something sad and hoping.

"I don't know, Freddie. I mean, we were more enemies than friends. Rivals, maybe, but friends? I don't know if we can.

"We can at least try."

I didn't know what to say to that. How could I be with Freddie and not BE with Freddie? There was a part of me that loved him, honest-to-God LOVE. It hadn't overcome the part of me that distrusted everyone before, but now? How much time could I spend with Freddie before it hurt too much to bear? How long before I couldn't take it any more?

"When's your next appointment?"

I shouldn't say anything. I knew that. But I ignored the rational part of my brain and listened to the part that loved Freddie more than words could say. The part that would always love him, despite everything. Despite anything.

"Tomorrow morning", I answered meekly.

"I'll be there."

…

**And Freddie is BACK!**

**REVIEW!**

**How do you think Sam and Freddie will handle being "just friends"?**


	41. OBGYN

**I'M HOME! After nearly a month of "vacation", I can't say I've ever been happier to just sit in bed with my cat and write. **

**Shoutout to: **

**Mike2101**** (you hit the nail right on the head- you have a really good sense of character)**

**gracefulblaze**** (you made me ROFL all over the place! And I'm sorry about your condition- I cannot provide you with a cure, but I'll refer you to my oneshot collection for treatment ;)**

**CharmedOpal ****(I know, right? I hate it when authors leave you with a cliffhanger and don't update for weeks- I won't do that to you guys, I care too much :)**

**LadyJames**** (I agree- Max deserves to know at the very least, so he can have a choice about being in the kid's life)**

**You all ROCK!**

…

OBGYN

(acronym, noun)

The combined studies of Obstetrics and Gynecology or one who practices said studies

EX: He and his pregnant girlfriend went to the _OBGYN_ office to speak with a professional.

…

_**Thursday**_

…

I found myself unwilling to get up that morning. The idea of Freddie coming with me to an appointment with my OBGYN was not a comforting thought. Sure, it would be amazing just to be near him, but having him next to me while I talked about my weird pregnancy symptoms, like how I have to pee a lot more that I used to, and the fact that I am gassy every time I eat something containing dairy? That's not okay. Carly doesn't even need to know that stuff, and she's my best friend. Freddie's just…

Actually, I didn't really know what Freddie was. Despite what he'd said, I knew we could never truly be friends. We had a complicated history. When you toss all the love and pain into the equation, it seems obvious why a normal friendship would be impossible. Or really any kind of friendship at all. Freddie could kid himself all he wanted, but I knew we'd never be just friends.

"That's it."

I pulled myself off of the dingy couch in our living room. I was NOT letting Freddie come to this appointment. It was hard enough being pregnant without Freddie. I could not allow him back into my life. Whenever he's with me, I stop caring about anything but him. His eyes. His shoulders. Oh God, his lips…

"Focus, Sam. FOCUS."

I inhaled deeply, but another vision of Freddie's amazing physique entered my thoughts.

"Damnit, Freddie. Get out of my head!"

I slammed a fist against the wall. Or rather, I slammed a fist through the wall. Oops.

I sighed and pulled my hand out of the crumbling hole in the living room wall. Probably not the best idea to let my mother see that, so I'd need to cover it with a picture or something.

I glanced at the clock in the kitchen and made up my mind. I'd leave now, before Freddie could catch me. I'd get through my appointment, then rush back home to cover up that hole.

I slipped on flip flops on my way out the door. They were my favorite shoes, because they were new and untainted with memories of dating Freddie. I rarely wore anything else those days.

Of course, when I opened the door, I realized I'd need to buy a new pair.

"Hey, Sam. Ready?"

Ready to go? Yes. Ready to go with you? Hell, no.

"I actually cancelled my appointment and I was coming out to tell you. I heard you pull in."

"Liar. Now get in the car."

"Shit."

Clearly, I'd spent too much time with Freddie. If I couldn't lie to him…

"Double shit."

…

I fidgeted in my seat. I hate waiting rooms. I mean, it's a room where you just… sit. You just sit there and wait for something to happen. I guess you could say waiting rooms are my kryptonite. Well, them and Freddie.

"Samantha Puckett."

"It's SAM!"

The nurse- who was a guy, oddly- shrugged and tried for a smile.

"Sam, then. Come on back."

Freddie trailed behind us, and the nurse guy- David I think- paid him no mind.

"Alright, we're gonna just check your height and weight here."

"But you did that last time."

"Well, it HAS been almost a month. We need to keep up with your progress."

I chewed on the inside of my lip. My weight was among the things Freddie didn't need to know, and I was not comfortable with him being there.

Daniel- or David- or whatever the hell his name was- finally seemed to notice my unease.

"Sir, I can direct you to the room while we do this."

Freddie looked back and forth between us and finally accepted the offer. He went down the hall and then I let the nurse dude take my height and weight. I didn't look.

He marked a few things down, and then took me to the room to wait for Doctor Clary.

…

"Good morning, Sam! How are you guys doing?"

"How are we… oh. We as in… yeah. We're just peachy, thanks."

She smiled brightly and looked over at Freddie, who was sitting in the corner.

"And who is this?"

"That's my… my um… That's Freddie."

"Freddie, huh?" She turned to Freddie and extended a hand.

"Nice to meet you, Freddie."

He shook her hand and muttered a quiet reply before she turned back toward me.

"Okay, Sam. I'm going to take your blood pressure, and while I do that, why don't you tell me about some of your symptoms?"

"Okay."

She pulled the thing from the wall and attached it to my arm. As the sleeve began filling with air, I begin talking.

"I'm still sick, but only in the mornings now. I'm uh… I have to pee more than usual. And I have lots of cravings and… what do you call it when you can't stand even the smell of something?"

"I call it a reverse-craving."

"Yeah, those too."

She noted that down, as well as my blood pressure.

"Now I noticed here that you've gained an unusual amount of weight for someone of your size. Have you been eating right?"

"Same as usual, I guess. Maybe a little healthier even."

"Alright. Well since you've gained eight pounds in the past few weeks, I'm going to suggest an ultrasound just to make sure everything's on the up-and-up. Okay?"

"Uh, okay. Are you sure you have time?"

"I'll have to check with our technician. We'll most likely have to schedule it a few days from now."

"Okay."

She left the room with her notepad, promising to return as soon as possible.

Right. Like doctors ever rush to get back to their patients.

Freddie didn't say anything.

Finally, about five minutes later, Doctor Clary returned.

"Alright then. I checked with our ultrasound tech, and he has a few openings on Saturday. Why don't you go up and make that appointment?"

"Sure, whatever."

"Great! I'll see you then!"

"Yeah, okay."

Freddie and I made our way out to the reception desk. Well actually, I walk there and Freddie follows. I honestly wondered what he came for- it's not like he did or learned anything. He sure as hell didn't help.

"Terrence has a few slots two days from now at seven, eight-thirty, and noon."

"Uh, noon. I'm not into getting up before I have to."

Freddie coughed pointedly.

"I'm actually busy tomorrow. Is there another day?"

"Sure! There are openi-"

"Whoah, whoah, whoah! You do not get to decide when or how I schedule visits, Fredward Benson. If you want to come, then fine. Make an opening in your schedule if it's important enough for you to come. But you DO NOT get to weigh in on ANYTHING. Got it?"

Freddie's face was red, all the way to the tips of his ears.

"Got it", he mumbled.

The receptionist looked a bit startled.

"So, the… noon appointment on", she glanced at Freddie, unsure, "Saturday?"

"Yes. Noon on Saturday."

"Okey dokey."

She typed it in and printed me out a ticket reminder. I took it and left, with a silent Freddie trailing behind. I glowered at him all the way home. His inability to speak was really getting to me.

"Freddie, this is not helping either of us. Don't be there on Saturday. I don't want you or need you. I think it would be better if you stayed the FUCK out of my life."

He'd jerked into some neighbors driveway. It was unclear whether he was mad, sad, or just stunned.

I shoved the car door open and got out.

"I'll walk from here. Bye."

I slammed the door and began my trek home. Sometimes, I really hate that Fredward Benson.

He and his damn brown eyes can go to hell.

…

**REVIEW!**

**And remember, my two favorite reviewers get a sneak preview of the next chapter!**


	42. Piano

**You guys left such amazing reviews that instead of individually PMing everyone sneak peeks of this chapter, I decided to post it early. A while ago, someone suggested doing a flashback chapter, and that inspired me to write this. Thank you for all your fantastic reviews! **

…

Piano

(noun)

A musical or instrumental keyboard

EX: After she danced on the grand _piano_, everything went crazy.

…

Friday

…

I was even sicker than usual the next morning. So sick, in fact, that I didn't even make it to the bathroom. Fortunately, since my room is carpeted, I had a bowl in the room. I'd started doing that after a close call about a week ago, and it definitely paid off.

I wished like hell that I didn't have to worry about things like puking on my carpet or being on time to appointments with my OBGYN. It was hard.

It was fair, though. As upsetting as it was to see Freddie making out with some random chick, I should've had enough sense to call Carly instead of getting drunk with Max.

That night was like a dream, foggy and confusing, making little sense.

As time passed, I remembered more and more of that night. I think I might've preferred to stay ignorant.

…

_Max pulled up in his sleek Toyota Echo. I was about a block away from school. He'd offered to come into Prom with me, but I didn't want to go back there. I couldn't go back there and see Freddie. I told Max that I was thinking about giving him another chance. So he came and picked me up._

"_Where to?" he asked._

"_I don't know. Do you have a fake ID?"_

"_Uh… yeah, why?"_

"_I need a drink."_

_He raised an eyebrow. _

"_What exactly do you mean by that?"_

"_Can we go to a bar?_

"_Sam, I don't think that's a great idea. Come on, let's just have dinner or something."_

"_I wanna go to a bar."_

"_Sam…"_

"_Please?"_

_Max sighed. He knew better than to argue with me._

"_Fine. But I'll have to be the designated driver."_

"_Cool. Let's go!"_

_We walked into a small, dirty bar near my neighborhood. It was loud, but there weren't a whole lot of people there. On the way in, Max and I flashed out fake IDs. I wondered briefly why he had one. He didn't seem like the type that would use it to but beer and whatnot, but who knows?_

_I sidled up to the counter and asked for a cocktail. The guy straight up laughed at me._

"_You want a cocktail? Then go across the street! We only got pure liquor here."_

"_Fine, then. Give me a shot of tequila."_

_He laughed again._

"_A pretty little girl like you? I don't think you know what you're asking for."_

"_Make that two shots. And a whisky."_

_He chuckled, but did what I asked. Two shots of tequila and a small glass of whisky. I downed the first shot. It burned like fire going down, but I relished the feeling. It was a good distraction._

_I swallowed the second shot and downed the whisky. Max was standing nearby with his eyebrows raised._

"_Come on", I said gruffly, "Let's dance, Max."_

_We did. I was clumsy, and occasionally I'd break off to get more alcohol. Max looked a little disappointed in me, which was really pissing me off. I got him to drink a small glass of Brandy and a shot. After that, he wasn't too bad. Not drunk enough to crash his car, but loosened up enough to have fun with me._

_We danced a little more. Another guy asked to dance with me, and I did. He thought I was funny, but I didn't like the way he looked at me. Neither did Max, who pulled me away quickly._

_I thought it would be funny, at some point, to get up on the piano and sing along to the music around. It was an old piano. A baby grand, I think. Sturdy enough to hold me. _

_Not only did I sing along to a bunch of songs, I also began dancing on top of the piano. I probably should've been kicked out, but the bartender was having too much fun watching me go crazy._

_Max finally got me off the piano and told me that we should probably get going. In my drunken state, I stumbled out of the bar and in a direction I hoped would lead home. Max pulled up next to me in his car, saying that it might not be a good idea for me to go home like this. I got in the car and let him drive me to a hotel. _

_He paid for the room. It had one bed. He'd been planning to leave me there and come back in the morning to pick me up, but I wouldn't have it._

_I pulled him towards me and pressed my lips on his. He didn't try to stop me. I sucked on his bottom lip, and plunged my tongue into his mouth when it opened, tasting the alcohol we'd both been drinking._

_I pulled Max to the bed and on top of me. Even then, he didn't object. I fumbled with the buttons on Max's shirt, trying to get the stupid thing off._

_"I can't take advantage of you", he interrupted._

_I smiled in a way that could've been described as teasing, or even slutty._

_"You aren't."_

…

I sighed and rubbed my belly. That was the night it all started. That was the night I got pregnant. How long ago was that? Nine weeks? Yes, nine weeks to the day. It was a wonder I could keep track.

There was a tentative knock at the door, and I almost didn't answer it. I didn't exactly want to see anyone. Plus, I could recognize Freddie's knock.

"Sam! I know you're in there! Open the door!"

"Why should I?"

"Please, Sam! I really want to talk to you!"

Despite myself, I got up and let Freddie in.

"Thank you."

I sat back down on the couch and looked up at Freddie expectantly.

"Well?"

He shifted back and forth a few times, straightened up, and sat on the armchair across from me.

He cleared his throat and started in.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable yesterday. I just… God, what could I have said? I've never been good with words, you know that."

I did. He said as much on our first date. And then he kissed me.

"I'll try my best, okay? I've been trying to find the right words since yesterday. I barely slept last night. I'm… I'm sorry, okay? I just want to… to help you."

"I don't need your help."

It was a lie. My heart, at every opportunity, screams out a reminder of how much I need Freddie.

Freddie ran a hand through his hair and stood up. He sat next to me and grabbed my arm, staring deep into my eyes.

"You might not think you need my help Sam, but I will fight to be there with you every step of the way. No matter how many times you push me away, I will always…"

His sweet brown eyes bored into mine, pleading.

"…always come back to you. I care about you way too much to leave."

A million retorts were at my disposal, but not one of them would do any good. I stayed quiet, though I moved my gaze away from Freddie.

"I want us to be comfortable around each other. And I know that takes trust. Sam, I promise you can trust me. I will be one hundred percent honest with you all the time. You can ask me anything and I will tell you the truth. No more lies. I promise."

"What are your plans tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a counselor. Well, had."

"You were going to a shrink?"

"No, I was going to a career counselor. My mom seems to think I'm having second thoughts about my future or maybe I've, I don't know, decided to do something stupid and be an acrobat."

I smiled briefly.

"Anyway, that's not what I'm doing tomorrow. I cancelled it, because it's more important to me to go with you to your appointment. But if you don't want me to go, I'll respect that decision."

My hand absently went to my belly. The growing bump there. Was I ready for Freddie to see that?

He noticed my hand and a look crossed his face so quickly I almost didn't see it. He looked… wistful.

"I didn't even think about that. How far along are you?"

"Over two months. Nine weeks, actually."

His eyes slid down to my stomach.

"You're showing?"

"Yeah. I'm definitely showing."

"Wow. I can't believe… nine weeks, huh?"

"Uh huh."

Freddie sighed.

"Are you sure that it's best to keep Max in the dark about all this? He's gonna be a father. You're… you're having his baby."

It hurt him to say it, I could see that. He was right, of course. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not now, not after he'd just begun college life across the country.

"I know. But it's for the best."

"Are you planning to keep it?"

The question caught me off guard. It's not like it hadn't crossed my mind, I just hadn't really thought about it.

"I don't know, Freddie. And the baby is not an 'it'."

"Wait, you know the sex?"

"The what?"

"The gender. Is the baby a boy or a girl?"

I laughed.

"I don't know! I won't know for another month!"

Freddie blushed, "Oh, right. I'm not really informed about this stuff."

He really did want to help. And I wanted him to be there, I really did. I craved his support more than even FatCakes. I was just scared to let him in again. Scared of being hurt.

There's something really personal about letting someone see your stomach when there's a baby inside, and I wasn't ready to share myself with Freddie that way just yet. But I could always ask him to look the other way. I knew he would.

I was done being scared.

"Don't worry about it. Just… make sure you're on time tomorrow. I don't want to be late."

Freddie smiled at me with a look of pride and excitement. Proud, I suppose, for my resiliency, and also for the chance to participate in this. I couldn't help but imagine the kind of father Freddie would be. He'd be a really good dad. But could I be a good mom?

…

**Not my best chapter ending, but whatever. **

**Thanks for all your REVIEWS!**

**You know, I would love a few more of those.**

**In fact, **_**BEST REVIEW GETS THE ULTIMATE SNEAK PREVIEW! **_

**Ordinarily, I wouldn't give out information this big, but it is coming up on Sunday, and I am in such a great mood today that I think I might just do it. **

_**Two other reviewers get regular sneak peeks.**___**A paragraph or so of the next chapter that isn't TOO revealing about the plot.**


	43. Quandary

**I am SO sorry I didn't update yesterday! I was busy completing one of the easier things on my bucket list, which was to watch all 8 Harry Potter movies within 24 hours without taking breaks (except to go to the bathroom). I started the first movie at 7:30 on Sunday morning and finished the last one at 3:10 this morning. It was kind of exhilarating, to be honest. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**

…

Quandary

(noun)

Uncertainty or perplexity about what to do in a situation

EX: This news changed everything; it put the girl it quite a _quandary_.

…

_**Saturday**_

…

Freddie grinned from the doorway.

I frowned, "How… how did you get in here? I locked that door."

"Come on Sam. We dated for quite a while, you don't think I picked up a few things?"

I rolled my eyes, "You took the key from under the mat."

"Yeah."

"And that's why I'm the smart one. You may be school smart, but I'm street smart. If a drunk hobo is attacking you, calculus ain't good for jack shit. So, by the laws of quantum mechanics, I'm the smart one."

"That doesn't even make sense", Freddie protested, but he followed me out the door anyways. Off to see the weird doctor that looks in your belly. Yippee.

"Do you think they could look in there and like, see the last thing you ate?"

Freddie looked at me and sighed. He opened the car door and simply said, "No."

"Well why not?"

Freddie ignored me and went around the car to his seat. He started the car and went down the road.

"Why not, Freddie?"

"Because your stomach acid breaks up everything you just ate, and mush looks like mush."

"But what if you JUST ate it? Like, if your stomach acid hadn't masked it all up yet?"

He rubbed his forehead and looked over his shoulder to change lanes.

"I don't know, Sam. Ask the technician."

"I will."

And I did. Dr. Terrence Donovan himself led us from the waiting room to the ultrasound room, and the second we were in there I asked him if something like that was possible.

"It's in interesting idea, but I don't think so. The stomach is too far inward, we couldn't see anything in it with a machine like this."

"Oh. Bummer."

He chuckled and showed me where to sit. Freddie found a chair in the corner and, with a brief glance at me, pulled it over near where my head would be and sat down.

Dr. Donovan seemed younger that the last person who scanned my belly, but he still had that wise old guy aura. I was guessing he was in his early forties. He gave me the same directions as before: roll up my shirt to the bottom of my bra and pull the top of my pants down to just below my hipbones.

I glanced at Freddie, and he seemed to get the message. He averted his eyes and I exposed my bump to the room.

Dr. Donovan pulled out a tube of that awful gel and I braced myself for the cold.

"Oh God! Why is this stuff always so frickin' cold?"

Dr. Donovan chuckled.

"Well, we keep it in the fridge because it's fun to watch everyone's reaction to its icy temperature."

"NO! You've gotta be lying. You don't really do that! Do you?"

He laughed again, "No, but it is pretty cold around here. Helps keep germs out, you know?"

He brought over the scanner thing and rolled it around on my stomach, smearing the blue gel all over. I turned my head, and found that Freddie was still respecting my request. His eyes were fixed on a poster about birth defects. I slapped him.

"Don't do that! You'll jinx the whole thing!"

He reddened, due to the laughter that, undoubtedly, was being wrangled into submission. I rolled my eyes and pointed to the screen that would show the tiny being inside me.

"Last time we were here, it looked like there was a bubble floating around. Maybe this time, it'll look like a balloon."

Freddie suppressed a grin and turned his eyes to the grainy black and white screen.

Dr. Donovan seemed to be ready to look around my belly, so I directed my gaze to the screen as well.

"How far along are you?" Dr. Donovan asked as he rolled the scanner over me.

"Nine weeks, yesterday."

"Huh."

He moved the scanner slowly and methodically, eyes glued to the screen. After a short time, he paused.

"Ah. I see."

He pulled a remote-like thing from his pocket and hit a button, his hand unmoving. The word "freeze" appeared on the screen. He set down the scanner thing and hit another button on the remote. Then he unfroze the screen and continued on.

"What did you just do?"

"I froze the image so that I could print it out. The printer is in another room, so I'll get all the images while you clean up. Then we'll meet with Doctor Clary briefly, and you can go home."

"Last time the guy took pictures of the screen with a camera. How come he didn't print them out?"

Dr. Donovan's eyebrows pulled together just slightly before he asked, "When was your last ultrasound?"

"A month ago, I think."

He nodded, "That explains it. Our old printer broke about a month ago and we had to replace it. We used digital cameras until it could be delivered and installed."

"Oh. Okay."

He resumed looking around my belly. He froze and printed pictures a few more times, but said nothing more. Freddie's eyes never left the screen. It seemed to intrigue him, and the thought warmed my heart a little.

Finally, Dr. Donovan stopped. He cleaned off the scanner thing and smiled.

"Well, I think you're all doing great. I'll get you a towel and in about ten minutes, I'll take you to a room and we'll chat with Dr. Clary for a few minutes. Okay?"

"Cool."

He set the now-clean scanner in its slot on his cart and pulled a light blue hand towel from under it. He handed it to me and smiled as he left the room. I threw the towel over my stomach and looked back at Freddie, who had become an astronomer.

"Freddie, stop staring at the ceiling. Go get some water or something. If you find a cup, I'd love some water too."

"Oookay. See ya!"

I nodded in response. Once Freddie left, I went to work cleaning the blue gel off of me. I wondered whether they bought the towels blue or if they just soaked in the gel's blue coloring.

Once I was clean, or clean enough anyhow, I stood and set the towel on my chair.

Freddie knocked on the door about then and I told him to come in.

"They didn't have any cups, but the front desk has these little water bottles…"

"Sweet! You rock, Freddo!"

He smiled, blushing, and I took the miniature water from him, downing it quickly. We stepped into the hallway, and I leaned against the wall. While we waited for Dr. Donovan to return, I looked at various pamphlets about having a healthy pregnancy and what to do if your water breaks and all sorts of things. I pocketed a few of them, to Freddie's amusement. I did the mature thing and stuck my tongue out at him. Finally, Dr. Donovan came and took us to a small conference room. Dr. Clary arrived shortly after and she was all smiles.

"Hello, Sam! How are you feeling?"

"Uh… just fine, thanks."

Dr. Clary and Dr. Donovan looked at each other and then back at me.

"What? Is there an alien or something in there?"

They both laughed.

"There's no alien, Sam", Dr. Terrence said.

"Then what's up?"

Dr. Clary smiled brightly.

"It seems you are perfectly healthy. The extra weight gain is normal, and you are doing fantastic!"

Dr. Terrence pulled out a few images from the ultrasound and set them on the table.

"These are some of the pictures I printed out. I thought you might want them. This", he said, pointing to a dark spot with a light spot inside, "is what you once described as a bubble."

I looked at it and then at him, "Okay?"

Dr. Clary cut in, "I don't know how to say this, but Sam, you're having twins!"

"I'm… I'm what?"

I felt as if I was underwater. Nothing was clear, nothing quite made sense. I didn't know what to think about this.

Two? Two babies? As if one wasn't enough!

"That's why you've been gaining more weight, and it also explains why your symptoms are magnified. In fact, that may be why you got all positives when you took the at-home tests."

It also explained the fact that my bump was bigger than it should be.

"I don't understand. How come I didn't know about this a month ago?"

"Since they're identical twins", Dr. Donovan answered, "they share a birth sac. We wouldn't be able to tell unless we could see both bodies, which isn't possible for a while."

He pulled out a bigger print of the image I'd seen before. Indeed, what I thought was one light spot was actually two small forms. They even looked vaguely human-shaped.

"Holy shit. So there's TWO?"

Both doctors nodded.

I suddenly remembered Freddie's presence and turned to gauge his reaction. He looked as stunned as I felt.

Dr. Clary smiled encouragingly.

"Don't worry, you're doing great. All of you are doing great. Why don't we schedule something later this week so we can talk about this a little. I'm also suggesting the Doppler for you. You can do both at the same appointment if you want."

I was too overwhelmed to answer, so Freddie spoke for me. I knew that boy would be useful eventually.

"What's the Doppler?"

"The Doppler allows you to hear the heartbeat of your baby. Or in this case, babies", she smiled.

"Oh, okay."

Freddie glanced at me and apparently decided it was time to go.

"Thank you both for your help. I think I should probably get Sam home now."

"Alright. You can call in later to schedule that appointment. Get some rest, okay Sam?"

I managed a nod and let Freddie lead me out of the OBGYN office and toward his car.

"Sam. Sam!"

Freddie grabbed my arms and looked me in the eyes.

"Snap out of it!" He shook me and I realized that I hadn't breathed in a while.

I gulped in air and Freddie released me.

"Thank God", he muttered.

He guided me into the car and we drove away silently. Truthfully, I was in shock. This was kind of a game changer. Not that this- being pregnant- was a game. It just seemed like I had finally gotten a hold on the situation after two months, and now I was lost all over again. Something about it made me uneasy. Of course, it wasn't like it was some kind of weird malfunction. Our family had a history of identical twins, Melanie and I being the youngest pair.

I didn't know if I could take care of twins. I admit that the thought had crossed my mind that I could keep my baby. That maybe that was my future, and that I could be a good mom. Like my mom had been before… before Garrett.

But now, knowing that there would be two mouths to feed, twice the diapers to change, and still no father in the picture, I felt a heaviness inside my chest. It was a bad parody of my life. Mom knocked up in high school and taking care of two kids by herself. Of course, it wasn't that way at first for my mom. And there was Garrett. But even with the early help, my mom was not the ideal parent. I never really blamed her, she did try. It was just too hard for her. I didn't want my kids to have the same life I did.

Funny how I thought of it in the past tense, as if my life had ended.

Freddie slowed to a stop outside my house. He looked over at me and I saw concern in his warm brown eyes.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I couldn't voice my opinions. To let them be said aloud would be like admitting I was a failure. That I wasn't good enough to be a mom.

"No thanks. I just need to think for a minute."

Freddie nodded, understanding, and unlocked my door for me.

"Thanks, Freddie. For being there today. I… I was wrong. About you. I really appreciate your help. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."

Freddie smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. He was worried about me still.

"Just… take care of yourself Sammy. Okay?"

He sounded like there was something else he wanted to say, but I didn't push him. I'd asked enough of him today. I'd be okay.

Freddie drove off and I went inside to sit on the couch. I lay down on my back, staring at the blank TV screen, thinking about this mess that I'd created. I put a hand on the soft cotton of the baggy T-shirt I'd worn to the appointment, feeling the bump hidden below. Warmth radiated from my belly, and I wished that I could be happy about this news.

I made a decision then. I decided that it was time to do the right thing, what I probably should have done in the first place.

I picked up my red PearPhone and dialed Max's number.

…

**Ta-da! So what do you think of this? How does having twins affect the other parts of Sam's life? Will she really tell Max the truth? What do you think she should do with the babies?**

**REVIEW! **

**Please, for the love of Seddie, REVIEW!**

**Remember: my favorites get sneak peeks and shoutouts :D**

**Speaking of shoutouts…**

**Thank you to:**

**MegColes (My ULTIMATE Favorite Reviewer, and also the person who suggested "Quandary" as the chapter title :)**

**LadyJames & PinaySeddier (My Other Two Favorite Reviewers)**

**There will be an update this Wednesday.**** Partly because I think there's supposed to be, partly because I feel guilty about updating late. In any case, this'll set the "every other Wednesday" thing straight. **


	44. Right

**Hey guys! I know I haven't PMed anyone, but since the chapter went up on Monday and you'd only get your sneak peek a day in advance, I decided to wait and PM you the sneak peek of chapter 45 today or tomorrow. **

…

Right

(adjective)

The moral or ethical thing to do

EX: It is often hard to do the _right_ thing; she found it easier to lie.

…

_**Saturday**_

…

"Hello?"

"Hey, Max. It's Sam."

"Hey, Sam! How's it going?"

He sounded so happy. I hated to do this to him. But things were different now. How could I lie to him when he was going to be a father of two? Two kids. Oh, God.

"It's… okay. How 'bout you?"

I was ravaging my mind, trying to come up with a good enough reason to keep lying top Max, or an explanation to give him for why I'd been doing so for two months. I couldn't come up with a single excuse. There was no good way to explain this whole mess to someone who wasn't in my situation. They just wouldn't really understand.

"Brown is amazing!" he gushed. "Everyone here is so great! The teachers are really brilliant"

He continued on. He spoke highly of his new school, and I listened half-heartedly. Occasionally, there was a tinge of his old British accent, so I could tell he was excited.

"… and my dorm mate is really funny. He's pretty smart and all, but man, he cracks jokes like no one I've ever known! I've done a few spit takes, so now I'm careful about eating or drinking anything around him. But his girlfriend- excuse my French- what a bitch! She treats him like complete crap and I just…"

I tried to listen, but my mind was wandering off in other directions. What would it be like if I was going to college right now? It seemed like a ridiculous question, but I wondered all the same. I'd never really planned for college. I guess I didn't really plan for my future at all. And here I am now, pregnant. With twins.

"… study group on Wednesdays and there's this girl there that looks just like you, Sam! Her name's Nikita, and she speaks very little English, but she looks EXACTLY like you! I think Melanie would like her a lot, she's a real genius when it comes to science. And boy, does she love to eat!"

"Uh huh."

Max paused.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I've been going on and on about school… I'm sure you didn't call me to listen to me ramble. Are you doing alright? How's the… the baby?"

So what first? Should I break the news that he's a father and then tell him that it's twins, or…

"Babies. I'm having twins."

"Wow! That's really cool. You planning to keep them?"

Why did everyone keep asking me that? I didn't know yet! I had too many things on my mind, too many things to sort out.

"I don't know, Max."

"What's wrong?"

He'd heard the weariness in my tone. I should've figured he would. Max was smart, he had a good gauge on people's emotions.

"I… everything."

I could almost imagine Max's comforting arm around my shoulder, the kind gaze he'd lay on me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. No I don't. But I have to. It's been too long."

"What's been too long?"

This was it. I took a deep breath… and chickened out.

"Since we talked… It's been a long time since we've talked and I miss you."

"Sam, it's been three days."

Had it really? It was hard to believe, but he was right. Graduation had been a mere three days ago. It felt like a lifetime ago.

"Right. I uh, was just worried. Did you get there okay?"

"Yeah. I picked up a guy in Montana and we traded off driving, so we only had to stop for food and bathroom breaks. We got in really late last night."

"So then today…"

"I've been exploring. Meeting teachers, students, everything. It's been a big day."

"I know what you mean."

"Sam, please. Tell me what's going on. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Are you in trouble?"

I sighed and switched the phone to my left ear because the right one was getting hot.

"No. I'm… it's not me that I'm worried about."

"Is it Freddie?"

No. Not at all. I was worried about Max and the two little beings in my belly that were depending on me to make all the right decisions. But I couldn't figure out what the right decision was.

"It's not Freddie", I said. But then it occurred to me that it kind of was Freddie.

"Well, not in the way you think", I admonished.

"What does that mean?"

"Freddie came and talked to me after graduation. He's… involved now, I guess. He was there when I found out about the twins."

"Oh. Well, that's great, right?"

"Well yeah, but that isn't the point. Freddie has no obligation to me and... them. Because… because Freddie's not the father. We never… we never did anything. He's just being a good friend."

There was silence on the other line.

"Freddie isn't the dad?"

"No."

"Sam, how far along are you?"

I bit my lip.

"Nine weeks, as of yesterday."

I waited. He would be calculating, figuring it out. I braced myself for the inevitable, Max was about to find out the truth.

His voice came back shaky.

"Am I… are they mine? Are those my kids?"

I choked on a sob.

"I'm so sorry, Max."

"Oh my God."

"I just didn't want to mess everything up for you… you're in Rhode Island and you deserve the opportunity to study at Brown. I wanted you to be free to chase your dreams."

"And now?"

Max's voice came across crackly, and I wondered if he was crying. I'd never seen Max cry; I mean, he was Max. Max, the guy that never cried.

"I can't keep you out of this. It… it was wrong for me to lie to you", I stuttered out.

"I can't tell what the right decision is any more, Max. I don't want you to give up on Brown or anything, I was just hoping that…"

What was I hoping? Did I want him to tell me that he would take care of them? That he'd, I don't know, decide to marry me and be a real dad?

"I just want you to be happy. And I want to know that… you'll be there. If I need you, if I need advice, I'd love to be able to talk to you about it. Stay in Rhode Island, study music, do what you've always wanted to do. Know that I'm happy for you. I've got friends here to take care of me and all. Please, don't worry about me. You can take part in any and all decisions I make about it, and frankly, I'd appreciate another opinion. I'm just sorry I didn't tell you when it all started."

"I'm gonna be a dad."

It wasn't a question. I didn't ask anything else of him then. I knew how he was feeling, to some extent. I'd give him time to adjust. I wasn't going to push him any further.

"I'm sorry Max. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

I tapped the "End Call" button and sighed. I sat back and placed a hand on my growing stomach.

Two kids. There were two of them in there. And I wasn't ready for either of them.

…

**REVIEW! I'll be your best friend if you do! Just kidding, I've already got one of those. But if you leave me a review I might PM you a sneak peek :)**

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**MegColes**

**JJLHOTITEM1**

**LadyJames**

**I will PM you your reviews within the next 24 hours.**


	45. Support

**I know I'm updating late again, and I am SO sorry! Please accept this chapter as my apology.**

…

Support

(noun)

Help or assistance

EX: It was _support_ from friends like these that kept her going.

…

_**Sunday**_

…

_I was in the hospital. There was white everywhere, blinding me. I sat up, realizing I was lying down on one of the snow white beds. No, wait. I was sitting in the waiting room. _

_Why was that again?_

_No matter. I felt fine, so I walked outside. A little girl came and tugged on my skirt._

_Skirt? Why the hell was I wearing a skirt?_

"_Are you my mommy?"_

_I looked down at the girl and frowned. She looked Asian. Obviously, I wasn't her mother._

"_Where's my daddy?"_

"_He's on a business trip!" I yelled._

"_You're lying!" _

_I looked down at the green-eyed blonde boy staring up at me. Hadn't there been a small Chinese girl there?_

_I felt another small hand on the back of my knee and turned around. _

"_Do you love me, Mommy?" asked another boy._

"_I…"_

"_No! Mommy loves ME best!" screamed the first boy._

_I looked between the blonde and the brunette with the lovely brown eyes, confused._

"_I don't love either of you more than the other! What I mean to say is, I care about you both. I…I need you both. Both of you."_

_The little blonde boy froze me with his sharp green eyes._

"_I hate you. You lie to me. You never lie to him", he said, gesturing to the brunette._

"_I was doing the right thing!" I stammered._

_The boy with the chocolate eyes took my hand, "Do you love me, Mommy?"_

"_Yes! No. I…"_

"_Where's Daddy?" Asked the green-eyed boy._

"_Where's my daddy?"_

_The small brunette joined in, and my boys chanted together._

"_Where's my daddy? Where's my daddy? Where's my daddy?"_

_And then I saw, reflected in the blonde's eyes, a word on a billboard. Choose._

"_Choose! Choose! You must choose! Choose! Choose! You must choose!"_

…

I woke up to lyrics from the Adele song "I Found a Boy". That would be Carly.

"_I fall short each time_

_Every time he ain't here_

_You and your charm creep closer_

_Closer-"_

Not being able to bear hearing any more of the song, I flipped it open.

"I'm really regretting letting you choose your own ringtone, Carls."

"Come on! Adele is amazing! _'But I found a boy who I love more-'_"

"Carly, please…"

"'_Than I ever did you before! So stand-_'"

"Carly! STOP!"

"What? It's a good song!"

"Yeah? Well I just had a really crappy night of sleep filled with… really stupid dreams. I'm not in the mood to listen to you or anyone else sing Adele."

Carly huffed, "Fine."

"So why are you calling me at…" I glanced at the clock, "…eleven in the morning on a day where I could be sleeping until two?"

"Sam, it's practically afternoon. And we haven't talked since graduation! I just wanted to check on you and find out how your check-up went on Thursday."

"Oh. Right. Um, a lot has happened in the past few days."

"I've got the unlimited plan. And you could always come over here."

The thought of rolling out of bed was not an appetizing one.

"I have unlimited minutes. Ever since that time I ran out of them in that alley", I shuddered, "I make the extra effort to get unlimited."

Carly, I imagined, was nodding agreeably.

"So then are you gonna tell me what's happened since Wednesday?"

"Yeah, yeah I will. Of course I will. And I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you about any of this earlier. I was just so overwhelmed, I didn't get a chance to breathe. You know, I probably should've called you that first night. You would've probably made things less stressful."

Carly was quiet, and I took it as a nudge to continue and tell her everything.

"Okay, so after graduation, Freddie came and talked to me."

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other line, but I kept going.

"He told me that he wants to be there for me, to support me through this whole thing. You know how he is, all apologetic and whatnot. It was really nice to talk to him, even though it wasn't the best conversation. I was a little harsh with him."

I cleared my throat and made sure I didn't forget anything.

"Oh, and I told him about… about what I told Max. I told him that Max didn't know the… the truth. And Freddie, um, he came to my appointment the next day. There was something off, I weighed too much or something, so I made an appointment for Saturday to get an ultrasound in case anything was wrong. I told Freddie not to come, because it was so awkward… God, it was bad. I was really horrible to him. But he was determined, and he came back the next day to apologize and he convinced me to let him come to my ultrasound."

"That's good", Carly remarked quietly, "you guys should be there for each other. I know you don't think so, but Freddie really loves you, and I know it's been killing him to stay away from you for so long. I'm really happy for you two."

"We aren't… together or anything."

"I know. I'm just glad you're getting along now. Was the ultrasound okay? Is there anything wrong with the baby?"

"No. No, nothing's wrong. Well, not exactly wrong…"

I closed my eyes and centered my thoughts. It wasn't bad news. It was just, well, news. I was letting my mind run wild.

"Listen, Carly. Please don't say anything about it. I'm still… I don't know, confused?"

"What's going on?"

"I'm uh, I'm having twins, Carls. Identical twins."

"Wow."

She didn't say anything more, and I appreciated that. I wasn't ready to be excited about twins. I wasn't sad about it, I was simply adjusting. In another week or so, or even just a couple days, I would be okay with people congratulating me on being pregnant with twins. I would celebrate later, after I'd gotten used to the thought.

"Yeah. And I called Max. Told him the truth. He knows everything."

"Oh my God. What did he say?"

"I think he was in shock."

"Is he okay?"

I thought about how I'd felt when I first found out that I was going to have a baby. Two of them.

"He will be."

"Well good luck to all of you."

"Thanks. Hey Carly?"

"Yes?"

"In a few days, I'll be able to go and have my first Doppler. They can't guarantee anything, but I might be able to hear their heartbeats. I'd really love it if you could come."

"I would love to come too. Just let me know the date and time and I'll pick you up. And I'm here for you whenever you need me. "

"Thanks, Carls."

"I love you, kid."

I smiled and my eyes went blurry.

"I'm not so kiddish any more. But I love you too, Carls. Can I come over tonight?"

"Of course."

"Bye."

"Bye, Mama."

I hung up and sat heavily on the couch. Funny. I'd always referred to myself as "Mama". I guess I just never thought I'd be one at 17.

…

**REVIEW!**

**Shoutouts to MegColes, LadyJames, and Mike2101 for their reviews!**

**I don't think I'm gonna continue with PMing sneak peeks to my favorite reviewers, mostly because it's too easy to forget and distracts me from actually writing. However, I will still be adding an extra chapter every other Wednesday, at least until the end of summer.**


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